To contact my ex stepdaughter

[strangerthan]

I was a step mum a little girl while she was 2-8, I then split up with her father but remained friendly and I guess did some babysitting for him, taking her out for a few hours every couple of months and still sent her birthday and Christmas cards etc.
She

He sadly passed away a couple of years after this and after the funeral when suggesting I wished to stay in some sort contact was told no which I respected.

She is now turning 18 and I’ve since married and own children. I’ve thought about her often and feel very sad that our relationship ended.

I mentioned to my mum today that I was going to send her a message and she told me that it was a terrible idea, that I would be throwing a massive spanner into her life and that if she wanted to contact me then she would.

I’m obviously not expecting anything from her but if she was interested in meeting/speaking further then I would be to.

AIBU? Is it a terrible idea or a nice thing to do?

That's lovely, I'm so pleased for you.

Wonderful news. I’m so happy for both of you

I think you should. My dad was with a woman from I was 5 till 12 then she moved back down south. I often think about her over the years and am still in contact with her niece and would be open to speaking to her.

Nice thing to do

I keep in touch with my ex stepmum now I am an adult and I have a lovely friendship with her but I have to be careful as my mum disagrees with it.
She feels this way as my relationship with my stepmum when I was growing up was strained by my dad leaving me with her when I was meant to be spending time with him.
My advice would be reach out but keep it casual and open.

I often think about my stepdad I wish he would get in contact.
Over the year I've looked online but can't find him.

If only people could at least have the courtesy to read the OP's updates!!!

@strangerthan delighted to read your update, and I hope you have a wonderful time catching up ❤️

Lovely update, OP!

"Just wanted to update to say that I did message her and I did hear back.
Very emotional and we have lots to catch up on but I'm very pleased I reached out as was she."

That's brilliant. Very pleased for you both.

Just because you grew up without any feelings towards your step mom, don’t inflict your experiences & negativity on others.
I have a step dad who raised me my whole life & I loved him until he died in October.

yes my comment says a lot about me I was loved.

@strangerthan no need for a moratorium. I'd simply say something like
'Thinking of you often especially on your special birthday. With much love always..'
And leave your contact details saying it would be great to hear from you. I hope you're doing well...

That’s so lovely. Thank you for letting us know. I hope you will both continue to stay connected. ❤️

Wonderful new op glad it went well

I didn't say I didn't have any feelings for her, I liked her when she was in my life. But she was just a nice woman who was at my dad's when I stayed there every other weekend. When she was gone, that was it, she was gone.

Yes, your comment does say a lot about you. You automatically assume the worst of people based on what you've taken from what they've said. Not very nice.

Oh that's wonderful!! So pleased to hear that update. ❤️