About husband moaning about me not earning enough

[ByKinda]

I am lucky to have a nice and reasonably well paid job. I am self employed and (I earn £50-£70 per hour). I currently go out to work 22 hours per week.

Husband also is self employed and works from home. He has health issues which impact him - I am understanding and supportive and therefore do vast majority of housework including food shopping and cooking.

He keeps saying that I could be earning a lot more if I upped my hours, but I don’t see why I should considering we don’t actually need the money and I basically run the home.

I have said we are fine financially which he agrees with but he believes we should be maximising our earnings and bank as much money as possible to have a comfortable retirement. I’m of the mindset that I want to enjoy my life and not feel overwhelmed. We have savings and pensions.

I’m late 40’s, he is 60, we have three teenagers who all live at home.

It’s causing an atmosphere in the house and we are resenting each other. What is the best way forward?

I would remind him that doing more hours caused yiu to get stressed and run down - yiu cannot do anymore and unless he wants to see you rundown into the ground this is how it is. You cannot and will not burn out because there is no back up for you

You have a lot on your plate, part-time is ideal for the time being.

Teenagers and toddlers are very different but both needs a lot of support.

You have skills to fall back on, if money is tight in the future.

Really ? Are you sure you’re posting on the right thread ?

I would not up your hours. People will say make the teenagers help more and maybe they can but you're the one carrying the mental load. Some days you are almost certainly also a carer for your DH. Go tell him the old saying 'happy wife, happy life'.

Are you one of those people who don’t really have much of a life outside of work? No real friends, just colleagues? Is your self worth tied up in your annual appraisal? That’s ok, if that’s what really makes you happy, but nobody in the world is going to be laying on their deathbed, looking back at their life, and wishing they’d spent more time at work. Maybe a better balance in your life would give you a chance to enjoy something? Find a passion? Spend time with loved ones?

OP, I think you’d be mad to increase your hours if you don’t need the money. I wonder whether he’s thinking he’d like to drop some of his hours but he doesn’t want a drop in income? And he’s thinking that you’re there to make up the difference? Has he made plans for his own retirement or has he just let it creep up on him?

Skills that she's putting to use working in a job that pays a salary that quite a few people could only dream of...including me. Being part time, earning what she does and doing the bulk of the stuff at home is ideal for the time being? So she should take on more work then when financially she doesn't need to?

Nurse with a purse springs to mind

I agree with DH, to be honest. Though I would say that on good days, he needs to do his share around the house.

Absolutely certain.

Then you’re talking crap.

Sorry to derail thread but my kids are still small and I’m curious about the difference in yours that means they require very different input? What kind of things are you doing for each of them?

You are wrong.

I'd like to hear how OP is lazy

Ltb xxxx

What's his pension provision like? He's 60 with chronic illness so unlikely to be working for long. My guess is he's realised he has no where near enough and wants you to earn more so he can channel more into retirement savings/ pension as its significantly less than his current earnings.

And on the bad days, which may increase in frequency as he ages, she should work full time hours, take care of three kids, be a carer for him AND do all the housework?

Nah

one of the problems is that being self employed my work load (hours) can be variable beyond my control. It’s possible that my hours could drop so his thinking is that I take on more in case this happens. But once I take on more it’s not easy for me to drop hours, it’s difficult.

Absolute cheek! You earn more than most, he's got a nerve!

Your work life balance sounds fabulous to me OP.

I find a lot of comments on mumsnet regarding working hours always seem to be met with jealousy.

He has a far better pension pot than me, but I also own a second property so will sell that if I need money. He’s very transparent about finances and has always said if he goes before me (which is likely in his words) me and the boys will be provided for. I think he just wants to spend more money whilst we’re all here - which is not necessarily a bad thing

If she did more hours she’d need to pay for someone else to look after the house. (she has been doing DHs share because of his ill health) The fact that op would have to pay someone to do the labour she has until now been doing for free should be some indication that she is not lazy. If her DH was physically able to help out with everything else involved in running a home and family then maybe things would be different.

Well he could pick up a load of household stuff and decrease his paid work, but it seems he is happy to let op carry that load.

Nah, fuck that.

So he's waited until he's 60 to suddenly think about retirement? And you should be the one to do something about it?
No, you earn more than a lot of people.

Why shouldn't you enjoy it? To get to that level of earning took hard work. If anyone else in the comments moans about you having a nice life on less hours then they need to give their head a wobble.

What exactly do you want from op? She runs the house, she also works and has a great salary for pt work. What else does she need to do to not be lazy?

@Newposter180

Both - driving to activities/friends houses, making dinner (same as mine),doing their laundry (average of 20 minutes per day)

Dd1 who has ADHD (probably, in system) Much much more driving about as she misses buses often, can't/won't/doesn't (who knows) organise anything in advance so needs more last minute lifts. She also eats a very specific diet (extremely healthy) which requires much more shopping for fresh and cooking. Much more laundry as she wants everything clean and fresh. She does much of the latter two herself tbh too, but it's lots of work so I help out. Filling in forms which she can't/won't/doesn't do herself. At 16, she still needs lots of the input her sister stopped needing by the time she was about 6.