To leave a four year old downstairs alone for about an hour?

[downthesteps]

We have recently changed bedtime routine. DS is 4 and has eczema and it’s been recommended we limit baths. I also have a toddler and for both of them since birth pretty much the routine has been bath, teeth, books and bed. Because DS isn’t now joining in the bath routine he’s watching TV downstairs on his own. I feel awful and I asked him last night if he’d like to watch my iPad upstairs instead but he said no … Should I put my foot down?

Has your 4 year old got learning disabilities? My kids at 4 wouldn’t have done any of these things. They would have known all of these thing are dangerous.

I doubt OP would leave tablets around or a pan of water boiling while they were upstairs bathing another child. She’s already expressed her concern for being being alone so she’s hardly going to leave him access to an obstacle course of death 😂

Being downstairs with the telly on and probably hearing his Mum's voice upstairs, doesn't mean he's having to grow up too soon. He can come and find you if he's lonely, or call up to you.

Has your 4 year old got learning disabilities?

Did you mean to be so rude?

I agree. And this is not meant as a dig at the OP who I feel for (esp. with for the bathing pile on) but our Mothers certainly didn't go through this. Mine would think nothing of kicking me out into the garden to play whilst she got on with things indoors. She also didn't think her job was to continuously entertain me. Nobody in her friendship group would have considered her neglectful - in fact she was frequently told she was over protective.

OP- just trust your judgement and use your common sense e.g. don't leave the family arsenic out in an open bottle with a label on it saying 'yummy, drink me!' (as this is MN I assume your 4yo is a prolific reader already).

My daughter has excema too ad we were also advised to cut down on the showers/baths what works for 1 person doesn't necessarily work for another. As a parent you will know best. If he's happy and you know he's not going to get up to no good then I would leave him downstairs.why complicate things if its working.

True though. An average 4yo reception age child does not need constant supervision. My DD at 4 didn't climb bookshelves, she didnt kick balls at the tv, she didnt take random 'sweets' left out on the side and she certainly knew not to touch any pans. Although as a responsible parent she didnt get the opportunity to do any of those things, and im sure OP is also a responsible parent since shes writing this post in the first place.
If a child has difficulties or disabilities then maybe they couldnt be trusted and would put themselves in danger how you described. But for the average child your post was over dramatic and absolutely nuts!

Not true, and mothers would be foolish to trust such a statement. Far better to supervise four year olds.

To be fair, I did ask (but it could have been missed) if you ever allow your child to be sort of elsewhere in the house without you?

It was phrased bluntly but I wouldn’t expect a four year old without SEN to do the things you describe.

I think it's fine, DS would let you know if ge was unhappy. My DD, also 4, has eczema. A lot of the 'recommended' products like Aveeno caused her to have a severe reaction and very sore skin. We were also told to do baths every other day and has helped ger skin a lot. Not sure why people are fixating on DS not having a daily bath as the issue. As he gets older though hopefully you can get him doing something that doesn't involve screen time like reading by himself, or all together as you say.

Sorry meant to say I agree with you @downthesteps !

Do you have to bath your toddler every night?

i get that it can take an hour though so don’t understand the comments around the time. And obviously you can’t leave your toddler in the bath to check on your eldest, nor leave them after the bath as if anything like my DD was they’d have been getting up to no good! Some of these comments are ridiculous.

i think it’s ok to leave your eldest downstairs but maybe if you did the toddlers bath every other night then it wouldn’t be so bad, and you wouldn’t feel the guilt as much either.

Edit - just read the comments regarding eczema- I have been given the same advice about not bathing every night for both my kids. It dries their skin out, no matter what you put in it, or don’t put in it.

You can't just leave a 4 year old on his own downstairs for an hour He could literally get up to anything

If he can't join in the bath as a bath let him join in by playing with his sibling

Or limit siblings bath to once every 2 days also they don't need to be bathed every single day

It's absolutely neglectful to just shove 4 year old Infront of the idiot box for an hour while you carry on your perfect routine with the child who isn't already suffering enough

And where the hell is the other parent in this

Neither upstairs or downstairs, so I’d assume working or travelling home.

i never had the ease of DH being at home for bath time, he arrived home once they were in bed and had to make do with them being asleep and him looking at them and stroking their heads.

it was sad for him, but he did what he had too, to make us financially secure.

I agree. And this is not meant as a dig at the OP who I feel for (esp. with for the bathing pile on) but our Mothers certainly didn't go through this. Mine would think nothing of kicking me out into the garden to play whilst she got on with things indoors. She also didn't think her job was to continuously entertain me. Nobody in her friendship group would have considered her neglectful - in fact she was frequently told she was over protective.

@Wonderfulstuff

Couldn't agree more. I don't understand the pearl clutching around a four year old being in a different room just watching a bit of telly or playing for a while. We live in a small house and if I'm busy cooking and doing laundry and so on in the kitchen, my 3 year old will play for an hour or more by himself quite happily. Why do I need to be with him 24/7? He's safe in his own home, I'm right there if he needs me, he's happy in his little 3 year old bubble playing with his toys. Surely that's one of the joys of them getting older is it's not like when you're glued to an 18 month old, struggling to get anything done.

This is unbelievably over dramatic.

I’m happy with the toddlers bedtime routine and not planning on changing it.

I don’t know if anyone’s notices but the thread was posted a few days ago and I think I’ve got the answers I need. If it had been a resounding no I’d obviously have thought again but (without wanting to single anyone out) if it’s ’well what if he climbs up a bookcase and dies’ I think we’re good.

I can keep tweaking it as and when. And I don’t bother replying to aggressive posts and posters; I assume they just want a row.

lol.

Love the drama Mamas on here.

And what would describe actual neglect as? As in baby P?

Totally agree about leaving him to it for a bit while she bathes her other child, but just as an aside... my child is bathed every night he's at nursery. They're outdoors every day and he comes home definitely in need of a bath!

What on earth for?

Yeah fair enough if they're dirty from nursery, mine only go twice a week though, rest of the time they're with me or family. I know they dont need a bath after a day chilling with me or my mum. Its such a waste of water and they really dont need it everyday. It surely cant be good for their skin.

Delete the post if you dont want more answers. Mumsnet Facebook page posts these a few days after they're posted on the site so you're always going to get delayed responses. No need to be rude for people still posting.

If your home had any of that, then you need to look to yourself!

Every bookshelf should be attached to the wall, no way should it fall - go and do yours tomorrow.

No TV should be so badly attached to a wall, or stand it falls over by an indoor football hitting it - go and sort yours tomorrow.

No parent should leave a blister pack of sweeties - get those parents out of your house immediately, they’re so careless.

No parent should leave a pan of hot water on the stove, see above.

I’m not worried about OPs home, but yours if you think any of those are ever acceptable and an “accident” I’d not bring a child into your home.

Shocking