to not want to announce my baby’s weight

[TeaAndToys]

I know I might be a bit PFB here but I’m feeling like I don’t want to share my baby’s weight when she’s born. My mum is really fixated on babies' weights, and it tends to get uncomfortable when babies weigh over about 6lbs. She’ll bring it up constantly even when it’s unprompted. For example, a school friend of mine recently had a baby who weighed 7lb 3oz and my mum has mentioned how "huge" he is at least four times, despite me pointing out that he’s perfectly average. It drives me mad, especially since my mum has only seen the Mum once in the last 20 years and is probably never going to meet the baby! But she keeps focusing on it. I can’t quite put my finger on exactly why, but the comments always come off as a negative or judgmental, like it’s somehow a bad thing if babies aren’t tiny. So with my baby I’m seriously considering not telling anyone her weight at all to avoid those kinds of comments. Has anyone else felt the same or done something similar?

Interesting.

MIl is like this - and was funny about feet size as well.

I actually didn't put weight on in first pg on but she kept on at me about weight - once pfb was born I was actually lighter - but she couldn't stop trying to make out I'd put weight and making comments post birth about what I ate.

They were actually pretty pleased with second baby a boy weighting 10lb - that was a good thing - but then got nasty we weren't constantly weighing him and when we did he was coming down centile charts. Then it switched to height with kids.

I'm not sure hiding weight will help - could try hospital said baby was bang on normal this day and age - with my MIL saying well they were full term babies as Dh wasn't did stop some of it.

I'd say, "Mum, your fixation on baby weight, and weight in general, isn't normal. I don't want to have any more conversations with you about people's weights. Not my friends' babies' weights. Not my baby's weight. Not my weight. Every time you discuss anyone's weight I am just going to shut down the conversation. Because it's bloody annoying, but more than that, it's actually quite toxic. And just so you know, I'm not going to tell you how much my baby weighs when they are born. So don't ask."

OP i can send you a photo of my 11lb 8 at birth son as a new born to send from the hospital if you really want to annoy her!!

Honestly how do you tolerate that? A healthy baby is a healthy baby! Good luck to you. You shouldn't need to worry about others behaviour when pregnant and in labour.

a dietician I knew always asked if the mum had gestational diabetes if baby was 10lb +, then went on about how those with GD often had big babies. That was until her first was born who over 10 lbs 😆🤣 No mention of it anymore with baby weight…

Honestly some women are judgy about weight in all areas of pregnancy. I was thin before getting pregnant, and at work randoms I didn’t know seemed so smug to tell me how huge I was, like I didn’t fucking know already. Like, I didn’t even know/remember their names so wasn’t close to them but they would stopping me in the corridor to ask all concerned how far along I was cause I was just so big, and kept insisting how big I was when i tried to shrug it off and get away from them. The two main ones were big ladies themselves (not that I give a shit) or who were known to make comments on others weight if they’d lost some. Their faces when I said I was getting scanned as baby was measuring small (this was actually true at one point).

I then had a 9lb+ baby so the comments started all over again. They shut up quickly as I ‘skinnied’ out again with breastfeeding which I hope pissed them both off greatly (and sorry if that is a stealth boast, but it didn’t last ha!)

what's wrong with your mum?? most babies born at full term are above 6lbs. Mine were both around 9lbs and completely average. what exactly is so I comfortable for her esp as she doesn't have to birth them? this must be one of the weirdest posts I have seen here and there is a lot of weird shit on MN.

@TeaAndToys I would be far more concerned about your mother's impact on your child as they grow.
Her fixating on size and weight is only going to get worse so you need to decide how you are going to handle this.

I think telling her very firmly that you won't accept any conversation or comments from her about size, weight, dieting in front of your child and if she doesn't respect that, she won't see them.

I'd concentrate on that, and not your baby's birthweight, because she represents a danger if she's allowed to drip her poison into your child's ears later.

I'd consider using her fixation against her, in a 'if I hear one more word out of you about birthweight you can kiss contact with me and my child goodbye' kind of way. Because let's face it, at some point you're very likely to have to take the 'if I ever hearing you talking shit about weight to my child, you will never be allowed to see her again' line. Seriously.

Good god, your mum is actually fat shaming NEWBORN babies?

Give your Mum a chance - hopefully she’ll be so delighted with every other aspect of her new grandchild that she’ll not feel the need to fuss about his or her weight.
Other people would probably think you were bonkers for refusing to disclose the weight.

Good god, your mum is actually fat shaming NEWBORN babies?

No - their mothers.

Such a weird thing to be obsessed with

Following on from my previous reply, I'd suggest the following.

Tell your mum you're not interested in having any conversations with her about weight, and that you won't even be telling her your baby's weight when she is born because you're finding her repeated comments about your friend's baby's weight so fucking annoying you don't want to be subjected to the same thing times ten about your own baby.

Every time she mentions anybody's weight, in any context, say, "Mum, I told you, we're not talking about people's weight. I think you have a lot of emotional issues around weight, I had an eating disorder myself as you know, and I am determined to break this toxic cycle and not pass on any hang ups about weight to my daughter. So we're not talking about weight."

If she continues, you end the conversation. Try changing the subject first, if she insists, you hang up the phone, stop responding to texts, or physically walk away from her.

With regards to other people, make your baby announcement without any reference to weight. If anyone other than your mum asks how much your baby weighs, tell them and don't mention your mum.

If your mum then says, "Sandra mentioned that Isla weighed 8lbs when she was born" (which I think is unlikely because Sandra will think she already knows her granddaughter's birth weight and she's unlikely to want Sandra to know that she isn't privy to this information, just repeat, "Mum, I told you, we're not talking about people's weights."

Just tell her any weight that she'll think nothing of. Regardless of the actual weight. 6.5lbs?

This is weird though I've realised my mum is like this. Mine were 8lb and 8lb6 so I guess big-ish but I don't start thinking a baby is big til they're maybe getting closer to 11lbs or something more unusual? She was all wow they're huge and reading your post has reminded me that made me uncomfortable. I was 6lb something but my sister was under 6lbs which mum thought was great.

My MIL is very performative/competitive. DS1 was 7lb 5oz and early. Once he was born she rang every week. "Have yiu been to the clinic? How much weight had the baby put on?

Every other week, I said "ooh 6oz this time" or "yes 9oz".

I never once went to queue up at the awful clinic to get the baby weighed, I could see him growing.

The ridiculous obsession with baby weight gain seems ludicrous to me in a nation where there is a corresponding ding obsession with obesity.

The HV turned me right off when she told me the 50th centile was the average weight. No it isn't, it was tosh and she needed a lesson in basic statistics but it was said with such authority.

What do you or any siblings way and what did your mum weigh? I thought seven pounds was a normal weight.

That's so weird I thought you were going to say the reverse IE didn't want to say how small baby is. A big baby is generally a healthy baby. If anything I felt a little apprehensive saying mine was only 6lb 9 when everyone else was talking about their 8 lbers

Just tell her 4 but don’t mention it’s in kg.

Seems a bit drama llama - most new parents just share it. 🤷‍♀️

Ask her what she thinks the best weight is for a baby, then when your baby is born you can give her the right answer. 😁

Bizarre she is bothered by a baby being bigger than 6llbs mine was 6 lbs. 9 oz and it’s been stressful as she has had slow weight gain due to reflux. The bigger the better I say, I wish my daughter would chub up.

100%

I was 4lb something, they said I would likely be quite short

I'm 5ft 10 with huge shoulders

I would be far more concerned about the long term impact having someone with such a toxic mindset around your DC will have.

Especially if you have a daughter, being exposed to comments like these can be deeply harmful. I would not allow it and I would be looking to go LC if it continued.

Over 6lb being a problem is a point of view that's warped. Thus your mother has a fucked up view point as the default.

In the UK:
Boys: Average birth weight is 7 lbs 8 oz (3.4 kg)
Girls: Average birth weight is 7 lbs 4 oz (3.3 kg)

That means 'normal' is a range slightly lower than this to slightly higher.

So deriding anything over 6lbs is both unhealthy and delusional.

You have a Mother problem, now a weight problem.

Ask her why she thinks it's health to have a below average weight baby? See her response.

id have a serious conversation with her about commenting on weight- not only at baby stage. Assuming your child spends some time with her, this line of talking/ thinking can be very damaging and cause ED down the line. Make it clear that if she doesn’t rein it in you wouldn’t have your child around her and her harmful mindset around weight.

Is she likely to get the kitchen scales out when you're out of the room if you don't tell her?
Honestly unless she's some kind of heartless monster, surely when it comes to her own precious grandchild she won't actually care how much they weigh as long as they are healthy. If she does go on, tell her to stick a cork in it and that you don't want to hear her unhealthy, judgmental opinion as it's irrelevant and offensive. If it pisses you off that much you gotta tell her as it is.