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Original poster

Wedding lunacy

203 replies

TheAmusedQuail · 15/02/2025 19:14

I just don't get throwing money at weddings. Marriage is the important bit. Not the getting married.

The dress, the suit, diamond rings, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, pageboys, button holes, bouquet, wedding reception, tablescapes (WTAF), favours, DJ, stag, hen, hair, makeup. Not to mention bridezillas and almost completely detached grooms. It's like a one woman celebration with the man just signing on the dotted line.

I've seen so many weddings where a fortune was spent and 4, 5, 6 years later the couple are either unhappily married or have split up.

WHY as a culture do we participate in this craziness?

OP posts:
Nothitrockbottomyet · 15/02/2025 19:16

Agree with you OP.

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 15/02/2025 19:18

People spend money on all sorts of stuff that makes them happy, each unto their own.

JudgeBread · 15/02/2025 19:18

Hey I don't get it either, I got married in a field in a £15 dress from a charity shop and had a BBQ. But if people want to do it, let them have at it. My imminently future SIL and BIL are about to have the whole shebang. Meringue dress, cake that costs more than my car, ludicrously expensive venue, stupid little bags of shiny almonds for some fucking reason. Do I think it's stupid? Yes. Am I going to yuck their yum anywhere but an anonymous forum? Nope. If it's what they want and what will make them happy, I will be there eating my shiny almonds and celebrating their relationship with them however they choose to celebrate it.

Silvertulips · 15/02/2025 19:20

But it doesn’t make them happy - it makes them broke!

They invite people they never see, fall out with friends, but have a decent photograph for the vast canvas on the wall! Or Instagram.

CatamaranViper · 15/02/2025 19:21

Because we wanted a big celebration. DH was just as involved in the planning as I was, DS was also heavily involved. In fact, DS and DH were responsible for all the food, deserts and cake. We had a big celebration with as many people as we could fit in the venue, including kids.
In my mind, the money was well spent.

Tbf, you could use your argument against almost anything OP. Why do people spend so much on holidays? On fancy cars or designer clothes?

No one (I don't think) goes into a marriage thinking they will be miserable or end up divorced.

whosaidtha · 15/02/2025 19:22

I loved my wedding day. We spent about 10K. Wish we could have spent more!! Was amazing and a treasured memory!

Original poster
TheAmusedQuail · 15/02/2025 19:23

The biggest wedding I ever went to, they were split up a year later.

It must have cost upwards of 50K. And she was just a teacher and he was in the military. All gone up in smoke. They might as well have burned the money.

OP posts:
Nessastats · 15/02/2025 19:25

TheAmusedQuail · 15/02/2025 19:14

I just don't get throwing money at weddings. Marriage is the important bit. Not the getting married.

The dress, the suit, diamond rings, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, pageboys, button holes, bouquet, wedding reception, tablescapes (WTAF), favours, DJ, stag, hen, hair, makeup. Not to mention bridezillas and almost completely detached grooms. It's like a one woman celebration with the man just signing on the dotted line.

I've seen so many weddings where a fortune was spent and 4, 5, 6 years later the couple are either unhappily married or have split up.

WHY as a culture do we participate in this craziness?

Because some people want a proper wedding with all the trimmings and not just 2 witnesses and a registry office.

MaggieBsBoat · 15/02/2025 19:25

Yes I judge massively. I remember not being able to attend a friend‘s wedding as I was away abroad studying and just couldn’t. She was pissed but she had invited 400 people! It would’ve made no difference to have me there. Her wedding photos were just crowds of people she barely knew.
She’d spent 20k just on the groom getting his teeth done.
Divorced less than 10 years later because he was shagging dudes on the side. A joke.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 15/02/2025 19:26

People do it because they want to. Yes, lots of marriages end in divorce, however cheap or expensive the wedding.

Marriage is the important bit. Not the getting married.

This is a false dichotomy. It's perfectly possible for the marriage to be the main thing and for the wedding to also be very important to the couple. People can spend their money on whatever they like. Some people spend huge amounts of money every year on expensive holidays. At least with a wedding, all your friends and family get to enjoy it with you!

Unredchat · 15/02/2025 19:26

A colleague has just got engaged, he was unhappy at spending the weekend looking at wedding venues. He did arrange a v romantic proposal but said "I've done my bit now"

Glorybox2025 · 15/02/2025 19:28

I don't understand why people spend a house deposit on weddings. But hosting a party for a lot of people isn't cheap even if you do it on the cheap. Our wedding cost £4k and it was in a park and my dress was from Ali express! If you want a venue you're looking at spending £2-4k plus all the extras, be lucky to come in under £10k and that's out of reach for most people.

MumChp · 15/02/2025 19:29

Many of us don't participate in this wedding culture. Few of us get the same attention as the big wedding arrangements.

ThejoyofNC · 15/02/2025 19:30

I think there's nothing wrong with having a big lavish wedding. The problem arrives when they expect to do it at everyone else's expense by not buying bridesmaid dresses etc.

I do however, hate destination weddings. Unless you're paying for all your guests (I know a couple who did this, it was ££££).

JudgeBread · 15/02/2025 19:30

TheAmusedQuail · 15/02/2025 19:23

The biggest wedding I ever went to, they were split up a year later.

It must have cost upwards of 50K. And she was just a teacher and he was in the military. All gone up in smoke. They might as well have burned the money.

And my cousin got married on a sea fort and got flown in by helicopter. The champagne alone literally cost thousands. An actual famous person sang for them. The wedding favours cost more than my entire wedding. They've been happily married for twenty years.

Money spent doesn't necessarily have anything at all to do with happiness in the relationship. And I genuinely say this as someone skinflint who had to make their own wedding cake, and I can't bake. How people spend their money is their business and their business alone, even if they can't actually afford it.

Martymcfly24 · 15/02/2025 19:35

I judge people who look down on people for wanting to celebrate a big occasion the way they want to.

Fuck it life can be shitty, any opportunity for a party with your nearest and dearest (that's not a wake)is good

If you are not paying for it, it's none of your business

EnterFunnyNameHere · 15/02/2025 19:35

I think it's daft when people have a wedding they don't want to appease others/meet expectations that don't exist. But as for why some people want a big expensive wedding, why does anyone want anything? Why have a big house when you can squeeze into a small one? Why have holidays abroad not at home? Presumably because they want to!

Pippa12 · 15/02/2025 19:35

I don’t know why folk have such strong opinions on other people’s weddings, if it doesn’t affect you directly what difference does it make to you? I love a good wedding, if it doesn’t work out 12 months later, what a shame, but nothing to do with me!

fetchacloth · 15/02/2025 19:36

I agree OP but we all have different priorities I suppose.

My own wedding was a very simple affair - registry office with two witnesses off the street and we went to the pub afterwards. It was what we both wanted and we spent the money on a house deposit and furniture instead.

Brickiscool · 15/02/2025 19:37

Nessastats · 15/02/2025 19:25

Because some people want a proper wedding with all the trimmings and not just 2 witnesses and a registry office.

Show quote history

I had a "proper' wedding. All my friends and family . And it was important to me that we paid for everything so we funded the bar and all the food and had as many friends as possible sleep at our house so they didn't incur accommodation costs. However it didnt include a stately home type venue and a ridiculous dress or favours on or djs or any of the extras. It's quite possible to do something between a register office with 2 witnesses or a £50k blowout. Ours cost a couple of thousand max for 60 people

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 15/02/2025 19:38

Went to a lovely wedding in a church hall. No gifts, but you brought food or drink from a list that created the wedding meal. Was brilliant.

CatamaranViper · 15/02/2025 19:42

Martymcfly24 · 15/02/2025 19:35

I judge people who look down on people for wanting to celebrate a big occasion the way they want to.

Fuck it life can be shitty, any opportunity for a party with your nearest and dearest (that's not a wake)is good

If you are not paying for it, it's none of your business

All of this.

Also wedding celebrations have a bloody long history, it's not a new thing.

CasuirDubh · 15/02/2025 19:42

TheAmusedQuail · 15/02/2025 19:23

The biggest wedding I ever went to, they were split up a year later.

It must have cost upwards of 50K. And she was just a teacher and he was in the military. All gone up in smoke. They might as well have burned the money.

This might be the case in Britain, but in other countries guests give generous presents so the couple will at least break even.

That being said I had a small wedding myself, but I don't judge those who have big celebrations.

toastofthetown · 15/02/2025 19:42

Because people want to. As long as they can afford it, then it doesn't matter that other people would prioritise spending money differently. And the option of getting married for under £100 exists for people who don't want a big wedding. I have no interest in cars or handbags for example but I don't think it's lunacy that other people do. I had a fairly big wedding and loved celebrating our marriage in room full of our family and friends. We could afford the day, and those memories were worth the cost of the day for us.

Marriage is the important bit. Not the getting married.
These aren't mutually exclusive. Placing importance on your wedding day, and wanting something other than getting married with two witnesses in clothes you already own doesn't mean you value the marriage less than people who choose that option. Marriages of all types end in divorce and succeed. To counter your anecdote with another, the most expensive wedding I ever went to (which was three days long, fully catered and an open bar throughout in a beautiful stately home) they are still very happily married ten years later.

ExpressCheckout · 15/02/2025 19:46

I know of one couple who had a very big, expensive wedding, high-profile guests, etc., and then they upped sticks and moved to California. And they are still unhappy.