to not want to announce my baby’s weight

[TeaAndToys]

I know I might be a bit PFB here but I’m feeling like I don’t want to share my baby’s weight when she’s born. My mum is really fixated on babies' weights, and it tends to get uncomfortable when babies weigh over about 6lbs. She’ll bring it up constantly even when it’s unprompted. For example, a school friend of mine recently had a baby who weighed 7lb 3oz and my mum has mentioned how "huge" he is at least four times, despite me pointing out that he’s perfectly average. It drives me mad, especially since my mum has only seen the Mum once in the last 20 years and is probably never going to meet the baby! But she keeps focusing on it. I can’t quite put my finger on exactly why, but the comments always come off as a negative or judgmental, like it’s somehow a bad thing if babies aren’t tiny. So with my baby I’m seriously considering not telling anyone her weight at all to avoid those kinds of comments. Has anyone else felt the same or done something similar?

Is she aware that having a low birth weight baby could reflect that the mother has had health problems in pregnancy or is associated with many problems like baby infections, difficulty feeding, delayed development and increased chance of chronic disease in later life, a significantly increased risk of death within the first year?

I assume she doesn’t, otherwise who would wish these things on their own grandchild or their pregnant daughter purely for their own vanity.

this is her issue not yours, don’t let her insecurities affect your pregnancy. I’m sure your baby will be perfect whatever they weigh.

I know, you couldn't get much more average (and compared to most 15 year olds I work with now, I'm a lot shorter). But to her, I was a monster compared to the female line of teeny tinies where 5 foot with size 3 heels on was the tallest any of them had ever got to.

I would have been terrified leaving the hospital with a teeny baby. I had zero experience of babies at all nevermind a newborn, never changed a nappy, no idea what I was doing and it was just me and DP with no family support. I was so glad to have a 9lb 1 baby that I felt I could hold safely and not drop! Mind you I was v glad I had no warning what size she was going to be, I'd have freaked out, everyone in the room was taken about by the weight and length, dunno where she was hiding in my not-that-big bump

Tbf and I'm not getting into a breast versus bottle thread but I did bottle feed him him for various reasons he gained weight rapidly he's 18 now and eats me out of house and home.

My DS was 11:9 when born and I love seeing how surprised people are.

I also think with him being a boy if I'd had him in medieval times I'd have been the envy of the village - if I'd survived giving birth that is!

Just own it OP. I don't know why you care so much about what your mum thinks. Mine were 8lb which is pretty average and 10lb8oz. My second born was also the second biggest baby born so far that month 20th of the month. I'm 5ft8 with big hips so I can accommodate a big baby. I'm proud of it and I wouldn't let anyone make me feel shame about my beautiful boys.
When your mum had babies they were smaller. Me and me siblings were all 7lb something but just like how kids are getting taller due to better nutrition so babies are getting bigger.

Did you read the part where the OP said her mum obsessed about food and weight her entire childhood and she ended up with an eating disorder??

The OP doesn’t want this repeated with her own daughter.

OP i really feel for you. Logic won't work here - there's no point telling your mum average birth weights or how 6lb is actually really small.

Your mum has an eating disorder, which of course she triggered in you by talking about weight like this. I grew up in a house with similarities - my mum talked about her weight constantly. Every photo of herself she was ever shown she complained about how fat she was. It is still the first thing she says. There's no point asking her not to- it will just pop up later, like your mum.

My mum's mum was a yoyo dieter - my great grandmother was an anorexic. We pass these things down unless we are able to break the cycle.

It is ok to talk about your baby's weight - you need to find a way for your mum's words to wash over you. You can't stop her saying them - you need to change your reaction to them.

I recommend transpersonal psychotherapy if you can manage it.

Both my boys were 8lb 1. They both still looked tiny.

DM "How much did baby weigh?"

@TeaAndToys "Baby was the perfect weight."

DM "Yes, but exactly how much did she weigh?"

@TeaAndToys "Not an ounce less than she should have been."

DM "Yes, but in pounds and ounces, how heavy was she?"

@TeaAndToys "I already told you, she was the perfect weight for a baby of her size. Please could you make me a cuppa, I've got my hands full, thanks!"

From your title I was ready to say YWBU, but given your DM's obsession with weight, it seems sensible to put in this boundary early on - can you imagine when your DD is 16 "Oh darling, Granny called and wanted to know how much you weigh this week, could you send her a quick text so she can fill in your growth chart?"

Your Mum is weird to care so much about weight but you are a little weird to care about her caring. 😅
It be very odd not to tell people the weight of the baby if they asked.

I don’t blame you that’s absolutely bizarre of your Mum. 6lbs is tiny to me! My two were 8lbs and 7lb 11 and my second always felt so much smaller to me and even my 8lb er didn’t feel large! 7lb 3oz is a perfectly normal size.

And even if you DID have a baby a little on the bigger side it’s odd that she’d be so fixated on it. I’d do what you want. But don’t let her put you off telling people the baby’s weight if you want to. Just set boundaries and put her clearly straight the first time she makes a comment.

A baby’s weight is only relevant to parents, health visitors and anyone who wishes to buy them clothes.

I have never even thought of it until now. Always announced the size and weight of mine. I do tend to ask because then I know what size outfit to get. Now I will worry that it might be considered inappropriate.
It seems to me odd that your mum thinks that babies of a normal weight are huge. Did she have tiny babies and thought people judged her? Or again maybe she had large ones and was judged? I had one very large one and several strangers commented that I must have over eaten, I was 8 stone when he was born, same as my usual weight. My smallest baby I had the opposite reaction where a couple of people asked me if I had smoked through pregnancy, I was never a smoker.
There is no need to announce weight.Do whatever you feel comfortable with. Beyond all else enjoy that precious baby.

New born clothes are 7lbs+
"Tiny baby" are 6lbs.
It's even in the name of the baby clothes

This gives me the ick too!

My mum has this really bizarre obsession that I will have ‘bigger’ babies
my first she guessed at like 8lb 9 and he came out 7lb (I had a small bump too), he dropped to 6.6, and my second again she guessed 8lb 6 and he was an average 7lb 2 but dropped to 6lb 9. Both ended up needing Tiny Baby baby grows and she was shocked. I took it as a personal insult to me cos she thinks I’m massive and always has done when again I’m just average!

Just say:

"Oh I can't remember, between 6 and 8 pounds or something, I wasn't interested in that part, and only bothered about baby being healthy."
Then watch her get really agitated that you don't know.

When I was little my mum used to go on about how huge I was (7lb 10oz, very average, but my cousin born 3 weeks earlier was under 6lb). She then had several more children over 8lb so she doesn’t say that anymore.

Geez body shaming newborns ...I think that is quite a reflection on her.

Sickness saw me gain hardly any weight and still have big babies. It's not a reflection on the mother's moral fibre!

Oh and who cares or remembers the weight of other people's babies ??

You know, I don't think it is body shaming the baby, I think it is aimed at Mum. It is almost questioning how much she has eaten, taken care of herself and baby through pregnancy; obviously genetics, how far along, and any complications have nothing to do with it.
Some make underhand bitchy comments about vaginally delivering a "big baby." I honestly think it is used as yet more criticism/put down of women, by other women (which is even worse), not to mention our own dms in some cases!

I hear what you are saying! Also think who looks at a newborn and thinks they are anything other than tiny?

It's ridiculous isn't it. When I had my first, I sent dm pics from the hospital, baby was 81bs, and over due 2 weeks. When she came over she said 'Oh he is tiny, I thought he looked chunky on the pics and was expecting 'Billy Bunter.' I was speechless, first time she had met her first grandchild!

Again it's all relative. I weigh the same as my partner, he's underweight and I'm overweight because there is a significant height difference. My baby was 9lb but he was also the longest baby most of the midwifes had ever seen. He wasn't big at all. He's now 3 and only weighs 2 stone but he is also as tall as the average 5 year old which makes for some disgruntled looks from people when he displays the behavior of a 3 year old! She'd hear the weight of my baby and assume he needed slimming world from day one!

I'm glad the weight announcement seems to be going out of fashion.

Your mum sounds ridiculous. I wouldn't keep it a secret as she will get it out of you and it'll just be part of the story about her grandchild's birth: eg "And do you know she kept their weight a secret from me? Yes, DGC weighed X....."

I'd tell her if asked (but in KG) and possibly massage the truth if needed so it's less remarkable as a weight. If she comments in a way that irritates you, tell her!

I had a smallish baby which was picked up on a scan initially. My diet was exemplary throughout pregnancy and I then tried eating even more nutritious but calorie dense food to try to make them gain weight. It didn't work - it just made me gain a lot of baby weight! My extremely slim friend had a huge baby but also a huge placenta - I think that might have something to do with it perhaps. I felt guilty for having a smaller baby. They're v tall now and above average for weight.