Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

[AntiHop]

A few times recently, people have made the incorrect assumption that my 3 year old dd is my grandchild. I'm 47.

This really surprises me, as in my social group, and my family, no one has become a grandparent at that age. Not a single one of my friends had their kids in their 20s. (I have met people who've had kids in their 20s since becoming a parent myself.)

I definitely don't look older than I am. I'm lucky that my skin is doing well. If you lined me up with the friends of my age, you'd guess we are all 47ish. Perhaps people perceive me we older as so many people have cosmetic procedures now, changing the perception of what someone looks like at my age?

I do appreciate that I'm an older mum. Of the friends I grew up with, several of them had babies after my three year old was born.

This is nor meant to be a debate about the rights and wrongs of being an older mum. I'm just curious to know - if you saw a 47 year old with a 3 year old, would you assume that's the grandmother without it crossing your mind that she could be the mother?

I wouldn't assume either way. If I had to guess I'd assume you were the mother as that's the least likely to cause offence if I'd got it wrong! 🙈

I had my kids in my 20s - I am now heading for 60 and have no grandkids yet.

Many big my 50-something friends are becoming grandparents now.

Very few in their 40s.

It's totally contextual. In my social circle most people were 30+ prior to having their first kids. We are now your age and some are still having new babies.

At work I simply never assume and always ask who everyone is.

I probably will be in my late 40 when I become a grandparents as I had my children at 19,20 and 22. My parents are 63 and 64 and will be great grand parents when my nephew has his child in a few months.

I would say most people I know had children in their 20s so late 40s becoming a grand parent wouldn't be usual. I actually don't know anyone who has had children in their 40s.

That is because you have normal views on life, you have done everything correctly. This is how it should be economically, socially, in every sense.

I am, like the OP, a geriatric mum. I was fed lies by the society about 'going to university', 'getting on with your PhD' and your career. I realise now this is beyond abnormal and wish I had different guidance when growing up.

Sympathies OP!

The lollipop lady at my kids school mistook me for a Grandparent last yr. Kids 7&5 at the time and me 43. I think I look about my age....

I don't know any Grandparents in their 40s either!

It's not common to be a grandparent at 47, but also, regardless of what you've experienced in your peers, it's not common to have a toddler at 47.

Although the average age of having babies is getting older, more 23 year olds are having babies than 44 year olds. Statistically you are more likely to be her grandmother, although both are somewhat deviated from average (not that it matters!)

I'm in my early 50's. Most of my friends are between the ages of 50 and 60. None of us are grandparents yet, although we all have young adult children.

I had my kids relatively early, when I was in my late 20s. Although my children are now in their early to mid 20s, they are nowhere near ready to have children themselves yet, so it will be a number of years before I'm a grandparent.

My mum had 3 grandchildren by 47.
(Two being mine and one my sibling's)
I am one of four siblings who at that time would have been 18, 20, 23 & 25

I think it's more common to expect a 47 year old grandmother than a 47 year old mother of a 3 year old in most social groups. I know a lot of people who had children in their early to mid thirties but nobody that had a child past the age of 40. It doesn't mean you look old!

I do think 47 is more likely to be the grandmother than the mother. But then most mothers i know had their children late 20s or 30s, noone I know has had a child in their 40s.

Totally depends on the area. Where I live I'd probably err on the side of mum, but in other areas I've lived/worked in it would be far more common for a 47 year old with a 3yo to be their GM.

This is how it should be if we were not to dismantle our society completely (And I am an elderly mother too, but the one who realised the error of her ways).

Having kids in your early 20's is doing everything correctly? I beg to differ. Given that young adults brains aren't even fully developed until their mid 20s, I think ideally you should be at least in your late 20s before having kids.

Thanks very much for all your comments. It's made me feel much better knowing how common this is.

My mum became a granny by me at 46 and my son often gets mistaken as her child

Personally I would be assuming grandmother with a 3 year old yes, but I’d never actually say that to someone incase I was wrong.

My mum is a similar age and is a grandmother now to my daughter, most of my friends also have children now, parents your age, who are all grandparents, so in my circle the assumption would be grandparent.

I am terrible at judging ages. I had my first child at 29 and the mums at toddler group in their 40s looked (and seemed ) ancient to me.

But then I was very fresh faced and they treated me like some kind of delinquent teen mum (never stopping to find out I was actually a home owner with two degrees and a decent professional career, not that that makes me better than a teen mum - I know some amazing young mums - but just to show judgement can go both ways).

Maybe people think you look older than 47

If I had to make a guess I'd probably think more likely GP than parent tbh.

Wouldn't surprise/shock me that it was the parent though either!

I beg to differ too, as does the NHS (they are far too nice still to call a spade a spade, i.e. geriatric mothers like myself) in relation to now giving advice not to delay having children and also, placing young doctors (22-year olds) on the wards - surely if 22-year olds are junior doctors, they are too, have enough brain, so to say, to have children?

My brain was plenty developed to have a child at 21 and successfully bring them up. Mother Nature clearly didn’t get the memo - and hasn’t for millennia.

I think it may depend where in the country you are. Small town or big city?
Here in Lancashire,
I would say that most in my age group (mid 50's) had their first by mid 20's, so some are grandparents now as their children have done likewise.

I did know a woman who was a Grandmother by late 30's, but also know someone else trying for their first at 43 so it's a very rough guide. ..

Biologically we were designed to be pregnant and given birth at a younger age though. It's fine to delay but I was well aware of the increased risks of older pregnancy so very much chose to be a younger mum.

I was responding to a PP who was talking about doing things "correctly". I disagree that there is a correct way to do things, but I do believe there are preferable ways of doing things. I have no doubt that you did an amazing job raising your child when you were so young yourself. But it's a scientific fact that your brain is still developing in your early 20s, and that is one reason that I believe that ideally, a parent would be a little older than that.