to not want to announce my baby’s weight

[TeaAndToys]

I know I might be a bit PFB here but I’m feeling like I don’t want to share my baby’s weight when she’s born. My mum is really fixated on babies' weights, and it tends to get uncomfortable when babies weigh over about 6lbs. She’ll bring it up constantly even when it’s unprompted. For example, a school friend of mine recently had a baby who weighed 7lb 3oz and my mum has mentioned how "huge" he is at least four times, despite me pointing out that he’s perfectly average. It drives me mad, especially since my mum has only seen the Mum once in the last 20 years and is probably never going to meet the baby! But she keeps focusing on it. I can’t quite put my finger on exactly why, but the comments always come off as a negative or judgmental, like it’s somehow a bad thing if babies aren’t tiny. So with my baby I’m seriously considering not telling anyone her weight at all to avoid those kinds of comments. Has anyone else felt the same or done something similar?

My baby was about the size of your friends op and that was only the 25th percentile. Your mom's #s are out of date.

My mum is like this OP, constantly states how huge my DS was at birth. He’s was 8lb, which I think is pretty average tbh. Possibly it’s a generational thing, in her day babies were generally smaller, or everyone she knew had babies that were.
Shut her down everytime she makes a comment with ‘that’s a perfectly normal weight now’.

I agree, height of parents can make a difference. You get long thin babies who weigh more but aren't bigger in terms of tiny baby bmi 😂 I was relieved my first baby was so long and thin, because it meant no shoulders getting stuck.

It also depends if early, or overdue etc.

Yes, I agree - it’s just small talk - like the weather.

This might be the first step in your mum being weird generally about weight and food etc. with your child(ren), so might just be best to reveal it normally if people ask (as previous posters said, no one really cares) and then nip it in the bud with your mum if it arises, e.g., my baby is healthy and their weight doesn't matter.' Repeat and add 'please stop talking about it' as needed. I've had to squash some comments from my parents about food, e.g., "DD doesn't really need any more food, does she?".

I knew before you said it that your mum would be one of the teeny tiny performative under-eaters, the "oh I couldn't eat a WHOLE lettuce leaf" squad.

Agree that she is commenting on the mother rather than the baby - in her (weird) mindset, teeny tiny women should have teeny tiny babies, and anything over the average of about 7lbs is gargantuan and clearly a reflection on the mother, who has been guzzling/hoovering/wolfing food her entire pregnancy, rather than vastly restricting calories to the detriment of both her health and the baby's.

I mean, it's utterly bonkers and totally disordered but you know that already @TeaAndToys . I would tell her why you're not telling her and why - sorry Mum, but you are so obsessed with making value judgements on a woman based on the weight of the baby that I don't want to tell you.

Just tell her you’re not very good with weights and make up a different one each time…
27 kilos I think?
Was it… 230 pounds?
I think they said she was 4,653 grammes?
7,454 ounces maybe?
475 grockles and 4/8 of a parson’s daughter?
Or just say she was on the 56th centile which in itself always baffles people.

Probably a bit mean but if I were you I'd tell her your baby weighed 9lbs 12 and then laugh at her as she ran around doing her nut about it.

I too think of an 8lb baby as an average. {UK}
Might be different in Nordic Countries where there are Blonde giants or some Far Eastern Countries where people are much more finely built.

I think you should nip this in the bud and tell her beforehand you don't need comments on the weight. It's hard to not announce the weight, you will be asked repeatedly. I felt like you before having my baby but actually didn't mind telling people once she was born. You could give the weight in kgs coz people tend not to know what's big or small in kgs and they get weighed in kgs anyway (or at least they do where I'm from)

Urgh, it's one of MANY constant questions that you'll get asked which i absolutely hate 🙄
How much did they weigh
How many weeks were you
Did you have a C-section
Are you breast feeding
Do they sleep through the night yet
Do they cry a lot
Are you planning to have any more
It wouldn't be so bad if when asked, they were just making general conversation but it ALWAYS seems to come with unsolicited advice!
Lay off the questions people!!!!

My MIL is like this, really fixated on baby weights and having ‘small’ babies, always makes a point that her babies were all 5 or 6lbs, the smaller the better. It’s so weird.

i get it. My mums is totally obsessed with weights too and it made me really paranoid with dd1 who was 8lb11 born. She would just keep going on about how massive she was and used to get the baby weight charts out from me and my siblings so she could evidence just how unusually large dd1 was. Tried to convince me she may have Prader Willi syndrome and generally just stressed me out as a young mum.

dd2 was more of what my mum would consider to be a normal size and so she didn’t do it. Just tried to convince me that she was below average intelligence and the latest talker in the whole family (the kids could put a 3 word sentence together at 13 months!). She’s an odd woman my mum.

anyway. Dd1 is fine and as soon as she got crawling at 8 months she was no longer particularly big for her age. She just took after DHs side of the family who were all big chunky babies. In fact, she was quite small for his side of the family, just big for ours. She’s 20 now and tall and slim but I’ve never really completely forgiven my mum for causing me so much stress over it. Not what I needed as a first time 19 year old mum.

so yeah. If your mums like mine then just don’t tell her!

Scruples... That's a good weight to use. A Scruple is 20 grains

15 grains to a gramme {approx}

I wouldn’t think this about other people but I than relate to that - if you’re a bit self conscious of your weight anyway, having to announce your baby’s weight does feel like people will see it as a reflection on yourself.

FWIW, I think it’s a generational thing to be obsessed with weight. None of my friends really asked what my babies weighed, but parent-aged people did all the time. I’d also see 6lb as tiny and possibly worrisome, I thought people generally wanted a more robust baby (or I did) because rightly or wrongly that seems healthy. I also think slightly older people in my experience are more diet obsessed when it comes to weddings etc.

I do that and she'll just say "yes, yes" or something equally noncommittal and then bring up it up again another day! I don't think she's ever directly replied if we're on WhatsApp and I've said that's actually smaller than average for a baby weight. I haven't gotten blunter because I don't think she's ever going to change this attitude. It's not even outdated data, it's just something fixed in her head so I doubt showing her a centile chart would change her mind.. She's so stubborn that's she's not going to have a moment of introspection if I do challenge her more directly.

I think what people are missing is that the mum isn't criticising the BABY or saying that they are going to grow up into a behemoth or be hugely overweight. The mum is criticising the MOTHER of the baby which is 7lbs or more, because everyone knows that teeny tiny women with their eating disorders have teeny tiny babies and that it is only those women lacking self-discipline and control who have larger babies.

I'm sorry to hear you had an eating disorder, OP, but growing up around those attitudes I'm not surprised. I think you need to nip it in the bud now before she gets a chance to push her teenytiny = good attitude onto the next generation. Not easy though.

I voted YABU purely because I think being ashamed of your baby’s weight is letting her win.

I would be proudly announcing the weight whether it’s 5lbs or 10lbs.

The baby’s weight is no reflection on you as a pregnant women or mother and you should absolutely not feel shame or guilt over it.

Her issues are her issues.
Don’t let her make them your issues.

If my mom was like this I'd be telling her the baby weighed 10lb, even if it didn't and would then be asking her why she's so wierd/concerned over babies weighing more. What an odd thing...all my babies have been heavier than 8lb...they just looked like normal babies

Probably from an era when lots more women smoked, including during pregnancy, which is obviously linked to small babies.

Does she not know that 8lb babies are associated with healthier placentas?

How's this going to work @TeaAndToys . People are going to ask, and you're going to have to say "I'm not sharing that information", and people will say OK but privately think you're a bit weird. Or you can tell them that you're not telling anyone because of your Mum, and then you'll end up having multiple conversations with people about your mother's issues.

Far better to just deal with the source. "Mum, I don't want to hear your comments on the size of the baby, because quite frankly you're really bloody weird about it, and I don't want to deal with your issues."

I had a similar issue with my Mum. She'd always make comments about people's weight, I think because she had a sister who was absolutely tiny and it made her feel insecure about her own size. One day in my 20s I told her I never wanted to have another conversation about her, mine or anyone else's weight and that any time she brought it up I'd leave the conversation. She got the huff for a few days and then got over it. It took her a few months to actually stop doing it, and I'd leave the room or hang up the phone every single time. She got the message after that though.

Personally I would get T shirts printed with baby's name and weight on for all the family. Except your dm. Tell her you know how ridiculous she is about weight so you didn't get her one. Honestly op quash this shit down now.

Can you send her a screenshot of a WHO growth chart, in a 'oh look i just found out the average weight of a newborn girl is 7 7 (or whatever), id expected it to be much higher after your reaction to Sarah's baby

I wish somebody had told me to get at least 2 or 3, 0-1m baby sleepsuits with my first. Dm told me to get all 0-3m because they would last longer, and being 2 weeks overdue baby would be really big etc. Baby was 8 pound, narrow, small head and all legs, the baby grows and hat swamped dc, and looked ridiculous. I had to send dh out to get acouple of 0-1m.

Yeah I get this I had the same when I had my little boy he weighed 9lb 5oz just remember when they are born that is the smallest they will ever be