Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

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A few times recently, people have made the incorrect assumption that my 3 year old dd is my grandchild. I'm 47.

This really surprises me, as in my social group, and my family, no one has become a grandparent at that age. Not a single one of my friends had their kids in their 20s. (I have met people who've had kids in their 20s since becoming a parent myself.)

I definitely don't look older than I am. I'm lucky that my skin is doing well. If you lined me up with the friends of my age, you'd guess we are all 47ish. Perhaps people perceive me we older as so many people have cosmetic procedures now, changing the perception of what someone looks like at my age?

I do appreciate that I'm an older mum. Of the friends I grew up with, several of them had babies after my three year old was born.

This is nor meant to be a debate about the rights and wrongs of being an older mum. I'm just curious to know - if you saw a 47 year old with a 3 year old, would you assume that's the grandmother without it crossing your mind that she could be the mother?

I was in my forties when I had my second child. I thought I’d be the oldest parent at the school gate. I wasn’t by quite a few years. I think that it would be unusual to be a grandparent in your forties but not unique.

I think it's just more unusual to have a three year old at that age. So people assume you must be a grandparent

Of course it does! Usually working classes and aristocrats have kids when they are young and the struggling lower middle classes who call themselves professionals for an unknown reason (like a bus driver is not a professional or a hairdresser is not a professional) become geriatric parents (like myself).

I know lots of people who are grandparents at 40/45 age range, it's really not unusual.

It depends where you live. I went to quite a few 40th birthday parties when DD was at primary school. These were for the birthdays of parents, not grandparents.

I was an older mum (not through choice), but I think most of the parents round here tend to have had babies between late 20s and late 30s.

SIL became a grandparent at 40, but the baby was an oops baby. It all worked out though and the couple are still together.

Depends where you live, very young mothers and hence grandmothers are still the norm in working class areas. Where I live it is very much the done thing to have children late teens/ early twenties.

I know one woman of 34 who has a son of nearly 18 and a woman just turned sixty who is a great grandmother 3 times over. Having struggled with a mother with Alzheimers and a horrible untreated perimenopause while my kids were still at primary school, I would not knock anyone who opts for early motherhood, there are advantages and disadvantages.

Sorry op it's not. However I was 41 when I had dd. All my friends are now 49 and I don't know a single one that's a grandparent yet and that's including some with children in their teens. Only my experience

Very honestly it common enough and easy to make the mistake especially if you arent a youthful 40something...

i was in DL softplay and an older woman with a baby of 12-18m was clacking away on a laptop she looked "older"...
She made a phone call and was saying it was her day to have "the baby" which kinda confirmed she was granny.
when she started narrating to the baby "mummys getting your bottle" i was FLOORED and she def saw the realisation on my face 😖

I felt terrible as im no spring chicken and live in fear of it happening to me but our eyes met and i could tell she just knew!!! 🙈

I don’t understand this “barely an adult” comment to be honest? I’m a parent in my 20’s, most of my friends in our 20’s are also parents, in our friendship group we have: a doctor, a nurse, a financial adviser, a civil servant, a policeman, an electrician and 2 teachers- we’re all more than adult enough to do those jobs, we’re all more than capable of being, and are, good parents.

We’re also all home owners.

If in your 20’s you’re “barely an adult” why are we allowed to do these jobs?

It’s a pointless argument. There are sadly people at all ages who are not able to provide everything their children need, financially or emotionally, that’s not something specific to young parents.

In your 20s? Barely an adult? Best not let people in their 20s have any important jobs then.

Lots of the friends I met after having my dc had theirs in their late teens/ early 20s. I was late 20s. The only differences in our parenting seems to come from the way we were brought up ourselves- either replicating it or compensating for it.

Yes I'd assume grandparent. Especially if you have grey hair, but even if not.

47 is ‘nearly 50’ and most people do not assume that a ‘nearly 50 year old’ is a mum to a young child. I would also assume you were a young grandparent. I don’t know any grandparents who are ‘nearly 50’ but I would say that is more likely than a ‘nearly 50’ mum. And I say this as someone who had old parents and was constantly asked if they were my grandparents

I think one can equally be either a grandparent or a parent at that age (I'm a 40s mum to a toddler too) I'm well aware I've done it late. Could actually be a great grandparent at that age I think, just

Thank you for posting this - otherwise this thread turns into demonisation of the working classes

Usually working classes and aristocrats have kids when they are young

I don't know about aristorcats - don't know any - but working class areas we've lived in and grown up in the ages of parenthood while still younger than many middle class friends form Uni has also been on the rise especially in last few years.

I'd assume grandparent at 47.

Correct, because we all studied biology.

think there's an age where it could go either way and you would be in that category.

I'd probably also assume you were a grandma at age 47 with a toddler.

I agree, OP. In all my various groups of friends from school, university and DC's school mums, no-one in their 40s in anywhere near having grandchildren. I had my son at 33, and was one of the first from uni and school friends to have a baby. School mums in my son's year (Yrar 8) range from late 30s to mid 60s. Therefore, I definitely wouldn't assume you were a grandmother. I'm sorry for the upsetting comments you received.

I have one old friend who became a grandparent at 43 (he was a dad at 20). Most of my friends had their kids in their late 20s and early 30s bit I have a couple of friends who became parents at 20. We are all pretty much middle to upper middle class (if that's even a thing now) so it happens in all avenues of life. We are all around 46 now and unlikely to be grandparents for a while. My kids are 18 and 20 so there is a chance of it happening anytime but I doubt either will have kids young.

This.

I mean, 2 of the schools I've worked at, being a Grandparent in your 30s was incredibly common.
It does depend where you live though.

I'd still presume it is more common to become a Grandmother at 44 than a Mum.

Speak for yourself!

Plenty of 25 year olds are mature and sensible and make excellent parents. They also often have highly responsible jobs.

I and many of my friends from the preschool days had our children around 37/38. But when ds started primary school and I was one of the oldest mums, most were eight to ten years younger than me. So yes, at our school anybody in late 40s collecting a p1 would probably first be thought to be a GP.

Yes, at first glance I'd assume it to be the grandmother. I was reading an article today which said the younger generation (early 20s) are keen to have their babies while they're still young themselves.

I'm 46. I'd say over 50% of the girls I went to school with are grannies now from what I've seen on social media.

DS is 13 so I was a late starter.

I'm from a small town in the North East, only 3 of us from my school went to university. Lots had kids before they were 18 so early grandchildren makes sense.

I'm 2 years younger than you and have a 25yo OP!

It depends what you look like I guess, maybe you look older than you think. My friend had her third at 44 so now has a one yr old and she could pass as his gran I must admit.