To be annoyed about this attempt at splitting the bill

[SpottyPotties]

We went out for a family meal today, which we do maybe 6/7 times a year. Myself, DH and DS (18), DB1, DPs and DB2, SIL and their DC (10 & 15).

When the DC were younger and eating kids meals, we used to split the bill per adult. Everyone has always been more than happy splitting a £6.99 kids meal amongst the adults.

As the DCs are getting older, we have started to split per person, based on who has had an adult meal. As our DC are the eldest, we have led this.

Today, my niece and nephew both had adult meals, a few drinks each and hot chocolates after. DS had a poke bowl which cost less than everyone else’s and a jug of water (his choice - he’s in to the gym and nutrition).

The bill came and DB picked it up and declared we were splitting per adult, so counting my DS as an adult, and not including his DC. I was more than happy to split per person, even though ours would have cost less overall, but I wasn’t happy with having to pay more in total than DB who had an extra person to us.

I said that wasn’t really fair and we did eventually end up splitting per person, but he and SIL were obviously annoyed about it, so AIBU in wanting to split per person, rather than per adult?

DB definitely does not have money worries so this isn’t his reasoning. If he was struggling, I’d be more than happy to put a bit extra in to help him out.

I didn't say "wouldn't split a bill", they will do that. It's pretty rare they will ISSUE bills like that which is what I was replying to. In fact, I think I've only been to two places that did that. I like the ones where you scan a code and just do your own orders.

I really don't know why you can't just pay for you're own family. ie you and your DH pay for yours/DH/DS, DB1 and DP pays for theirs, and DB2 and SIL pay for theirs and their kids.

Wouldn't that make it more easier? Is it called going Dutch, I think? You go up and order/pay for your family meal, they do theirs. Its the fairest, simplest and EASIEST way. All this splitting bills, calculating etc sounds more complicated than it needs to be. Just keep your own bill/tab going forward.

Why? it is exactly the same as taking orders for different tables...... shame maths is so bad in this country even with every mobile phone having a calculator on it.....

It’s only complicated when u get cfs in the group who always want to pay less.
went out w family this weekend and we just split by 3 ( ie the 3 sub families) even tho some drank some didn’t some have more adults and some have more kids
the group that proposed the split was the one who would pay the extra ( slight) and they didn’t mind…

Just split it 3 ways?

the extra £100 DB should have paid for his DC
This must be a michelin starred restaurant then, if the difference between a kids' meal and an adults' meal is £50?

If you eat put together again, just get separate bills, then nobody can feel shortchanged!

Of course yanbu! Pre-empt him next time and tell him approximately how much mains are, is he happy going there given he’s got x amount of dc to pay for. He’s a cf, given it’s no longer child meals.

i think it's OP being penny pinching, what's the difference going to add up to?
(In any event, it should be the pater familias paying, and that goes down generation to generation...)

pater familias

What does that mean?

my 10yo certainly can (always orders the largest steak), and is still hungry when we get home!

the second bit? I would be expecting the grandparents to pay, and when the OP generation have grandchildren themselves, they would do the same... OP is dining in Michelin starred restaurants (per her calculation of £50 difference between a kids' and adults' meal) so i can't imagine this would be a problem?

You don't seem to like him very much so I'm not sure why you go out

But there are no grandparents in the story. Only siblings.

I'm beginning to find this the most tiresome response on MN.
OP describes a behaviour that is tricky to deal with, wants to check what other people think or get advice on how to handle it.
Someone on MN: 'you don't seem to like them very much.'
It's so childish and adds nothing.

But it's not just one thing she's mentioned several things that annoy her and it's not just once it's stuff that's gone on for years

DPs are in OP...

I agree with you, OP.

As a matter of etiquette, it should never be the person who benefits from a particular split who proposes it. So your brother with 2 x younger children was exceedingly bad-mannered to suggest this.

In the same way as it would be bad manners for someone who’d had cocktails to propose an equal split to non-drinkers. Whereas the 1 x non-drinker could propose an even split as a generous and gracious gesture.

Thats the rule in my social & family circle anyway!

I thought they were partners

Your DB is a CF. And your system sounds perfectly reasonable. But his attitude would really put me off family meals with him in future. I think he was trying to embarrass you into shutting up so well done for calling him out on it.

We don't drink. When we go out to eat everyone pays for what they order. My friends are drinkers and I can't afford to subsidise that.

I have never known a restaurant to have any problem putting families on their own bills.
4 families, separate bills is no different to 4 different tables.

Ah, ok, I read it wrong. I read it as DP (partner) of DB2.

Yes that's exactly how I read it.

That's how it should be. Everyone pays for their own order. Easy peasy.