Being locked in?

[DazedandConfusedbyPolitics]

New house to us, so please bear with me. DH nipping out the back door and conservatory so he can smoke a Marlboro in the back garden. He locks both doors behind him because he doesn't want dogs to follow. Fair enough, garden is not completely secure yet. He leaves keys in doors so I'm locked in with dogs and I feel trapped. I can't get out unless he turns or removes keys. AIBU to ask him to remove the keys so I can leave when I want?

Is is cigarette eighteen feet long? It’s minutes.

I feel there is a lot more going on here - if you're married and both living there surely it's your house too? Of course you should be able to change the lock on the front door!

This is a bit concerning, it should just be a 30 second conversation with him and be resolved, are you unsafe? There are places that can help you if you need

I read it and I wish I hadn’t

That's not safe. You need exits accessable in case of a fire. If he won't sort it then you will have to.

Anyone doubting dogs can open doors - yes they can. Both my dogs could (think the older one taught the younger!). They have even rescued me when I’ve accidentally closed the door without the key when I’ve gone on the garden but not locked it (it doesn’t open from outside but does open from inside if not locked). Dogs are very clever when they want to be!

Yeah it's weird being worried about being locked in the house for 3 minutes. Especially if he's 'knock and let me out' distance in the garden.
Clearly more going on here.

Does he plan to just never ever get a front door key, then? The 'no point' argument is strange. Like, does he mean there's no point, ever, to have a front door key? Because that's ... an unusual take on front door keys.

If we're wrong, and nothing more going on here, he needs to start asking you to lock him out from inside, and he'll knock when he wants to come back in. Ex and I did that with the same situation: dogs, smoke, garden.

What's wrong with the front door?

@DazedandConfusedbyPolitics , it sounds like you're feeling unhappy and hopeless. I'm sorry that's how things are for you right now, but I'm also pretty sure that could be changed. You sound overwhelmed. Please talk to us if you need some help, or even just offload and get some stuff off your chest. There are people here who will listen and do their best to advise you. x

Depending on the type of lock on the front door it may be possible to just change the drum and not the full lock.

The previous owner has the only key. But apparently it’s fine because there’s a porch with new locks installed so previous owner can’t get past the porch.

I mean if you were installing new locks wouldnt you have done it on the front door not the porch door?! This is why I’m getting the heebie jeebies from OP’s DH. Little moves like that are the hallmark of an abuser

The fact that your DH is a dick

Well the solution is to let the dogs out or fix the front door.

Or train the dog to behave itself!

Dont know which is easier.

Do you not intend using the front door? How will you get into the house? Is DH suffering from some sort of irrational brainstorm?

You are married. You own the house. That's one of the consequences of being married. Call a locksmith and have the front door lock changed.

OP are you safe? I have alarm bells ringing.

That you’re in a relationship that makes you feel oppressed, dejected and miserable. Thats what you should be focusing on dealing with not a door being locked for five minutes.

I can’t believe he locks the doors just to have a fab. Sounds really odd. My guess is he doesn’t want you following him out there for whatever reason!

Yep, my PITA Beagle can open doors. We've had to put a bolt on the outside of all the doors to stop her opening them when we are out and destroying everything (she has a crate but you can't shut the door as she freaks out, tried crate training. She's a rescue so think she must have had a bad experience of crates). The bitch can also open the garden gate so we have to bungie cord it tightly shut. Not that she goes anywhere (she only wanders a small radius, but don't want her getting squished).

What on earth do you do if you go out at different times? Shopping, work, errands, walking dogs?? Who has the key?? Surely you need more than one. In any case if you’re married and you live there just get another one cut for your own convenience (it doesn’t matter what your husband says as it is your home too).

I’d hate this too. Why does he need to lock the door, why can’t he just shut it?

The ‘just one exit, fire hazard’ brigade clearly have never lived in a flat!
I do agree you need a key for your front door. You also need another key for your back door. Are you able to go out at seperate times or is something more complicated happening here?

Well there’s obviously more to this then, isn’t there, a control / power imbalance…

Why would it be unreasonable to ask him to take the keys out of the door and put them somewhere else - next to the door, in his pocket, etc. - so that you can get out that door if you want while he's still outside? Unless you';re afraid of him for some other reason, I;d just tell him. He may not know that leaving the keys in effectively locks the door to you, or he may have thought he'd be so quick it didn't matter. Either way, taking them out isn't a big deal. Maybe at some point put up a little basket, bag, shelf, etc. to put the keys in/on so it just becomes habit to take them out of the door but still keep them handy?

I'm still not clear why you (or your dh) would not replace the front door lock.

I'm even less clear about the purpose of a porch that is only accessible from outside. Regardless of whether the "porch door has new locks so nobody can get in"... even if they could get into the porch, they can't get through the permanently locked front door.

Anyway, aside from the dogs/smoking issue, of course you need a functional second exit.
The whole situation sounds nonsensical.

Either your dh is lacking in basic common sense or he is a controlling idiot.