to not want to announce my baby’s weight

[TeaAndToys]

I know I might be a bit PFB here but I’m feeling like I don’t want to share my baby’s weight when she’s born. My mum is really fixated on babies' weights, and it tends to get uncomfortable when babies weigh over about 6lbs. She’ll bring it up constantly even when it’s unprompted. For example, a school friend of mine recently had a baby who weighed 7lb 3oz and my mum has mentioned how "huge" he is at least four times, despite me pointing out that he’s perfectly average. It drives me mad, especially since my mum has only seen the Mum once in the last 20 years and is probably never going to meet the baby! But she keeps focusing on it. I can’t quite put my finger on exactly why, but the comments always come off as a negative or judgmental, like it’s somehow a bad thing if babies aren’t tiny. So with my baby I’m seriously considering not telling anyone her weight at all to avoid those kinds of comments. Has anyone else felt the same or done something similar?

OP, look up the Let Them theory, podcast or book, which is about how to let these sorts of annoying things go over your head. Sounds like you need this with your mum.

i think this is about her making herself virtuous about being small or slim and having a small baby, and her weird slimming obsession has already had an adverse effect on you, so you could probably do with switching off from her, it’s her eating disorder and related thoughts and not yours.

Are you not going to let your mum see that baby? Because if she does and she's the type to comment she's going to comment anyway.

Traditionally big was good when it comes to babies (well provided they and mum survived the birth). It was associated with being health and more likely to survive.

I don't understand how she thinks a 7lb-er is "huge"? It's perfectly average, is she confused about weights?

In my family having a big baby is celebrated - my dsis had a 12lb baby (had to have an emergency Caesarian) and we still talk about it 25 years later! He's gone down in family lore 😂

If your dm is that obsessed I wouldn't put it past her to sneak the baby off to weigh it! I'm not sure you can hide how much the baby weighs as it'll be stressful to you - much better that you practice completely ignore your ridiculous mother. Maybe practice an eye roll and "oh, this again dm - why do you think you're so completely obsessed with baby's weights? It's so boring" etc. Put it back on her.

The only people who asked were my parents and PIL. Unless really big or small I don't think anyone cares.

OP's mum is weird though

Your mum’s a bit odd isn’t she!

My two were 9lbs 3oz and 8lb 13 oz. Two healthy babies that are now 6 footers.

YANBU and your mum is being very odd. So much so that I doubt you will be able to persuade her differently so I would just ignore it and try not to engage. Were you or a sibling very small? Perhaps she is trying to normalise an experience which was traumatic for her? (Whatever the reason, you don't have to understand or fix it.)

You don't have to announce the weight - TBH I don't think anybody (except your mum perhaps!) will ask or even notice. People are much more interested in what name you chose, whether it's a boy or girl, and seeing cute pictures! As well as of course a general interest/hope that the baby is healthy.

Have you looked at the "Almond mom" thing? That's a sort of internet therapy-esque discourse which has sprung up around mothers in the 90s who were so obsessively into diet culture that it was unhealthy and how it rubbed off on their teenage daughters. You are not the only one dealing with this - it might be helpful to see what other people are saying about it. I think KC Davis recently did a two-part podcast about it which might be helpful.

Ive felt the opposite to be honest. Mine were 6lbs 1oz and 6lbs 3oz. Both full term and very healthy pregnancies. Went home the same day with both but some people have loved to focus on how tiny they were and why were they so tiny etc xx

Agreed!!

Your mum sounds mad. That's a perfectly normal weight. Obviously very small babies are a cause for concern but not anything that's in the normal range. It's her issue and you need to nip it in the bud right now.

That was my first thought. I was a child of the 60s and all the mums smoked, pregnant or not, and many had low birth-weight babies because of it.

My son was 7lbs 8 oz and was certainly not huge (mother in bed on other side of ward had a baby weighing 10lbs and a difficult and long labour - she was exhausted) so I think your mum is a bit weird and also woefully uninformed about healthy birth weights.

That is super weird (your mum, not you!). I've honestly never heard of such a thing in my life. And the thing is, a 7lb 3oz baby is still tiny!

Blimey. 7lb3 is on the small side. My DD was 7lb 7 and she was so teeny.

Just ask her what she thinks the ideal weight for a baby is and then when they're born tell her that's what they are

My DM was like that. I weighed 4lbs when I was born . (Made up for it since.)My DD weighed 8lbs . I wouldn’t have shouted about that if I was her it’s due to her 20 a day habit.

Honestly, I hadn't given any thought about how not sharing was actually going to work. I'd hoped just sharing the baby's name and a photo as a birth announcement would be enough and most people wouldn't feel the need to follow up. None of the Mums from my baby yoga Whatapp group has shared the weight, just a picture of the baby and first name of the baby and no-one asked for more information.

I’ve never understood why people announce a babies weight, other than there’s not really much else you can say about a newborn baby. Yet people not only state their child’s birthweight, they continue to give updates on a child’s weight gain. When does it end?

How is your Jake doing now?
Oh he’s grand! He got weighed last week, he was 12 stone 6 and a half, and 6 foot 2.

OP, unless I have seriously misjudged your mum, she will go on and on about the weight or something else whoever you do or don't tell. Tell anyone you want to tell, and practice rolling your eyes.

People are obsessed with the size of your bump and the weight of your baby. Lord knows why.

You can be super skinny and have a massive belly, you can be very fat and have very little pregnancy belly.. it means nothing, and the baby size will be what it is.

Don't take it personally. It will pass.

Shame it doesn't occur to people that the mum is very worried, because she measures small or measure big, and same when baby is born.

10lb 6, 10lb 8 and 10lb 13.5 here! Tell her about mine 😂

Your mum is being totally unreasonable. Time for a chat with her as to why she is fixated on babies weights

How strange. My eldest was 10lbs 9 and by the time he was eighteen he was 6’4”

My mum has weird fixations too, utterly random. I have learned to let her give voice to them but never, ever respond to or even acknowledge them. She basically talks into air when she expresses them. Makes her look crazy, but then her notions are crazy.

As someone who just had a baby you’re going to seem a bit weird refusing to say if you are asked, it can be hard enough to make mum friends as it is without being “that one who is keeping her babies weight a secret”.

Also, keeping the weight a secret doesn’t hide the weight in real life. You can clearly see the difference between a 6lb baby and a 10lb baby so if your mum is fixated on large babies, she will still see a large baby if there is one.

I’d just ignore this and move past it, she is unreasonable to be so fixated on it but you’re not going to change that so I’d just ignore it.

Yikes mine were 8lbs and I thought that was pretty average.