To be annoyed about this attempt at splitting the bill

[SpottyPotties]

We went out for a family meal today, which we do maybe 6/7 times a year. Myself, DH and DS (18), DB1, DPs and DB2, SIL and their DC (10 & 15).

When the DC were younger and eating kids meals, we used to split the bill per adult. Everyone has always been more than happy splitting a £6.99 kids meal amongst the adults.

As the DCs are getting older, we have started to split per person, based on who has had an adult meal. As our DC are the eldest, we have led this.

Today, my niece and nephew both had adult meals, a few drinks each and hot chocolates after. DS had a poke bowl which cost less than everyone else’s and a jug of water (his choice - he’s in to the gym and nutrition).

The bill came and DB picked it up and declared we were splitting per adult, so counting my DS as an adult, and not including his DC. I was more than happy to split per person, even though ours would have cost less overall, but I wasn’t happy with having to pay more in total than DB who had an extra person to us.

I said that wasn’t really fair and we did eventually end up splitting per person, but he and SIL were obviously annoyed about it, so AIBU in wanting to split per person, rather than per adult?

DB definitely does not have money worries so this isn’t his reasoning. If he was struggling, I’d be more than happy to put a bit extra in to help him out.

Yes, its easy peasy, so much easier than having to split between people with different orders/drinks what a bloody mess and nightmare!

Just have your own bill and pay it yourself. Nothing could be easier.

As I’ve previously stated, when my DC were at the stage of eating kids meals, when we worked out the bill, my DCs meals were the equivalent, often less than DF having an extra course, DB1 having extra drinks or DB2 having a steak or whatever. DPs suggested not including kids in the head count and everyone was happy with this as it worked out pretty evenly.

When DB had DC, the same rule was applied to his DC and everyone carried on being happy with the arrangement.

When my DC started eating adult meals, they became part of the head count, so we would pay for 3 adults and DB paid for 2 adults because his DC weren’t counted.

My issue yesterday was his kids had adult meals, dessert, hot drink etc and DB wanted to carry on not including them in the head count. His suggestion was I pay for 3 adults and he only paid for 2, even though the four of them all had adult meals. And the bill worked out at not far off £50 per head, so he was saving the best part of £100 on his bill.

Several things? What else have I mentioned? And what’s gone on for years?

I’m very fond of my DB. He’s got a good heart, but his actions yesterday were either a bit cheeky or somewhat misguided. That does not mean I do not like him.

OP, you have been crystal clear in what you wrote.
Comprehension isn't always the best here.
You were correct to not let this pass without comment.

No one had a kids meal, so the difference wasn’t £50. By the time we’d had a main which was £22 ish, dessert at £8 ish, 2/3 drinks and coffee or kids had hot choc after, plus a tip the bill worked out at just under £50 per head. DB wanted me to pay just under £150 for 3 of us whilst he paid £100 for 4 of them, who had all eaten/drunk as above.

I really can’t see how you think that’s penny pinching?

I feel sorry for the single brother! Just because he has a bottle of wine he still needs to pay for an extra 5 kids and all those partners!

just nooooo

I can promise you that DB1 is not single handedly paying for 5 kids and partners!

There aren’t 5 kids for a start and all those 2 partners have always been included in the head count.

A £6.99 kids meal not does really equate to a bottle of wine or a couple of G&Ts or an expensive whisky. Up until yesterday, I think everyone has been pretty even and more than happy with their proportion of the bill.

Is DP Partner or Parent/s? I mean you put "DPs and DB2" I assumed it was the partner of DB2. But others said parent/s?

DP is Parents. If DB had a partner, I’d like to think it was just be one, not multiple partners.

What? why would they have to take 4 different orders?
They take the same amount of orders as they would from any other group booking - one, because you all order at the same time, exactly as you do now. Then they bring the bill and you work out who had what, no need for the staff to get involved at any point!

re: the bottle of wine, you said your brother drinks a bottle to himself (which in itself seems a bit OTT for a family meal out!) so why any need to split it? You don't even drink so if you did split by family you'd literally be talking about, what, adding on your DH's one or two pints. No idea why you're presenting this as some sort of insurmountable mathematical challenge. How do you think restaurants manage it when groups of individuals dine together? It's not 1982, everyone has a phone with a calculator and almost always a credit/debit card to pay with so it's simple, you don't even need to muck around with getting the right money or waiting for change.

Have you never been out for a meal with anyone other than your family? It's weird how you seem to think everyone just paying for what they had is some sort of complicated, unusual concept that requires individual orders and bills, rather than the norm. If you don't want to do it, fine, but, even if the previous system worked well for you, it doesn't seem to be working now.

So he paid nothing for his children? Did they have any wine?

Going Dutch is the opposite, you don’t waste your time- and your familial/friendship on counting everything to the penny.. you just split fairly evenly. No calculators involved!!!

So you paid _£50 per head. Fair enough per your description. But I’m not sure if your Db+DSIL would be due £100 just for them .did they pay NOTHING for their DC? I might have entirely misunderstood this (alien to me) but all the ‘adults’ split the “kids’” price amongst you?

This is way too complicated. Have your relatives been subsidising you all this time. Do you only have one child. One of your brother seems not to have children. So he's been subsidising for years.

Smug or what?!

the extra cost was presumably the difference between the kids menu and the adult menu x 2? i.e. £22-kids menu cost? Hot chocolate etc separate, or no?

I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking.

There were 10 of us including children. Everyone, including children had adult meals, dessert, 2/3 drinks and a coffee/hot chocolate.

When the bill arrived, DB wanted to not include his DC in the headcount and split the total between 8 people. DPs would pay for 2/8 of the bill, DB1 would pay 1/8 of the bill, I would pay 3/8 of the bill and he would pay for the remaining 2/8.

As his DC ate adult meals I think the bill should have been split equally 10 ways with me paying 3/10 and him paying 4/10.

Agree with others. Just split per family.

I couldn't ever imagine going out with my DB and DS and their families (whether all or some have full adult meals, or drinks, or desserts or whatever the Fk) and not split the bill per family.

What on earth is wrong with people sometimes? It's a rare enough gathering so either you all hate one another, or you shouldn't bother.

It's ridiculous all this - he had, she had, we had, they didn't have, FGS I cannot believe it.

But maybe our families are just normal or something!

You sound extremely rattled about someone else's relatively minor issue. Way more vexed than OP.

Is that "normal" for your family?

Ah no, not at all. We just go out for a meal and enjoy the occasion without getting out a calculator or a blood pressure pill!

When you say split per family, do you mean you split the bill equally between each family group, whether there are 1 or 4 people in the group? Or you add up what you’ve had and pay your family group bill?

If you mean the former, I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting single DB1 pay the same as us with 2 incomes feeding 3 people.

If you mean the latter, that’s pretty much what we’ve done up until this weekend.

Either way, I can’t say I’d need for a blood pressure pill, but I might need a calculator because I can’t do long division in my head!

No ask for separate bills when you are ordering. You pay for what your family ordered. They are used to doing this in restaurants.

Pay for your own individual nuclear family.

Myself, DH and DS (18) pay your own bill. The 3 of you.

DB1 pays his own bill.

DPs pay their own bill for the two of them.

DB2, SIL and their DC pay their own bill for the four of them.

Don't you get it? You should only pay your own individual family bill. Four separate bills. Four groups = four separate bills. That way your own individual family only pays for yourself.

Same if you were a group of four friends out. Each friend pays for themself on their own bill.

The obvious thing was to order and pay separetley for each families meals. Make that clear at outset before you have next meal out

Never understood this mentality, why don't peoe just say we'll pay for our you pay for yours, there it's sorted.

Learn from it for the future.