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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being naked in front of DP/DH

465 replies

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 17/02/2025 15:12

Are you comfortable being visibly naked in front of your partner? Would you be ok with the lights on/daylight etc and walk around with nothing on?

Or would you have a towel/underwear/a sheet over you?

i’m not bothered about my wobbly bits on a daily basis, and felt just the same way when I was several stone lighter, so I don’t see it as a body image thing as such, I juat wouldn’t walk around naked in front of him. He thinks this says something fundamental about our relationship.

YABU - I think its normal to feel 100% at ease walking about naked in front of my DP/DH

YANBU - I’d rather keep some things undercover and feel self conscious naked standing up and walking about the bedroom/house.

OP posts:
Togglebullets · 17/02/2025 17:55

Wow. So this chump regularly neggs you about your weight and then, when faced with the consequences of his actions (i.e. you being self conscious) he tries to turn it around and make it your fault?

What are you doing with him op? He sounds like a thoroughly nasty piece of work.

WillIEverBeOk · 17/02/2025 17:57

YANBU It is a fact that women are more self conscious and body image aware. Its normal and natural for women to be like that. Sorry but your 'D'P sounds like a real nasty pig and he is pressuring you and is basically bullying you. You said you took him back (this current DP?) but you shouldn't have because he is a bully who is pressuring you. What's to say that if you do go completely naked he won't point out some flaw? In fact, I wonder if that's his motive for this, he seems unusually keen and determined to pressure you, I wouldn't be surprised if that's his motive. If he continues to pressure and bully you I'd call it quits for good.

Stravaig · 17/02/2025 17:57

Re the wider discussion — For me this is about personal modesty, and about respecting boundaries, my own and other people's.

Sometimes I might feel comfortable naked, sometimes not; and both are okay. That's just by myself, no-one else present.

Similarly with one or more others present: sometimes I might feel comfortable naked, other times not; both are okay.

I also would never assume that others are, or should be, okay with my nakedness; much less at the exact same time that I feel like being naked in front of them.

Nor would I always or even usually want to see others naked; and I would prefer, appreciate, in fact expect to have a choice around this.

So assumption of nakedness feels presumptious, and like breaching a boundary to force it on someone, or to expect it from someone, in either direction. Even a long term partner. Especially a long-term partner.

There should always be choice, there should always be consent.

Newfoundzestforlife · 17/02/2025 17:58

hereismydog · 17/02/2025 16:44

My DP washed my actual arse crack after my C section because I couldn’t do it myself, and you’re fretting about being naked???

We're all different, some of us like to keep our dignity despite the circumstances...

Chillilounger · 17/02/2025 17:58

Completely comfortable. Never thought about it.

WillIEverBeOk · 17/02/2025 18:00

hereismydog · 17/02/2025 16:44

My DP washed my actual arse crack after my C section because I couldn’t do it myself, and you’re fretting about being naked???

Wow, what a nasty and compassionless person you are! We are all different. No need to put down someone else because they don't feel as comfortable as you.

beAsensible1 · 17/02/2025 18:00

I even think its unrealistic to expect your partner not to comment on your weight. of course they notice as long as they're not being mean i would hope for honesty if asked. I don't associate being fat or putting on weight with being unattractive. it's just a change.

I notice if my partners body changes, if asked i'd comment or if i were worried or had an issue i'd bring it up. the same if he had BO or ear hairs.

LisaD1 · 17/02/2025 18:02

I am overweight and have no problem at all being naked in front of my DH. I mainly just wear knickers to bed and thats so i can quickly throw a long t shirt on if i go to the loo in the nighg and DD bf is here.

My DH has only ever treated me and my body as if we are amazing, even on the days i feel shit, i have no reason to hide away.

Togglebullets · 17/02/2025 18:02

beAsensible1 · 17/02/2025 18:00

I even think its unrealistic to expect your partner not to comment on your weight. of course they notice as long as they're not being mean i would hope for honesty if asked. I don't associate being fat or putting on weight with being unattractive. it's just a change.

I notice if my partners body changes, if asked i'd comment or if i were worried or had an issue i'd bring it up. the same if he had BO or ear hairs.

Did you miss the bit where the op's body HASN'T changed? She was this size when he met her and started a relationship with her.

smooththecat · 17/02/2025 18:03

I wouldn’t walk around naked but it’s due to my mum and how she was about nakedness. Luckily I am single and only feel like the cat looks at me weird if I’m naked.

MrsR87 · 17/02/2025 18:05

It’s a funny thing because I am much more comfortable walking around naked now at 12 stone and a size 12-14 than I was for the first 16 years of our relationship when I was 9 stone and a size 8. I would still walk around naked back then but would usually seek out cover but now I’m not self conscious at all. Maybe as a PP said, your perception changes once you’ve had babies!

Ang3leyes · 17/02/2025 18:06

When I had a partner no I didn’t feel comfortable

smooththecat · 17/02/2025 18:06

I do think men walking around naked is a bit odd, just visually, like all the stuff is out there at the front (haven’t grown up around men too much)

Original poster
SnowflakeSmasher86 · 17/02/2025 18:09

See this is how I felt previously - at age 50 I’d come to feel acceptance that my body is amazing, its done amazing things for me, its battled on through childbirth, chronic illness/autoimmune disease, depression and has brought me so much joy and pleasure - including mindblowing sex with several men! - and now I’m feeling like he sees me as something ‘other’. That i’m in a box with “the other overweight people” and need him to tiptoe around me in case I get triggered because of my huuuuge body! I just don’t see myself like that and i’ve never felt like other partners have ‘seen’ me like that, but he takes that literally as in “but look! How could they not see?!”

OP posts:
Unpaidviewer · 17/02/2025 18:10

I gave birth (and pooped in the pool whilst doing so) in front of my DH. If that didn't put him off then I doubt my wobbly bits would. Both of us walk around naked in front of each other.

Original poster
SnowflakeSmasher86 · 17/02/2025 18:11

beAsensible1 · 17/02/2025 18:00

I even think its unrealistic to expect your partner not to comment on your weight. of course they notice as long as they're not being mean i would hope for honesty if asked. I don't associate being fat or putting on weight with being unattractive. it's just a change.

I notice if my partners body changes, if asked i'd comment or if i were worried or had an issue i'd bring it up. the same if he had BO or ear hairs.

But
a) I didn’t fucking ask!!
b) I own a mirror, and several pairs of trousers so would know if I’d put on weight and
c) i literally used the phrase “my body is an instrument not an ornament. I don’t have an instagram body, I’m plus sized and if you’re not ok with that, swipe on!”

I was this size when we met 2 years ago.

OP posts:
ItGhoul · 17/02/2025 18:13

WhereAreWeNow · 17/02/2025 17:12

I'm really envious of all of you who are so at ease in your bodies. I know on a logical level that my body is fine. I'm slim and healthy. But I feel so ashamed of my body. It's got worse as I've got older. I hate being undressed around DP. I know it's not healthy but I don't know how to change it.

The thing is, though, I am not at ease with my own body at all. I don’t like the way I look naked at all. I hate seeing myself naked in the mirror. I won’t be seen on a beach in swimwear.

But I don’t mind my DP seeing me naked, because he’s my DP. I change in front of him, shower in front of him, walk around the bedroom and to and from the bathroom naked, do my makeup and dry my hair naked before I get dressed etc. I also sleep naked.

In a sexual context I have zero concern for what my body looks like. I never have. I’m too busy enjoying it and it’s always clear that my DP likes looking at me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Togglebullets · 17/02/2025 18:15

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 17/02/2025 18:09

See this is how I felt previously - at age 50 I’d come to feel acceptance that my body is amazing, its done amazing things for me, its battled on through childbirth, chronic illness/autoimmune disease, depression and has brought me so much joy and pleasure - including mindblowing sex with several men! - and now I’m feeling like he sees me as something ‘other’. That i’m in a box with “the other overweight people” and need him to tiptoe around me in case I get triggered because of my huuuuge body! I just don’t see myself like that and i’ve never felt like other partners have ‘seen’ me like that, but he takes that literally as in “but look! How could they not see?!”

Please don't let him do this to you. It makes me so sad to see someone who clearly has confidence in herself being taken apart by some inadequate man. HE is the problem not you.

Saggyknickers · 17/02/2025 18:16

SnowflakeSmasher86

I feel like a lot of posters haven't read all of your posts and there isn't enough outrage at how he speaks to you!

My dh of 20+ years has never said one negative thing about my weight and I have fluctuated from a size 10 to a 16 whilst we've been together and bore 4 children.

He only ever bigs me up and tells me I'm beautiful.

You mentioned your dp is skinny and I wonder if he has issues surrounding weight etc that he's projecting onto you. He is upsetting you and then gaslighting you and telling you you're wrong when you point out how his comments make you feel.

Its definitely not ok, you need to listen carefully to how he is making you feel and ask yourself whether it is worth being in a relationship with someone who is making you feel self conscious and shit. I'd never accept any man making negative comments about my weight personally.

Pottedpalm · 17/02/2025 18:17

Dotjones · 17/02/2025 15:27

It's normal to walk round naked in front of your partner but you're entitled to feel how you feel. Your partner is right that it says something about your relationship, it sends the message that you don't trust him and that you don't believe his attraction to you is genuine.

Such bollocks

bifurCAT · 17/02/2025 18:18

No.

I'm OK during sex, but I really have to be in the mood. Or if I'm pressed against their body, I feel they can't see me (like in the shower), but I don't just 'strut'.

beAsensible1 · 17/02/2025 18:18

your body can change without you putting on weight.

NameChangedForThis1985 · 17/02/2025 18:20

Half the internet has seen me partially clothed (I used to be a glamour model - never naked/topless though) so can't say it bothers me at all. Currently single but always had no problem walking around in front of others (DP, mum, friends on holiday....)

Hazylazydays · 17/02/2025 18:22

Dotjones · 17/02/2025 15:27

It's normal to walk round naked in front of your partner but you're entitled to feel how you feel. Your partner is right that it says something about your relationship, it sends the message that you don't trust him and that you don't believe his attraction to you is genuine.

That’s ridiculous, it says no such thing, it simply says I’m a bit self conscious of my body and I’m more comfortable covering the wobbly bits. Nothing whatsoever to do with ‘don’t trust him’ that’s typical mumsnet rubbish.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 17/02/2025 18:23

I never walked around naked in front of my exH. I've never walked around completely naked in front of anyone. I think I look more attractive with at least something on, even if it's a pair of sexy knickers. We also wouldn't have dreamed of going to the loo in front of each other. I know some people let it all hang out in front of each other, but that wasn't us.

I also don't think anyone should be judging anyone else for not wanting to walk around completely naked in front of someone, no matter who they are. It should only happen if the person enthusiastically consents.