Ask DH to not go on holiday with female friend.

[Freelll]

My DH & DS have gone on holiday with DS’s friend and his mother several times in the past. They all share an interest in basketball and travel to the US to watch NBA games.

This year, despite booking tickets, the children have decided they want to travel with the friend’s father instead - the friends parents are divorced. However, my DH & this woman, are still planning to travel to the US together, as the tickets have already been paid for.

I don’t want him to go on holiday with just her; I have never been 100% comfortable with these trips but decided to keep my mouth shut because I’ve gone on holiday with male friends in the past, which my husband was unhappy about. I regret being so blood minded at the time.

Is it reasonable to ask him not to go?

It isn't ok. It's a terrible idea which threatens their marriage.

But can OP reasonably object, when she has done the same before?

Regardless of whether you’ve gone on holiday with male friends, I don’t think that matters in this situation. Yeah, your husband didn’t like it but I don’t think that justifies you keeping quiet about how you feel. Is she his friend or your son’s friend’s mother? It’s so important that you discuss this situation with your husband for the sake of your marriage. Have you spoken to your husband about how you feel about this situation? Why don’t you go on the holiday too? Or suggest the woman travels with the others and you go in her place. If it was so easy for the children to change the travel plans, your husband and her can change theirs too. You haven’t said anything about her. Do you know her well? What vibe do you get? In future , promise each other not to go on holiday alone with opposite sex friends as neither of you are comfortable with it are you. Go on holiday with each other and ask friends to join you 😊

twelve hours since this was posted and y’all still raging ha ha

So yes it is hypocritical of you, why is it different because he is a man?

That's a weird take. Just because I'm in a relationship I need to stop annual trip with my friend? I need to force my partner to come hiking against his will instead of going with my bff who would actually enjoy it? He needs to miss out on champions league match he has tickets to cause I'm working? What about visiting friend or family who lives abroad? Just allowed to see them again unless my partner is able to travel?

You did it. Why shouldn’t he? 🤷‍♀️

Why don't you go ? It sounds like they have a shared hobby .. I've been away with my best friend (male) many times. Honestly nothing has gone on we are just friends. But I think the dynamic has changed without the children going (for a start how to kids get to dictate ?)

Will you kindly read the first sentence of my second paragraph, and then ask yourself why you needed to quote my post?

I don't understand why the outrage about going on holiday. If he has an affair with this woman then the marriage is not secure so really it would do the OP a favour. Personally I wouldn't be happy with this situation but you can't really argue against it if you go on holiday with male friends.

I absolutely love your perfect choice of emojis! 😂

I wish the advocates for men & women holidaying together without their spouse could understand its about far more than sex. Having a special emotional relationship with someone else's husband or wife & worse holidaying together is definitely overstepping the normal boundaries of married life. I trust my DH 100% but he would never disrespect me by going off on holiday with another woman nor I with another man. If it works within your unusual relationship it's nobody else's business.

Could you warn the other woman your concerned he would be unable to control himself around her?

I wouldn't have this. Hell no.

Me neither. I could only be a Cool Wife if I didn't love my husband

Me too. I hate skiing and snow / cold. Husband loves it. He goes with female friend of many years because they both love it. I’ve also been away with male friend who loves arts /city tours without husband.
Somehow we’ve all managed not to shag anyone else because we don’t want to. Imagine that!!

If you genuinely believe that the only thing that stops men or women having affairs is opportunity- firstly you are an idiot and secondly you aren’t in a loving relationship anyway so leave.

Or, again, you're putting a weird amount of emphasis on things

Why does it matter if they have a "special emotional relationship" outside the marriage. Do you think married people can only have emotional relationships with each other? Why would a friendship of the same sex be different? Would it be different again if it was a gay man he was friends with?

I see your point about being a hypocrite but now you know what it feels like there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying you made a mistake and totally understand why he didn’t want you to go on holiday with your male friends. Apologise. You can ask him not to go with her, maybe go with them. If he insists on going with her alone then I think he would be very petty and teaching you a lesson you’ve already learned, punishing you, or maybe hoping to have sex with her.

Of course it's controlling if you believe you get a say who your spouse goes on holiday with. It also shows a lack of trust no matter how many times someone may claim it isn't about not trusting them, of course it is.

Going on holiday with my best friend who is male is no different to going on holiday with a female friend.

My marriage is also perfectly normal. There's just no insecurity or jealousy which I see as a good thing.

So you are only ever allowed to spend time with your partner?
I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone so controlling and demanding on my time...

I gladly encourage DH to go on days/weekends away with friends to do hobbies - I have for instance no interest in injuring myself hurtling down a steep track on a mountain bike, and I think he'd rather hit his toe with a hammer than join me at book club or for a run.

I would definitely not be cool him going away one on one with another woman though, and he'd feel exactly the same if I wanted to go away with some bloke.
Fortunately, neither of us do as we love each other and like spending most of our precious spare time together.

I'm surprised you have time to post here in between all the shagging and emotional cheating that you two are obviously doing.

My holidays were years ago, not when we had children. Also, they were mates, nothing more and nothing else.

So you think this woman is something more than a mate then?

I had a boyfriend who was meant to be spending a week off with me. A couple of weeks before that, he announced he'd decided to go away with a group of friends instead. He left me here and went to Majorca with 26 (yes, 26) girls.

I didn't say anything. What was the point?

Obviously the relationship was over after he got back. He was somewhat puzzled by this and asked if the recent holiday had something to do with it. I said ''yes, but if I have to explain to you what's wrong with that then we're too different to ever meet in the middle''.

@SeenYourArse - I thought the whole point of Mumsnet was sharing our opinions. 🤔