Being locked in?

[DazedandConfusedbyPolitics]

New house to us, so please bear with me. DH nipping out the back door and conservatory so he can smoke a Marlboro in the back garden. He locks both doors behind him because he doesn't want dogs to follow. Fair enough, garden is not completely secure yet. He leaves keys in doors so I'm locked in with dogs and I feel trapped. I can't get out unless he turns or removes keys. AIBU to ask him to remove the keys so I can leave when I want?

He's your husband, surely the house is a joint asset?

Another thread which makes zero sense and the OP is fixated about the wrong thing.

As is quite often the case, this seems like one small problem but I think is just the tip of a very big iceberg. I hope you're okay OP.

Do you only have one set of keys between you?

Or when you say "... He leaves keys in doors... " do you mean he goes out, locks the door behind him and then leaves the key in the outside of the lock so that you can't open it from the inside - even if you have a key??

Why does he do that? Have you asked him? Why can't he just put the keys in his pocket rather than leave them in the door?

Either you need two sets of keys - one for each of you - or he needs to stop leaving his keys in the outside of the lock when he goes out.

Your husband's argument for not getting a new lock for the front door doesn't hold water. Both of you need to be able to enter and exit through the front door for safety reasons.

(Do you live in the UK or the US? I note that you refer to your husband smoking a Marlboro rather than a cigarette and somebody posted a reference to door handles with prices in dollars. I don't understand why doors have to be locked to stop dogs getting out)

Another post that has people having to do mental gymnastics to understand, and the further explanations just make it even harder to comprehend

OP the more you post the more I do not have a good feeling about this. You are under the impression you have no power in your house and your DH refuses to keep you safe and locks you in the house. There’s a reason him locking you in scares you. OP, are you ok? Do you need to maybe call someone? This feels very off to me it’s actually giving me the creeps

What should I be fixated about?

Yes! I was going around accusing everyone of constantly leaving conservatory door open and letting cold air in and then I found out it was actually the dog doing it.

Well that escalated quickly…

It's going to be another, 'we've been married for 38 years... we got married at 21 from.uni where i have a degree in astrophysics and I've been a sahm for 37 years...'

Your updates suggest that he is a controlling arse. Time to get well away.

OP can you tell us what happens when you or your DH go out alone. What’s the door locking situation then if there’s only one set of keys for one external door?

Is he abusive? Is there a reason this feels particularly significant?

I wouldn't really think twice about thos for the length it takes to smoke a cigarette but it sounds like you maybe have other stuff going on

Of course you need to sort out the locks. This makes no sense.

It sounds like you should be fixated on moving someplace else, without your husband.

The fact that you feel trapped being in your own home for ten minutes?

The fact that you don’t sound like you’re in a very happy marriage?

The fact that you sound like you don’t have any say in your own life?

Oh my god that was so painful

I’d suggest you focus on the big picture, which is that you are apparently in an abusive marriage, rather than the minor issue of your husband locking the door for five minutes when he goes out for a fag. You’re fixating on one minor detail when there are bigger problems to be solved.

im sure 5 minutes won't kill you

Do you have a link? I haven’t heard of that one

So this is some sort of control issue? You're his wife yet you're saying you have no right to make any changes in your new home. Are there other ways in which he's trying to be controlling/ restrict your freedom?

Don't even think about it - it will drive you insane.

The fact that you are ‘depressed, oppressed, unhappy and dejected’, perhaps?

The fact that you somehow have no ownership of your home (you’re married, so I don’t get that)?

Might I suggest that when the door is open, you take the opportunity to walk through it and not go back.