to not want to announce my baby’s weight

[TeaAndToys]

I know I might be a bit PFB here but I’m feeling like I don’t want to share my baby’s weight when she’s born. My mum is really fixated on babies' weights, and it tends to get uncomfortable when babies weigh over about 6lbs. She’ll bring it up constantly even when it’s unprompted. For example, a school friend of mine recently had a baby who weighed 7lb 3oz and my mum has mentioned how "huge" he is at least four times, despite me pointing out that he’s perfectly average. It drives me mad, especially since my mum has only seen the Mum once in the last 20 years and is probably never going to meet the baby! But she keeps focusing on it. I can’t quite put my finger on exactly why, but the comments always come off as a negative or judgmental, like it’s somehow a bad thing if babies aren’t tiny. So with my baby I’m seriously considering not telling anyone her weight at all to avoid those kinds of comments. Has anyone else felt the same or done something similar?

Just tell her to stop going on about it. It's really boring. Shut her up.

Btw since my mother was 7lb 4, I was 7lb 4 and DS was 7lb 4 (despite him being a week early), I'm of the opinion there's a genetic thing going on here. Apparently it's related to the baby's maternal grandmother.

In other words if that's the case, it's her fucking fault not yours.

How odd. I never really consider babies weights unless they are really big or really small. My babies were huge over 10lb. My friends baby was a tiny 5lb9. I was scared I’d break him when I was used to such chunky things. Your mum is weird. I’d much rather have a big baby than a tiny one

Jesus I don't even think I know eactly what my sons weight was... 7 something something... He wasn't thrown back! It's a baby, more specifically your baby, she doesn't have to have any input

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy OP.

I sense a deep and justified anxiety and can see there is a lot of history here.

This is a wonderful time in your life and I hope that as far as you are able (and it won’t be easy), you can ignore your toxic mother and not let her put a dampener on the birth of your child.

She clearly has major problems with eating and body image and damaged your own childhood. You’ve done so well to overcome great challenges and move past that and soon you’re going to have your own little family.

I wouldn’t let anyone this toxic havd too much time with my family and she will pay the price of her terrible behaviour by not seeing her grandchildren as much as she might have, because you will I’m sure protect your child from the damaging behaviour she has.

Wishing you well 💐

Take the piss?
Tell her the weight and then say but don't worry, I've signed baby up to junior ww and they'll be back to their 12 week weight in no time, fear not.

The weight seems awfully irrelevant and inappropriate. You wouldn’t ask an adult what they weighed. And also completely meaningless unless you were the one who gave birth.

I sometimes do baby cross stitch samplers and leave it off even though lots of the pattens use it.

I had a huge baby and now hes 6 and super skinny , hes literally in 4-5 clothes even though hes nearly 7 because he's so skinny. Birth weight means nothing so shes silly.

OMG OP my MIL is the exact same and it’s so bloody weird! Any baby over about 7 and a half pounds is called a ‘whopper’ and god forbid they’re 8lb+ they’re considered grotesque. Honestly it’s the most bizarre thing and she also constantly asks for babies weights if we tell her friends or family have had babies. Some people are so weird!

Go in hard and tell her that you won't confirm baby's weight if she's gonna bang on about it.

She won't change her ridiculous stance but at least she'll know you think she is being stupid.

just lie

You could just tell her the baby weighed 6lb 2 but tbh OP you are going to be listening to this bullshit after the birth too.... Anyone that determined to squeeze themselves into jeans the day after giving birth just to prove some weird point to themselves that they are a 'sucess' is never going to be able to be rational about weight without a lot of counselling imo
I think you are going to have to be very blunt to the point of an ultimatum that she cannot ever discuss weight, size, food types or portions about or around your child or contact will have to be limited. She has a choice in her behaviour, if her views are more important than a relationship with her child and gc that's on her, you have to protect your child

She seems to think that heavier babies are somehow uncouth and something to passively aggressively mock the mother for, like a weird status thing.

Don't tell her. You'll know you'll regret it. Lie if you want.

Yes I think it's some kind of retrograde, dated insinuation that smaller / lighter babies are clearly cute & beautiful, whereas the mother has clearly failed if she gives birth to a ugly heavier baby. Clearly a failure for her and something for other bitchy women to grab onto.

Sort of reminds me of how it's usually women who make a big deal out of feet size, a topic which needs its own thread really.

''Oh you're a size SEVEN are you?? My my!! That IS large ISN'T IT? Well my feet are so small that I sometimes shop in the child's section!'

I think that's fine! I didn't share the weight of my baby in most announcements this time round, she was perfectly average and it just didn't occur to me tbh. Nobody asked. It's fine to omit that info but if your mum asks just respond breezily rather than making a thing of it. The weirdness is all hers.

I sympathise. I had a weird experience with my first (who was 6lb and has continued to be the smaller end of normal)... We were at the first birthday of a fellow NCT baby and this baby's grandfather congratulated me on her smallness. Quote, "ah, we like a petite girl". Absolutely bats. Such a toxic and boring worldview. And besides it has absolutely no bearing on whether she'll be a gossamer adult one day.

I had a big baby (11lbs) and was a bit ashamed of it. I don't know why and it took a while to unpick. I guess being a child of the 80s/90s being small and petite and thin was a big deal (I was not those things).

That said, the second he arrived I knew he was utter perfection (and still absolutely tiny as humans go!) and I loved every molecule of him.

I'd be firm with your mum, just tell her she's being weird, no one cares about weight except for health reasons and she needs to stop going on about it.

That's really weird of her. I had a 9lb baby 30 years ago and, yes he was big, but it wasn't my fault or his, nor was it a bad thing. Seems to me like an odd idiosyncrasy of your mums, best ignored. People will ask the weight and you'll draw more attention refusing to say. Just tell your mum it's a healthy weight so please stop commenting?

Measure baby’s length. When asked how much baby weighed, tell her “S/he was Xcm long.”

When mum persists in asking weight, reply that length is a much more important measurement because of… whatever reasons you care to give.

I might even have head circumference as a back-up fact.

It’s sad that you feel this way, but yanbu, some women project their own bodily insecurities onto their children and it’s sad.

One of my friends has a little girl that is one and one of her other friends had a little boy at around the same time. She LOVES to show me photos of the two babies next to each other and exclaim how ENORMOUS the little boy is, and how he’s TWICE THE SIZE of her ‘petite’ baby.

It’s very, very annoying.

Yes, a big baby for sure__

Same subset in my experience. After being the coveted SCBU baby, she was most disappointed - actually, absolutely bloody furious have my early promise - to find that I was so insolent as to grow both taller (5'5") and to have 'horrible fat man hands and feet'.

If you'd heard her describe me as a 15 year old, you'd have been expecting some kind of behemoth to come lumbering in, grabbing the teeniest, tiniest person in the room (her) and climbing up the Crystal Palace Tower to fight off biplanes.

What you got was a perfectly normal teenager who slouched because she was so incredibly tall 🙄but stubbornly wore DMs rather than follow her demands to 'just wear tighter shoes and that'll make your feet smaller' because cheap rate foot binding was not on her list of idiotic things to do with her life.

@NeverDropYourMooncup 5'5 is still within average. I don't think that's tall enough to qualify for tall women sizing in shops actually.

Your mum would make me angry. She should have been supportive and not disdainful of characteristics you were born with. After all....she and your father gave them to you!!

Your mum is weird

Why not just lie?

Tell her the baby is 7llb

On the flip side my ds1 waa 5lb14oz at 41 weeks no reason just petite I was paranoid about him being so small!

You don’t need her to change her mind or have a moment of introspection, though. You just need her to stop it. So, tell her, directly, to please stop it.

I get that family relationships are complex and communication is often nuanced. But, sometimes, you do need to forthright with regards to what you do not find acceptable. This is clearly really upsetting you, so this is one of those times.