Move back to UK for kids' education despite having better quality of life where we are?

[littlewillow123]

Our children are now 12 and 9 years old, and we’re considering moving back to the UK when they reach Year 10 & Year 7. We currently live in SE Asia, where we enjoy a comfortable lifestyle, financial security, and strong family connections. However, we’re thinking about relocating so they can study in the UK from GCSEs through A-levels, potentially giving them better career opportunities and deeper cultural immersion.

💡 Key Factors We're Weighing:
✅ UK: Stronger education system, home fee eligibility for university after three years of residency, greater independence for kids, and exposure to a global environment. However, it comes with high living costs and financial sacrifices.

✅ Where we are: Comfortable lifestyle, financial stability, excellent expat community, strong family support, and flexibility. However, the kids may not fully experience UK culture until later.

📌 Additional Considerations:

• Visa is not an issue as we hold dual citizenship.
• We have family in both countries so children will be living near either sides of the family. Although at the moment they are missing out on time with my husband's side of family.
• We can’t afford private schools in the UK, so they would attend state schools.
• My husband (British) grew up in the UK, went to a top grammar school and university, but he is hesitant. From his experience, teenagers in the UK are more rebellious and exposed to alcohol and drugs at an earlier age, while kids in Asia tend not to have similar issue. One of our child has ADHD so this might be something worth considering.
• With the same income, we’ve been able to save significantly more in Vietnam than we could in the UK and still have better quality of life.

🔎 Our Dilemma:
❓ Would moving to the UK at this stage make a big difference for the kids' future? (We prefer to stay but if it's for the children's benefits, we can live in UK for a few years until they both go to uni)

❓ Or is it better to stay where we are and provide global exposure in other ways (e.g., travel, exchange programs, summer schools)?

If you’ve made a similar decision, we’d love to hear your experience! What did you choose, and how did it turn out? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! 🤔✨

I mean, in some ways it is very straightforward, in that you move back, provide evidence of address, and the LA is obliged to offer you a place at a school that has a spare place in that year group. If you turn it down, you're on your own. But for you, it's certainly not ideal. You could end up with the DC in different schools, failing schools or having to travel a considerable distance.

However, I think for you, the main problem is the timing. As pp have said, schools often start the GCSE curriculum in Year 9 (DS will have done 2 of the 10 topics for each of the 3 sciences in Year 9 before he's formally chosen them as Year 10 options because the school aims to complete new material by Feb of Year 11 and then start revision). Also, it takes time to settle into a new system- we moved back from Asia when DS was towards the end of Year 6. Original plan was start of Year 8 but on reflection he definitely benefited from having longer to just get culturally adjusted (we are British but he was born in Asia and due to covid hadn't been to UK for 2.5 years when we moved back).

I suspect it would be far easier for your DC to go to a UK Uni as international students, when there are tonnes of other internationals, and everyone is "new" than try to assimilate into a secondary school in Year 10 when friendships are very established and get used to a new curriculum with the pressure of public exams looming.

It also sounds as though there's quite a significant lifestyle premium in Vietnam vs what you'd experience in the UK, and that is also highly relevant. I'm not sure I'd move to the UK in order to be poorer.

One possibility- are your DC eligible for state boarding in the UK based on their passports? Might be worth looking into.

We moved back for secondary having been on and off overseas for a while. At the time we felt it would be better for the dc than Indonesia which was the choice for us. Before that we were in a location which we all loved and was great for family life.

It was quite a hard landing and dc asked many times why we had moved back. They missed the lifestyle and friends. We did get a place at a sort after secondary but had to go through an appeal. They have had a very good state education so that’s a plus and have spent more time with family and seen a lot of the uk. Overall we did it and it’s worked out fine but sometimes I think it would have been easier just to stay overseas or have moved back to my dh’s country as by now they would be bilingual. What I will say is that time has gone so fast! All that agonising I did for what seems quite a brief period looking back.

We are moving out of uk again now 2 dc are at uni. One dc still at school so we asked him and he said he’d like finish GCSEs in uk them move with us for a-levels. We would have been moving at the start of yr10 and felt it wasn’t fair on him. Yr10 is very late for such a big move.

Could your dc do a gap year in uk? Or board in uk for a levels/Ib, a friend of mine in Italy sent her dd to a uk state boarding school for sixth form, you pay for boarding but not education. Doesn’t guarantee non foreign fees at a uk uni though I’m sure other pp will know more about that than me.

If you want your children to go to university in the UK be aware that despite being citizens they will be considered international students unless you have lived here for three years prior (or can show they are habitually resident here) and the fees are considerably higher (and probably will be higher even by the time they are ready.)

I'd stick this into the cost calculator/your considerations. If you've been away for a while it might not have sunk in how much these fees have risen.

There are plenty of decent state schools. I'd move in time for secondary school for the older one, if you can.

It's a big decision for you to make. IMO, though, moving for them to start yr 10 is far, far too late and will negatively affect their GCSE qualifications. It's absolutely not something you'd do at the point of starting GCSE courses to give them some life experience in the UK. The 'official' info might be that GCSE courses happen yr10 and yr11, but the preparatory ground work done by schools and by families starts a long, long time before the start of yr10 and IME GCSE results stay with you for a long time so aren't worth potentially damaging. I've explained my reasons why below.

When you arrive and contact the council to find out about school places, your child may have to wait for several weeks for a space and will have to take whatever place is available in or near the area you move to. In some areas there will be limited choice of school. It will depend which schools have places left in yr10 (same applies for the other years).

It's worth knowing that GCSE courses for year 11 are coming to an end now. The bulk of the work is done in yr10. As PP have said, schools begin preparation for KS4 courses in KS3, even if they don't officially start the courses until yr10. KS3 teaches the foundations and subject specific language of topics revisited in greater depth at GCSE. Also, families generally select a secondary school based on their child's interests and how that matches with schools' offerings, including GCSE options subjects, but you wouldn't have that choice as you are applying so late. Also, depending on your child's English proficiency (sorry I don't think you said anything about this in your post), your child would need a high enough proficiency to cope with the language demands of GCSE courses (you haven't left them enough time to gain competence beforehand if you arrive at the start of yr10) & knowledge of 'subject specific' vocabulary taught to lower year groups to ensure their GCSE grades reflect their actual ability.

The options process and setting for GCSE courses and classes takes place in year 9 and could be partially based on assessment done throughout year 9. Arriving for the start of yr10, your child will be left taking whatever spaces are available in classes, so will be left with limited choice, particularly in 'options' subjects.

Sorry If this comes off as negative, but I honestly think it wouldn't be fair to put your child in that situation. I'm sure they'd 'cope' but it wouldn't be the best possible option for them unless you got very lucky with school places.

Hi OP- I grew up to expat British parents in a different country to the UK. I came to the UK for A levels (boarded) because I wanted to go to a British university. I lived the British culture through sixth form and university and definitely understand a lot of the cultural references now, but that comes from time spent in a place. I don’t know the ad jingles from the 80s and 90s, I don’t recall when a snickers was a marathon and I didn’t watch Byker Grove or that kind of thing.

I’ve definitely battled with my identity, but there are plenty of people who have moved and lived in different places and who have different experiences. Your kids are not going to be British kids, even if they move now. But that’s ok and should stand them in good stead in their adulthood. Being almost English has served me better than being fully English I think, I have an accent, I’ve travelled to different places, people are interested in me which has benefited me in job interviews and meeting new people and in plenty of social interaction experiences.

my advice is to encourage their feeling of belonging in your family unit and to enjoy the elements of their two cultures. Good luck, it’s always tricky to know if you’re making the right decisions for your kids!

I would look into an International School. I went to an United World College school and I was very happy there. They seem to have a few in SE Asia, so you might find one that is more affordable? https://www.uwc.org/schools

Hi OP - I grew up overseas and came to the UK for university. My parents wanted my siblings and I to have the experience of an international education and paid the international fees for us to do so. The country I'm from is part of the Commonwealth and we visited the UK often as children so there was already a sense of familiarity, which it sounds like your children have too. At uni I found my 'difference' in being an international student was a positive talking point, and due to my upbringing I could easily integrate with both British and international students. Similar to the post above, some of the cultural references were lost on me (and still are) but that hasn't been a hindrance. I think had my parents tried to move me over in those delicate and angsty pre-teen/teen years I would have hated it as didn't want to leave my friends at home, but by 18 being a bit more mature I was excited to go. I've lived here for 20 years now, married a Brit and our DC get the luxury of holidays abroad visiting their grandparents in my home country. I would stay in Vietnam if I were you, and consider a UK university once the kids are a bit older.

We have had similar thoughts and decided to stay put for now. Every time we return to the UK, we notice that the mood amongst younger people just seems very depressing. I think the UK is rapidly polarizing into a country of have-everythings and have-almost-nothings, with very little in between, which isn’t an environment I want to launch my kids into without good reason (needing to return to care for elderly parents, etc). There is also so much happening in Asia… personally I think the global power centre is going to shift east over the next few decades. Cities like Singapore, Bangkok, KL, etc are thriving, with opportunities for a decent quality of life for middle income earners. There are some excellent university options as well in places like Singapore. I’d give up on trying to have ‘culturally British’ children—they are third culture kids, and that’s no bad thing—and instead use these next few years to save for the best secondary education you can afford. The opportunities you can give them where you are at outweigh the ones you’d be able to offer back in the UK, imo.

OP, there is a reason you ended up here: AI can’t answer this question for you. It’s about your life. There are a zillion unknown variables. Personally, I’d stay put. You say you would prefer that (Educational opportunities being equal). It sounds like your kids are in a good school with well behaved friends and no bad influences. You also have a good support network around you. All of that is worth its weight in gold. They can always move to the U.K. when they finish school if they want to live here for a bit. When something is working well, don’t try to fix it.

I think it all comes down to university really. The family will do better during schooling in Vietnam by the sounds of it, but you don't have a clear and affordable university route.

My recommendation would be to take a middle road. Instead of moving to Surrey with it's competitive schools and parents, pick a small rural community in the UK. Scotland might be a better option with its catchment schools and depending on your exact plans, the possibility of settling in before nationals. Trips to surrey will seem much easier from there than from SE Asia.

The university fees for international students are now in the region of £30k p/y for tuition, not including room and board. They will likely rise more before your children are ready. @xMarksTheSpotlight has it spot on. I do not know what financial help, if any, is available.

I think I would consider moving back to get through this period of their education - you can always go abroad again later.

“When I say culture I was referring to become more eloquent / culturally fluent, exposed to various accents, slang, humour and nuances of English or any idioms, and cultural references, that might be useful in making them more adaptable in international settings.”

Thanks, @littlewillow123 - understood. I don’t think you need to move to get that. Your DCs can get a lot of that just from watching UK shows and reading books aimed at their age group. They will also learn a lot of that when they come to uni. I know I keep returning to the theme of multi-culturalism but certainly in the bigger cities, there are lots of people living and working there who grew up outside the UK.

I’ve just asked my daughter who’s in her 2nd year at a Scottish uni and she said there are lots of international students there who seem pretty well integrated. The fact your DCs have English as one of their first languages will help.

It just sounds like you’d be giving up a very contented lifestyle which works for you all and it would be too large a sacrifice for uncertain benefits.

We lived abroad and moved back for me to do A Levels and my siblings were 13 so just before GCSEs. I really struggled socially. Friendship groups had formed and the culture amongst teens was different. I was at an international school so quite a sheltered environment and the style of teaching was different too and even then I had come over to a selective 6th form so a regular state school could be hard. My siblings faired better but they attended a small private school which felt similar to our old school and were young enough that they hadn't properly hit the teen years.
I think a small private school would work as it's such a big change otherwise I would stay put. They are already half British and have family here so it's not so much of a change compared to what you went through when they're older. Also most unis really have a large number of international students. I personally am friends with people who moved here for uni as international students and they are settled, have good jobs and married Brits and are happy. I imagine uni students may be more accommodating to your dc than school kids so moving later on balance may be better

Uni fees are funded if you are a resident in Scotland and study at a Scottish Uni. A significant thing to factor in financially.

Hi OP, I was in similar situation as you. Lived in UK for more than a decade, moved back to SE Asia (home country for both me and my husband) for almost 4 yrs and made the move back to the UK ( the plan was to move back when they reach first year of secondary school but we moved back earlier). My kids were in International School as local schools standard were really unnecessarily torturous and does not promote curiosity/ think outside the box. We were on an expat package. Our lifestyle were great and easy on a tropical island. Top tier services and restaurants, etc,( gets dull after a while too to be honest). BUT, I did not think that was a good environment for my kids to grow up with. I detested it. Their friends were quite pampered and does not represent real life communities. Life of excess. Materialism. And work life balance is really bad. Employers ring you dry if they pay you well. As social care is almost non existent, crime is rampant especially when Cost of living increases. We didnt feel safe outside of the expat cocoon. Plus side is, I had the reset I wanted as life as a foreigner in UK was getting very tiring. The kids got to experience our home country culture and got to spend time with extended families.

We decided to move back. High taxes! More home cooking haha! Less massages and dull winters. My kids went to a middle ranking Primary and Secondary school. Their classmates represents all level of society. This kept them grounded and they had to work hard in their studies, as classrooms can often be noisy and do not have the attention of teachers at times. We instilled in them that if they want to succeed, they have to be proactive and catch up on their own. Glad to say that they excelled. And most importantly, learned hard work and how to navigate and overcome obstacles.Money saved from not placing them on independent schools here were spent bringing them travelling ( short flight to Europe, US)and for their future. As a family, UK is the preferred environment for us.

I have friends with SEN children and they support were great once you get a study plan in place.

Just want to share my experience and hope it helps you see some positives in moving back to the UK.

I don't know about A-levels, but the most successful people I know of did graduate from some kind of Western grammar/uni - it gives them more global perspective and makes young people more rounded. So I would recommend they do study at some point in the West, be it UK or US.

If your children have duel citizenship, have you looked at state boarding?

Many expats end up returning precisely for the same reasons as you. For a goodish school in Vietnam, it starts at around £15000/year a child, plus addons, like school trips, sports trips, (some to nearby countries) enrollment fees, transport to school, lunches, sports kit, uniform etc. Many are more expensive. Scholarships are few for an expat child.
Having lived in several SE Asian countries, including Vietnam, I can say local state schools are generally very poor,(except Malaysia and Singapore) with few good ones. But if you plan to continue to live there, remember your children's schoolmates will be their contacts into the world of connections, alliances, favours owed and owing, They will also be bilingual, a major asset..
Also your children would have to pay the international student rate if they enrolled at University here. But they, according to various newspaper reports, would get to study in a very good Russell Group University with a lot lower grades
A lot to think about, and a tough choice.

It absolutely was.

Thanks everyone for your insight. I've read all the replies, all valid points indeed.
It looks like the best option for us is to stay where we are, spend the money on summer camp / exchange courses in the UK for the cultural exposure, and pay for international uni fees later on if they go to university.
We still have family ties in the UK so they will come back to see them from time to time for sure.
It looks like UK had seen better times and I hope it will pick up again.

I'd stay where you are.

@littlewillow123 "It looks like UK had seen better times and I hope it will pick up again."

I mean - I don't like the current government much. But this is ridiculous. I'd never raise my kids anywhere else (am originally from the US).

It’s not about not liking the UK, I absolutely love it here, even love the weather!! I’ve spent almost 20 years of my life living overseas, including the US.
This thread was specifically about children moving back to the UK to go to a state school, which as teenagers can be very very difficult for them. If the children had been for example 5 & 8 yrs old then I would have said they’d love it here!! If they were going to private schools that would have been great too, if you don’t get on at one school, you just pay & move them to a different one.

British friends living and working in Spain and France waited until university to send their children back to the UK. One of them is now a linguist.

No country has magical culture but considering he is half brirish and have family from his father side in UK, it's natural mother wants him to get acquinted with the culture.
You tone is quite aggressive for no reason.