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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being naked in front of DP/DH

465 replies

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 17/02/2025 15:12

Are you comfortable being visibly naked in front of your partner? Would you be ok with the lights on/daylight etc and walk around with nothing on?

Or would you have a towel/underwear/a sheet over you?

i’m not bothered about my wobbly bits on a daily basis, and felt just the same way when I was several stone lighter, so I don’t see it as a body image thing as such, I juat wouldn’t walk around naked in front of him. He thinks this says something fundamental about our relationship.

YABU - I think its normal to feel 100% at ease walking about naked in front of my DP/DH

YANBU - I’d rather keep some things undercover and feel self conscious naked standing up and walking about the bedroom/house.

OP posts:
housemaus · 17/02/2025 21:26

AsLivingArrows · 17/02/2025 20:37

It was just me, my sister, and my mum growing up. We were always really relaxed about nudity. My sister and took baths together for years and we'd both sit and chat to my mum in the bath too.

I think it probably did help me to feel relaxed in my own body because I was aware of what a normal woman's body looks like. I knew from childhood that it was totally normal to have a few wobbly bits.

Show quote history

Exactly the same upbringing here and I've never been bothered about being naked in front of people, and I don't have a 'perfect' body by any means. All my friends and I were quite happily naked in front of each other as kids/teens too though, so I think we just had quite a relaxed friend group. Even now if we're on a weekend away one of my friends will be doing her makeup in the hotel bathroom while the other is in the shower etc.

I get not wanting to be cold/feeling a bit vulnerable naked but I do think it's sad when people go to extreme lengths never to have their body seen by anyone else because they think there's something unusual or shocking about having a body that probably looks like millions of others.

crankytoes · 17/02/2025 21:26

Archive · 17/02/2025 16:17

I used to happily walk around naked with him around. He, however, decided to call me fat during an argument a few months ago so that has very much changed. I know he regrets it but he can never take that back & I can never kid myself about how he seems me again - my hatred of my body is made worse by being heavily pregnant and I’m dreading him seeing me giving birth 😔

Your complete shit of a husband called you fat whilst pregnant?

This surely means your marriage is over. You know it's him that's the problem. Not you

BountifulPantry · 17/02/2025 21:30

Oh god I’ve always got my minge out.

It’s my house! OH never seems to mind haha.

BountifulPantry · 17/02/2025 21:30

crankytoes · 17/02/2025 21:26

Your complete shit of a husband called you fat whilst pregnant?

This surely means your marriage is over. You know it's him that's the problem. Not you

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God how to kill a relationship stone dead in one breath.

JaceLancs · 17/02/2025 21:33

I’m another 100% comfortable being naked with DP or DC, I’m also ok with communal gym and pool changing
I still wear a bikini as an overweight 60 year old - as when I’m on holiday I’m never going to meet any of the people ever again and care little about what they think of me!

crankytoes · 17/02/2025 21:33

Abracadabra12345 · 17/02/2025 16:52

@SnowflakeSmasher86
Its not pitch black, but I’d rather a low level lamplight. I will usually leave my knickers on, get into bed and they come off when I’m ready. Afterwards I’ll ask him to grab my towel or wait until he’s in the bathroom to get up. If i get up first I’d sit on the side of the bed and put pants and t shirt on, not stride across the room butt naked. I’m not like “close your eyes I’m getting up!” I just try and be a bit modest.

I've been like that my whole marriage- I'm late 60s now - which is why my husband thinks I have a great body and legs. 😆. I think a bit of mystery works too, and I don't want to flaunt my wobbly bits thanks very much

You do you and don't be bullied into doing anything which makes you feel uncomfortable/ by anyone, including on this forum. I bet there are loads who are like you.

But doesn't that mean it's close to impossible to have anything other than very very staid and boring sex? Like literally lying back and not moving much?
I couldn't think of anything worse in bed. We enjoy sex in various positions and that means everything will be on display. Not in some frenetic way. But we do move from one position to another a couple of times. My DH worships every inch of my body and lingers over it all.

ASundayWellSpent · 17/02/2025 21:34

Yep, very frequently walk around, no issues and far from perfect body! We also go to nudist beaches together... just don't feel it is an issue for us.

Bloatstoat · 17/02/2025 21:36

I'm amazed at how comfortable everyone is at being naked! I've never really felt comfortable being naked around partners, have been with DH since I was younger and a lot slimmer, and even then for example would never have walked naked from bathroom to get dressed. Now I really don't feel comfortable with it - yes he saw me giving birth 3 times but so did countless medical professionals and I wouldn't want them to see it again either! Like some PP I prefer as little light as possible if we're having sex, would always wear at least knickers and vest top to bed even in summer. I would never look at myself without clothes either, can't remember the last time i looked in bathroom mirror, i just really don't need to see that. I wouldn't have thought I am that unusual, but it seems I am.

XxSideshowAuntSallyx · 17/02/2025 21:38

My ex used to call me fat, it caused massive insecurities for me, so now i have massive body hang ups. You can get rid of the twat but some things are harder to shift.

ItsAWonderfulLifeforMe · 17/02/2025 21:43

Bloatstoat · 17/02/2025 21:36

I'm amazed at how comfortable everyone is at being naked! I've never really felt comfortable being naked around partners, have been with DH since I was younger and a lot slimmer, and even then for example would never have walked naked from bathroom to get dressed. Now I really don't feel comfortable with it - yes he saw me giving birth 3 times but so did countless medical professionals and I wouldn't want them to see it again either! Like some PP I prefer as little light as possible if we're having sex, would always wear at least knickers and vest top to bed even in summer. I would never look at myself without clothes either, can't remember the last time i looked in bathroom mirror, i just really don't need to see that. I wouldn't have thought I am that unusual, but it seems I am.

It’s ok, this is all exactly the same as me, so you’re not alone, you have at least one cover-up buddy on here!!

namechangeGOT · 17/02/2025 21:45

Bloatstoat · 17/02/2025 21:36

I'm amazed at how comfortable everyone is at being naked! I've never really felt comfortable being naked around partners, have been with DH since I was younger and a lot slimmer, and even then for example would never have walked naked from bathroom to get dressed. Now I really don't feel comfortable with it - yes he saw me giving birth 3 times but so did countless medical professionals and I wouldn't want them to see it again either! Like some PP I prefer as little light as possible if we're having sex, would always wear at least knickers and vest top to bed even in summer. I would never look at myself without clothes either, can't remember the last time i looked in bathroom mirror, i just really don't need to see that. I wouldn't have thought I am that unusual, but it seems I am.

Genuine question and I hope you take it as such. If you're worried about light during sex and trying to have it as dark as possible without it being pitch black, how do you relax into the sex, truly enjoy yourself or even appreciate your husbands body if you can barely see it?

Original poster
SnowflakeSmasher86 · 17/02/2025 21:47

Saggyknickers · 17/02/2025 18:16

SnowflakeSmasher86

I feel like a lot of posters haven't read all of your posts and there isn't enough outrage at how he speaks to you!

My dh of 20+ years has never said one negative thing about my weight and I have fluctuated from a size 10 to a 16 whilst we've been together and bore 4 children.

He only ever bigs me up and tells me I'm beautiful.

You mentioned your dp is skinny and I wonder if he has issues surrounding weight etc that he's projecting onto you. He is upsetting you and then gaslighting you and telling you you're wrong when you point out how his comments make you feel.

Its definitely not ok, you need to listen carefully to how he is making you feel and ask yourself whether it is worth being in a relationship with someone who is making you feel self conscious and shit. I'd never accept any man making negative comments about my weight personally.

Thank you. Yes he definitely has some body issues himself. He seems to delight in the fact that he wears a size small even though he’s 6ft+ and he has health anxiety (and general anxiety) so I do feel like he’s putting his own anxieties onto me. I try to resist and don’t go down the rabbit hole with him, but at this one is directly aimed at me I’ve ended up involved in it, defending myself, my choices, my attitudes etc.

OP posts:
FairBrickBiscuit · 17/02/2025 21:48

He sounds awful and abusive, don’t let him get you down!

Onlyvisiting · 17/02/2025 21:50

I'm single and am not comfortable walking around my house totally naked even alone. My dogs judge me 🤣

I will sit around in a towel post shower, but just strolling around totally starkers? No.
For a start it's not that warm!
But I think it is completely normal to feel awkward being fully naked in broad daylight, and doesn't necessarily have to be related to your relationship at all.

Boopeedoop · 17/02/2025 21:51

Grew up in a very prudish household.
I'm always naked at home as an adult. Love it! Even my kids see me naked and they are both in their 20s.

discdiscsnap · 17/02/2025 21:53

We both walk around naked, we have had up and down weight over the years but neither of us are self conscious.

We don't poo, fart or burp in front of each other though!!

Onlyvisiting · 17/02/2025 21:55

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 17/02/2025 16:58

Well I did think that bit was horrendous. That particular gem came about in an argument which culminated in him saying “well just have a fucking heart attack then, see if I care” and I dumped him on the spot.

But he immediately apologised and we talked about it all, and his point is that even before all that I MUST have been self conscious about my weight because of not wanting to be visibly naked with him, so his words are not the reason I’m sensitive about him mentioning it. He says its can’t be a taboo subject etc and that it makes it worse if he has to be worried about saying the wrong thing all the time. And when I say that in 10 years my ex managed to never say “the wrong thing” because he just didn’t talk about my size, he’ll say I must be lying.

i just don’t understand why its so hard not to make a big deal of it. FWIW I’m size 18 and put full length pics on my dating profile saying “don’t swipe right until you’ve seen my full length photos, I’m plus size, I like cake” etc so its not even like he’s known me any different.

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He sounds like a judgemental dick who is going to slowly grind you down.
Honestly- is life with him really better than being single? He just seems like he is low level awful most the time.

Bleachbum · 17/02/2025 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

My kids have never cared about seeing either me or my DH naked. I didn’t care about seeing my parents naked either. It’s just bodies. They are quite confident kids and always let us know if they’re not happy about something.

But as a family we recognise that not everyone is as relaxed about it as we are. My kids have some friends whose families are the same and others who are quite the opposite.

Changingname1988 · 17/02/2025 21:56

I’m fine with a partner seeing me naked, but I’m definitely not walking around naked. It’s so cold, I’d freeze my bits off! Also I’m definitely not fine with my neighbours / passers-by seeing me in my birthday suit as I stroll past my windows…

Question for those who say they are “always naked” do you have really warm houses and keep the curtains closed?!

NotAlwaysasitSeems · 17/02/2025 22:00

TheMauveBeaker · 17/02/2025 20:07

Married for 26 years, late 50s. I’ve always been happy being naked around DH, walking or otherwise 😂. We sleep naked too, can’t be doing with night wear.

I have never been able to do that, I'd be worried that there would be some rare emergency in the middle of the night, and I'd be scrambling for clothes, or attempting to climb out of a window butt naked.😂
Now I have young dcs who are old enough to remember what they see so it's a no go for that as well, as don't want them scarred for life. I also like to wear a stretchy bed bra, I think it helps support and I feel more comfortable in it.

Bleachbum · 17/02/2025 22:08

NotAlwaysasitSeems · 17/02/2025 22:00

I have never been able to do that, I'd be worried that there would be some rare emergency in the middle of the night, and I'd be scrambling for clothes, or attempting to climb out of a window butt naked.😂
Now I have young dcs who are old enough to remember what they see so it's a no go for that as well, as don't want them scarred for life. I also like to wear a stretchy bed bra, I think it helps support and I feel more comfortable in it.

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This has reminded me. When me and my DH were younger we had an emergency where he nearly died in the middle of the night during his sleep (he has a condition). I called an ambulance but when they got there I couldn’t leave him, even for a second to open the door and the operative on the phone said don’t worry, police are with them and will force entry. In storms a couple of police officers and 4 ambulance crew and I’m naked knelt on the floor next to the bed with my DH unconscious, also naked on top of the bed!

Even after that, we still both sleep naked.

FrauPaige · 17/02/2025 22:14

I walk around after the shower twice a day - it always seems to stop my husband in his tracks or has him finding a reason to come and talk to me. I am the same size and shape as when I met him 25 years ago, and it's just something I've never stopped doing.

He also walks around naked post shower - which I enjoy. He played rugby at school so has no concerns about being naked around non-family members too.

UndermyShoeJoe · 17/02/2025 22:15

If he ever once called me fat that would be the last time he saw me naked. In bed. I’m the shower. At all. Because my love would have died for him.

Icanflyhigh · 17/02/2025 22:16

AGoodDayToDie · 17/02/2025 15:31

not a chance!

he has never even seen my stomach, i hate it, it is covered at all times, we have been together since 1987

What???????

Batshit madness and totally made up!😂😂

Evaka · 17/02/2025 22:18

I can't imagine not frolicking naked in front of my partner. For us it's one of the benefits of being in a safe and happy relationship. I've introduced him to nude swimming and saunas on holiday too.

But no judgment if that's not for you and you shouldn't feel pressure to get nekked unless you like how it feels.