Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking guests to travel for a no party wedding?

263 replies

inspector80 · 16/02/2025 00:07

I do wonder if exposing whether I am the guest or bride will change the responses so... I won't just yet.

Asking guests to travel to a wedding, and realistically stay overnight for a no-party wedding, too much?

The wedding is a registry office ceremony, roughly an hours travel time, then ceremony, more travel time of say 20/30 minutes to venue, then very basic reception. A meal and socialising? No entertainment or dj etc after dinner so therefore no dancing.

Should the couple have just had s small family only wedding because of this or guests shouldn't judge what the couple choose to do for their wedding?

OP posts:
SuziQuinto · 16/02/2025 08:46

Pipsquiggle · 16/02/2025 08:44

I think as long as the bride and groom are clear on what the plan is then people can decide whether to go or not.

TBH, it sounds nice and low key. I would love to attend this sort of thing.

I am guessing if all the guests are ravers they might be underwhelmed but then they can make a choice to attend or not.

They're going to celebrate the wedding of friends.
Then go on to a nightclub or something later if they want to.

saraclara · 16/02/2025 08:47

DappledThings · 16/02/2025 08:26

I agree. I'd be baffled by an invitation like that. It isn't a long way, lots of weddings are hours away so it makes no sense. I'd worry it meant they were inviting me out of politeness but actually trying to put me off coming.

Show quote history

That's exactly how I'd read it. 'they don't actually want me to come so they're giving me an excuse'.

Sherararara · 16/02/2025 08:48

We didn’t have a Dj or dancing at our wedding just a nice meal and socialising in a lovely cosy venue. Was great for all. Invite said wedding followed by reception, because that’s what it was.

DilemmaDelilah · 16/02/2025 08:49

We had a small wedding with about 40 family members as guests. We had a 12:00 wedding and then a buffet meal (hot and cold) I catered myself with mingling and socialising, but no party, no dancing, no extras. We had family come from as much as 6 hours away. We invited them all but didn't expect them all to attend. Most of them did which was lovely. It WAS just family, from both sides, so it was an opportunity for them to meet each other and to catch up with members of their own family they hadn't met for a while.

I think it you make it quite clear what the day entails, and don't mind if some people can't make it, it should be fine. At least you will know that the people attending are those that really want to see you get married - not just there for the party.

LostMyLanyard · 16/02/2025 08:51

That would be my ideal wedding if I'm honest! I dislike the 'DJ/dancing' part and usually leave at this point.

I'd be thrilled to receive this invitation 🤣

Faz469 · 16/02/2025 08:55

Sounds like my wedding...
Are you one of my guests? 🤣 we are getting married at a registry office then have a venue booked for the evening which is a meal and socialisation. We have a small baby so don't want any loud music. I wouldn't be offended if any of my guests didn't want to attend due to a lack of DJ as I'm doing what's best for my family.

andfinallyhereweare · 16/02/2025 08:56

I’ve gone to all sorts of weddings and it’s not the party that draws me there it’s seeing people I love get married.

MitchellMummy · 16/02/2025 08:57

Sounds fine - as long as everyone knows what the plan is. An hour away is a drive home if one person doesn't drink. Sometimes DJ can be too loud so background music enabling people to chat can be a better option. When I go out to anything it's always good to know what the food is (not specifics but is it a buffet or three course meal).

borntobequiet · 16/02/2025 08:57

I’d go to that wedding. I avoid weddings with music, dancing and the inevitable pointless drunken conversations that you can barely hear because of the hideous too-loud music. Especially if it’s a swing band.

RollerSkateLikePeggy · 16/02/2025 08:57

My ideal wedding too! I'm always bored by the middle of the evening events and want to leave. Actually, I'm normally bored at the beginning, if the whole thing has already gone on since lunchtime!

MustardGlass · 16/02/2025 09:01

It sounds lovely for a small close wedding.

Crazybaby123 · 16/02/2025 09:04

SuziQuinto · 16/02/2025 08:23

I don't know why you'd say that! It sounds too apologetic!
Just a regular invitation, you're invited to a wedding ceremony and meal. Nothing unusual about that, it's just that recently people have gone big and fancy. Not necessarily better.

Show quote history

True, but OP seems worried about her guests and a simple note, maybe worded better than mine, to lay out what the plan is might help. Acrually, ai havr had quite a few invites that set out the wedding day agenda which would also do the same job.

SuziQuinto · 16/02/2025 09:09

Crazybaby123 · 16/02/2025 09:04

True, but OP seems worried about her guests and a simple note, maybe worded better than mine, to lay out what the plan is might help. Acrually, ai havr had quite a few invites that set out the wedding day agenda which would also do the same job.

Show quote history

I think an invitation should be welcoming, not apologetic, nor indicating that it's ok not to come!
I agree that being clear about the event is fine, though, eg Wedding ceremony at 11am Town Hall, lunch 12pm at the Worthington Hotel. (or whatever)
That's clear enough.

SuziQuinto · 16/02/2025 09:11

borntobequiet · 16/02/2025 08:57

I’d go to that wedding. I avoid weddings with music, dancing and the inevitable pointless drunken conversations that you can barely hear because of the hideous too-loud music. Especially if it’s a swing band.

Oh my god, plus those awful burger vans that you have to queue up for to get a small greasy portion of fast food. A sit down meal please!

MouseMama · 16/02/2025 09:15

That sounds perfect to me, no problem at all. Also it’s an invitation not a summons - if they don’t like it they can stay home.

mitogoshigg · 16/02/2025 09:16

Can I also point out that an hour is the distance I'd go to a good restaurant for dinner anyway! If you say travelling to me i think 3 hours plus, more than I'd want to go to and from in a day

Americano75 · 16/02/2025 09:17

Sounds brilliant to me!

CandyCane457 · 16/02/2025 09:18

I don’t really think I’d class an hours drive as “travel” but maybe that’s just me, I know we all have different perceptions. My commute to work daily is 45mins and my parents live an hour away and I go to theirs every couple of weeks for Sunday dinner. So an hours drive away for a wedding seems like very little to me.

And with it only being an hour away and no party, why do you HAVE to stay over? Can’t you stay sober at the mela and just drive? If it’s that much of an issue?

Mnetcurious · 16/02/2025 09:18

The meal/reception is the main celebration. It’s fine to not have music/dancing afterwards.

TriangleLight · 16/02/2025 09:19

But a lot of people (not on mumsnet!) like a drink at a wedding and not everyone has a chauffeur

SuziQuinto · 16/02/2025 09:20

TriangleLight · 16/02/2025 09:19

But a lot of people (not on mumsnet!) like a drink at a wedding and not everyone has a chauffeur

Very true, but it's usually possible to share a taxi or someone will give you a lift.

LoveWine123 · 16/02/2025 09:24

TriangleLight · 16/02/2025 09:19

But a lot of people (not on mumsnet!) like a drink at a wedding and not everyone has a chauffeur

Then they can choose not to go. Sounds like the drink at the wedding is more important to them. I would find this baffling personally but to each their own.

Kitchensinktoday · 16/02/2025 09:27

OneTwinklyPlumBeaker · 16/02/2025 06:14

I think that sounds perfect. I can't see the problem. If the wedding is only an hour away what is the need for an overnight stay?

This! People who wish to drink can stay overnight if they choose, or they can stay sober and drive home. It’s all absolutely fine.

TriangleLight · 16/02/2025 09:27

The @inspector80 asked for opinions, and that’s mine!

But I also like the the party part of the wedding best 🤷🏼‍♀️

burnoutbabe · 16/02/2025 09:28

The 30 mins between 2 venues -is that 30 min drive? Or say walking between 2 London locations?

How would non drivers using trains get between the 2? (I am happy to pay train then taxi to and from venue but trying to get a taxi from one rural place to another maybe tricky)

But that applies to all weddings really.