to not want to announce my baby’s weight

[TeaAndToys]

I know I might be a bit PFB here but I’m feeling like I don’t want to share my baby’s weight when she’s born. My mum is really fixated on babies' weights, and it tends to get uncomfortable when babies weigh over about 6lbs. She’ll bring it up constantly even when it’s unprompted. For example, a school friend of mine recently had a baby who weighed 7lb 3oz and my mum has mentioned how "huge" he is at least four times, despite me pointing out that he’s perfectly average. It drives me mad, especially since my mum has only seen the Mum once in the last 20 years and is probably never going to meet the baby! But she keeps focusing on it. I can’t quite put my finger on exactly why, but the comments always come off as a negative or judgmental, like it’s somehow a bad thing if babies aren’t tiny. So with my baby I’m seriously considering not telling anyone her weight at all to avoid those kinds of comments. Has anyone else felt the same or done something similar?

Yeah, you'll get asked, frequently. When DD was born we didn't know we were having her until DP went into labour. I actually missed the birth so wasn't there when she was weighed, and when I did turn up I didn't even think to ask because there were so many more important things to think about.

Over the next few days pretty much every single person I told asked about her weight. By day 2 I figured I really need to find this obviously vital information out!".

Part of that was probably an element of "How the hell didn't you know your girlfriend was pregnant", but part of it is just because baby's are essentially boring. They don't do anything to start with, so the only ways you can show interest is "Boy or a girl, "how's mum doing", "are you getting much sleep", and "what did they weigh?"

@TeaAndToys I can understand, I had large babies and people can be very rude! (if you know what I’m saying!)

7lbs is a pretty average weight !

This is utterly weird. 7lbs was the average birth weight when I was born - a longggggg time ago.

I had a 7lb 9 baby and she was in tiny baby clothes for weeks haha. Then two big 10lb babies one that is very slim and petite now (and i'm only 5'2).

That's very weird of your mum, babies come in all sizes it doesn't really matter as long as they are healthy.

She sounds mental.

Mine were 9lb and 10lbs respectively, what would she have said then?! Women who have had babies can be fixated on birth weight, it’s weird. YABU not to announce it just because of your mum though, why even care what she thinks?!

A local woman delivered naturally at a whopping 18 pounds at home unmedicated. She’s never fully recovered. My first born was a tiny 3pounds and my youngest was 8pounds bang on.

DD1 was 8lbs exactly and is about 9 stone and 5'5" as an adult.

DD2 was 9lbs 2oz and is about ten and a half stone and 5'10" in her late teens. DD2 was also 10cm longer than DD1 at birth.

I was 8lbs 12oz and so was DH back in the 1970s so I had a fair idea that my babies would not be tiddlers. They are both healthy and slim and were always in a healthy weight range as kids.

I don’t think YABU - my first was 5lb 6oz - no reason, no concern, just small. MIL said that I must’ve been smoking throughout the pregnancy and told a lot of her family the same. I’ve never smoked. To her it was as though there was no other possible reason for a small (but healthy) baby.
So I don’t think YABU because idiots draw their own conclusions as to why they are the weight they are.

Most people won’t comment and if they do then it’s not a big deal you are, kindly, being very pfb. I do get that it’s annoying but you will have a lifetime of people picking at your parenting one way or another, you can’t hide away from it.

Both of mine were 7lb 5oz and the only person who ever made any kind of comment was MIL who went on and on about how tiny they were but they weren’t, it’s a perfectly normal weight, she just had heavy babies so to her they were small. SIL recently had a large baby and it’s brought up to me all the time like SIL did something right where I totally messed up, as if anyone could control the size of their baby (I am considerably smaller than both SIL and MIL though).

18 lbs?!?!?!

Does anybody really care about a baby's weight beside the parents and at a stretch the grandparents?

I have a mother a bit like this. I've actually found that the best way to 'cure' these oddities with her is just to be really blunt.

"Mum, I am worrying about telling you my baby's weight because of the comments you continually make about other people's babies. I am sure that you are not aware of the impact you are having on me, so I wanted to have this conversation with you in advance. So we are clear - a 'normal' baby will weigh somewhere between x and y. I intend on telling you baby's weight, but if you say 'abc' or 'def' or 'ghi' then we will go home/end the phone call/ask you to leave."

And then stick to it. I cannot tell you how many times I've hung up the phone or left their house earlier than planned, but it is becoming less frequent as they realise I'm serious. My mother doesn't have the emotional intelligence to understand this, but she is able to understand basic rules even if she doesn't agree, and speaking to her clearly and calmly like a toddler is the only way to break through.

In moments of compassion, I can recognise how desperately sad it is that her entire sense of worth is built around eating, size and putting down others. But that's also not my problem and the generational curse ends with me.

She will comment on something... Weight - too big /too small
Hair - lots /none
Crying - too loud /not much crying
Feeding - too much =you are over feeding
Settles well - you're starving your baby.
Maybe play baby bingo with dh?
See her as little as possible... It's people like her that drive dms to pn depression...

18 lb wow 😱

Just estimate a weight in KGs and leave it at that.

Whatever you do just do not lie to her about the weight. Your mum has an issue with food and weight. Imagine you told her baby was 5lbs and as she is growing up if your mum doesn't deem her to be at an acceptable weight she'll say things to your daughter like "you were such a beautiful tiny baby, what's happened" etc. You developed an ED brought on by your mum. You need to keep this kind of influence away from your own child.

It's tragic that there are women like this.

It was a source of pride to my mother that she had six pound babies. The day I came along weighing 5 and a bit was even better.

Maybe if she'd laid off the fags and diet pills for a bit and actually eaten, it would have avoided two of us needing resuscitation and for me, a stay in special care.

My 7 pounder was called massive by her - but was 'expected with how big you are normally' (8 st 4 at the time).

The next one was over 9lb. She didn't want to admit it to her friends and wouldn't hold her because 'I couldn't possibly lift THAT'.

Being teeny tiny is not a desirable trait to make the basis of your entire personality, never mind trying to infect your children and grandchildren lives with it.

OP we have had lots of baby announcements recently and about 50% of people haven’t shared weight. I would just leave it off the announcement message but tell everyone who asks except your mum? Easy solution.

Not really i think it's just something people say
It's like when you ask the what the name is and it's not a name you would have chosen you say oh that lovely even if you don't really mean it.

This. She’s going to bang on about something irritating regardless. If it were me, I would have to think of something equally irritating/truthful to say back. So when she starts on about baby’s weight just say ‘mum, can you please stop taking your weird food issues out on baby.’ Hopefully she’ll get sick of it

I had a 12 pounder. 😀

I might be strange but a baby's weight is something I couldn't give a fig about. It's the least interesting thing and I've never asked about it. Mum ok, baby ok... that's it.

I wonder who thought up that inane weight question in the first place?

Mine were both 6 pounds. This was not a good thing. It was because they were both induced 3 weeks early due to pregnancy problems and really needed another 3 or 4 weeks of weight gain in utero. DS particularly was skinny, not like a more usual newborn.

i don’t know if you’ve said how heavy your baby was, but I’d be tempted to tell her that the baby was 9 pounds 10 or something like that and see how she enjoys that.

What a silly woman she is.

If this is your first baby you’ll need to take this as the first stand against her. You need to absolutely refuse to be swayed or judged by her in any way when it comes to weight. Either refuse to talk about your babies weight or be absolutely blunt and sharp with her - ‘my baby is a healthy weight which is all that matters - if you have a comment that is negative or unsupportive about their weight, I don’t want to hear it’. Small babies are not ‘good’ or desirable at all - they are often the result of something not being quite right during their critical growth cycles. What a toxic viewpoint she has.