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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a four year old downstairs alone for about an hour?

293 replies

downthesteps · 20/02/2025 07:04

We have recently changed bedtime routine. DS is 4 and has eczema and it’s been recommended we limit baths. I also have a toddler and for both of them since birth pretty much the routine has been bath, teeth, books and bed. Because DS isn’t now joining in the bath routine he’s watching TV downstairs on his own. I feel awful and I asked him last night if he’d like to watch my iPad upstairs instead but he said no … Should I put my foot down?

OP posts:
HotCrossBunplease · 20/02/2025 09:25

JeremiahBullfrog · 20/02/2025 09:21

I wouldn't be concerned about the child getting hurt so much as the fact that 1 hour unsupervised screen time every night is a lot. It's using the TV as a substitute for social interaction and other activities that are much better for cognitive development. At least if you watch together you can talk about it etc but that isn't the case here.

Of course DC will say they'd prefer to watch TV because that's what children do. This is a case where the parent needs to overrule the child's preferences.

Yes, that daily hour of sub-standard cognitive development is going to make the difference between whether OP’s son grows up to be an AI prompter or an AI prompter’s boss. It’s not too late to save him OP!

CautiousLurker01 · 20/02/2025 09:26

HotCrossBunplease · 20/02/2025 09:22

Amazing. The entire question was prompted by the fact that the 4 year old is not having a bath. What question did you think you were answering?

Show quote history

So my answer was - that the 4yo could either have a bath or join OP in the bathroom. No need to be facetious. Kids with ezcema DO have baths, you know.

ClairDeLaLune · 20/02/2025 09:27

I think he should join in with story time. He needs to learn to share, and it’s good bonding time with the baby, and the chance for you all to have some family time. It’s a bit sad that he’s watching TV for an hour on his own. Lazy parenting, sorry OP.

Ritzybitzy · 20/02/2025 09:28

CautiousLurker01 · 20/02/2025 09:25

Yes, I read the OP. Her 4yo needs to have a bath with younger child… there are lots of eczema friendly bath products (both on and off prescription) and they only need to sit in a couple of inches of water which would not exacerbate it. Mine suffered from eczema too. Failing that, 4yo brings some toys up and plays beside the bath. They could even help…

Show quote history

No. She’s been told not to put him in the bath and didn’t ask for advice about products or including him in the bath or facilitating a bath for both of them. That was not her question and unless you’re a qualified dermatologist who’s seen the child and got a full patient history medical advice is not what you should be giving.

Its entirely unnecessary to make a 4 year old play on a bathroom floor and follow mum around while she does bedtime for sibling.

marplemead · 20/02/2025 09:29

Agree with the points about daily bathing for eczema. My daughter was under the care of dermatologists for her eczema at that age and they strongly recommended daily baths (no more than 10 mins) and emollient afterwards. Her eczema has almost completely cleared now and she is off steroids.

Ritzybitzy · 20/02/2025 09:30

ClairDeLaLune · 20/02/2025 09:27

I think he should join in with story time. He needs to learn to share, and it’s good bonding time with the baby, and the chance for you all to have some family time. It’s a bit sad that he’s watching TV for an hour on his own. Lazy parenting, sorry OP.

Oh give over. We don’t need to spend every waking moment entertaining kids. A child watching telly for an hour is fine.

Ritzybitzy · 20/02/2025 09:31

Bet you’re wishing you never mentioned the eczema now 🤦🏼‍♀️

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/02/2025 09:32

StopStartStop · 20/02/2025 08:45

I can see potential problems.

I'm four. The bookshelves look like steps to me. I climb up. My tiny weight is enough to make the bookshelves overbalance. They fall. I fall. I am injured.

I'm four. There is a ball here. I throw it and kick it. Against the television, which falls over or off the wall and hits me. I die.

I'm four. Daddy has left a blister pack of 'sweeties' under the settee. I eat them. They're medication. I die.

I'm four. I wander into the kitchen. What's in that pan on the stove? I pull the handle - oh, the water is still very hot and I'm scalded, scarred for life.

I'm four. I need to be under supervision.

Wow that’s dramatic

no bookshelves in my living room. Maybe op is the same

Balls are not for kicking indoors and again very unlikely the ball would hit tv - fall over and kill ds

Daddy wouldn’t do that - no dad here so never gonna happen

Sure @downthestepsisnt going to leave a pan of boiling water on the stove for ds pull off 🙄

cramptramp · 20/02/2025 09:33

crosskeysgreen · 20/02/2025 07:14

I blame social media for the fact that mothers feel guilty about just about everything.

What are you going to be passing on to our children?

It's reached crazy levels.

Perhaps our children's parenting pendulum will swing and they'll have to have adverts at midnight again to remind them to find out where their children are.

I agree.

MattSaracenQB1 · 20/02/2025 09:34

I would be happy leaving a sensible four year old downstairs watching TV for an hour but if you’re worried you could have a baby monitor in the TV room to keep an eye or get a small Tv for somewhere upstairs x

TuesdayRubies · 20/02/2025 09:35

I'd just let him have a bath with Aveeno or Oilatum or something super gentle. Baths help my eczema!

YourHappyJadeEagle · 20/02/2025 09:38

A 4 year who can occupy themself for an hour ? That is brilliant . Teachers will thank you. As long as he has access to toys, books, and it’s not all screen time it’s a win win.

GravyBoatWars · 20/02/2025 09:39

As long as it's a shoutable distance for both of you, he knows he's welcome upstairs, and you (knowing your specific child best as you do) aren't worried about him doing anything wild then I think it's perfectly fine. I'd probably get in the habit of asking him each night "do you want to watch your show downstairs or in my bed?" Easy enough and then it's always his choice.

I'm an introvert - I have always needed alone time from when I was a toddler - and I think it always seemed logical to me that even small children need opportunities to enjoy time by themselves, especially after full days of school and then evenings with siblings.

JollyLilacBee · 20/02/2025 09:39

Why are people recommending daily baths when Op has specifically said that it’s helped her child’s eczema since she reduced bathing, and that a hcp has recommended the reduction? Having had a child with severe eczema, it is often trial and error with this type of thing. One very short shower per week was what worked for Ds, but I wouldn’t tell Op she is bathing her child far too much.

JollyLilacBee · 20/02/2025 09:42

TuesdayRubies · 20/02/2025 09:35

I'd just let him have a bath with Aveeno or Oilatum or something super gentle. Baths help my eczema!

Ffs…. They don’t help Ops child’s eczema, as she has said. Why are people insisting that they know better than a hcp and the child’s mother

Househunter2025 · 20/02/2025 09:44

It's fine if your child is happy.
Other options are play a game with him in the bathroom while younger child in the bath - snap or colouring or Duplo etc.
Or bath them both less frequently.
Doing bedtime routine together is undoubtedly much quicker so I would aim for that in the long run - they can choose 1 or 2 stories each and sit in your knee for their story. They can listen to the other story or play quietly in the bedroom if they don't want to listen. May need to be a bit strict to begin with but they soon get into a routine with it.

Original poster
downthesteps · 20/02/2025 09:45

TuesdayRubies · 20/02/2025 09:35

I'd just let him have a bath with Aveeno or Oilatum or something super gentle. Baths help my eczema!

Seriously this is why the ‘do this’ get a bit wearisome. I think people have missed he’s four and has until recently had a bath every night. It hasn’t helped (we use Aveeno. It was suggested to us as we were originally using child’s farm oat derma.)

Different skin reacts differently to different things, which is why you’re always best being seen.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 20/02/2025 09:46

TuesdayRubies · 20/02/2025 09:35

I'd just let him have a bath with Aveeno or Oilatum or something super gentle. Baths help my eczema!

Ah if baths helped your eczema then it must be the same for everyone in the world with it?

Tubs11 · 20/02/2025 09:52

Op, trust your gut. If you feel uneasy about your 4yr old being downstairs then bring him upstairs. You know him best.

As for the totally unnecessary judgemental posts and women turning on women in this post is it really worth the point scoring?

We should be lifting each other up not descending into I'm right/you're wrong posts!

AlmondLoaf · 20/02/2025 09:56

I leave my 4 year old alone in different parts of the house all of the time when I wfh but he's very sensible and usually only plays or watches his ipad etc.
If he's lonely he'll come upstairs and nag me at my desk.
Think it depends on the child are they the mischievous type or the opposite.
Front door always locked of course.

nightmarepickle2025 · 20/02/2025 10:13

It would never occur to me to do two entirely separate bedtimes. But maybe I've been making life unnecessarily chaotic for the last forever and you're actually a genius...

KirstyandPhilme · 20/02/2025 10:19

downthesteps · 20/02/2025 09:13

I specifically recognised she wasn’t being a nob. However, I’m not getting into a full history here if that’s OK; it isn’t what the threads about and it also will invariably lead to ‘have you tried have you tried have you tried’ which may be meant supportively but is a conversation I’d rather have in RL with someone who has qualifications.

You do come over as very defensive.

All anyone asked you here, was if you'd seen a consultant and were following their advice. GPs are often not well educated on skin conditions and know less more than 'posters' on the web who've seen consultants.

some of us may know more on it than GPs because we've experienced it for decades in the family and been treated by consultants. All anyone is trying to do is help you but you don't seem to want to engage- as you've said in this post.

No one is overriding specialist advice. But if the advice you've had goes against the professional advice of charities and the NHS, you can appreciate why you're being asked to reconsider or at least say who's advised you.

Notgivenuphope · 20/02/2025 10:24

Replace 'iPad' with 'play quietly in his room', and you are fine OP.

NerrSnerr · 20/02/2025 10:25

@KirstyandPhilme the OP isn't asking for advice about eczema though. Why do you keep insisting she needs to take your advice or give the medical info you're demanding?

Would you be this overbearing with someone in real life?

oustedbymymate · 20/02/2025 10:25

It's totally fine. I do it with my 4 year old whilst bath bed etc the 2 year old. Or the 4 year old comes up pjs on whilst 2 year old in bath (I did at bathroom door/landing so fully supervised) and he jumps into my bed and watches bluey or something on tv in my room whilst I do bedtime with little one then can do bedtime with him.