Wedding lunacy

[TheAmusedQuail]

I just don't get throwing money at weddings. Marriage is the important bit. Not the getting married.

The dress, the suit, diamond rings, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, pageboys, button holes, bouquet, wedding reception, tablescapes (WTAF), favours, DJ, stag, hen, hair, makeup. Not to mention bridezillas and almost completely detached grooms. It's like a one woman celebration with the man just signing on the dotted line.

I've seen so many weddings where a fortune was spent and 4, 5, 6 years later the couple are either unhappily married or have split up.

WHY as a culture do we participate in this craziness?

I've seen so many weddings where a fortune was spent and 4, 5, 6 years later the couple are either unhappily married or have split up.

I've seen plenty where they've spent a fortune and are happily married decades later. What's your point?

Well they do say the more expensive the marriage, the shorter it lasts...

Some people value the memories and symbols more than material goods for everyday life. I fall in that category.

I have 0 regrets about getting a very special wedding dress, beautiful flowers, a professional photographer and some quality goodies for our guests. We paid for everything and the end cost was somewhere around 5K but we worked hard to do as much as possible ourselves.
There is nothing I would rather have doesn't that money on. In fact I wish I'd splashed out a bit more and wasn't so "sensible ".

Well they do say the more expensive the marriage, the shorter it lasts...

They are rarely correct with anything they say.

Each to their own 🤷🏻‍♀️ I bloody love a good wedding and if that’s what a couple want to do then crack on 🤷🏻‍♀️
Personally, I wouldn’t spend that kind of money on one day. I also don’t like being the centre of attention and have a very complicated family so can’t think of anything worse for myself than a big wedding 😂 DH and I had 12 people (including us and DS) in the local registry office and paid for a nice dinner afterwards. We probably spent around £1500 which is more than we planned but we decided last minute to get a professional photographer so that bumped the price up a bit 😊

Whilst I agree with you OP I've also had a wedding in the last 10 years and it was very difficult to keep costs down. As soon as the M word was mentioned costs of everything went up! We tried saying party etc and I will never forget a car place saying to me I'm sure daddy will pay....it was £800 for a car for 2 hours!!!

In the end we did it reasonably cheaply for 6.5k for 120 guests but we did a lot ourselves including plates and cutlery and DH and I spent hours folding napkins! My friend 3 months later spent 30k on hers (this was 10 years ago).

Ours was not expensive. A very good meal at a good restaurant for family and friends (30 in total). Drinks and cake at home later with family. Wedding dress 25 £ on Vinted.

Who's "they"?

I worked in the wedding industry for around 10 years and have never heard of this.

Loved my wedding. Cost us a fortune but it was a rare occasion to bring a lot of our families together. It was particularly special for me as family travelled from Australia, Canada, Europe and the US to spend time with us. It was lovely to see the little cousins from across the world all play together.

I treasure the memory of my brother walking me down the aisle and having my hair and make up done along with my darling sister in law. Neither are with us now.

Despite the torrential rain it was a wonderful day you couldn't put a price on.

I agree with you.

My niece got engaged at Christmas. The wedding is in the autumn of 2026. It’s already ramping up to be the sole focus of every conversation. I’m bored already. The wedding is going to be somewhere 6000 miles away. I’m dreading telling her we won’t be going.

Like others have said, it's all priorities isn't it. I have seen some weddings in my circle of acquaintance over the years that I have (silently) judged as extravagant, a waste of money, even crass/overly slowly. But then again I sometimes find myself astounded by what other people spend on cars, holidays, clothes, handbags, even houses or house renovations (ripping out perfectly good but not fashionable kitchens/bathrooms etc). And still again I myself spaff what to many people would be horrifying sums of money on a weekly basis on keeping my two horses.

What I'm saying is I think there are worse ways to spend money, yes it's just one day but to very many people a very important day. Some people have big families and wide circles of friends and I don't think it's a moral failing to want to offer them good hospitality - yes of course it's possible to get married very cheaply if you have very few guests and don't bother with many trimmings but I don't think it's easy at all to provide 100+ guests with somewhere to sit, feed and water them on the cheap (and we've all been on the MN threads moaning about not enough food at a wedding and so on). Even if you go with a very cheap venue and a buffet plus self-serve alcohol you'll be spending thousands, and if you're going to be the centre of attention and have pictures of this moment in your house forever you don't blame people for wanting new/traditional smart clothes and to look/feel their best, that adds a lot more...like I say no judgement, I had a very cheap registry office do eons ago and have no regrets but if others want to do different then why shouldn't they?

It’s the same reason most people do anything - peer pressure.

It's something I've always heard people in general say. No idea where it originally came from!

And I've moved all over the UK and heard if in different areas too!

Some of the stuff like ridiculous week-long overseas hen and stag dos etc are self-indulgent as they involve asking other people to commit a lot of their own time and money beyond attending the wedding itself. But when it comes to the wedding itself people can spend their money how they like so if they can afford it then crack on!

You could say similar about just about everything - I personally wouldn't want to spend £££ every year on owning and looking after pets, getting my nails done, having the latest iPhone, Sky Sports subscriptions, etc etc, but those things give pleasure to other people, so they can do as they like. And likewise there is all sorts of stuff I enjoy spending my money on that other people would think is a waste. Big whoop 🤷‍♀️

I love a good wedding! Ours was about 10k in all for 100 people but we were very lucky with not having to pay huge venue and corkage costs etc. I have such happy memories and for me the most important bit was the church service.

A wedding is a public declaration of commitment and therefore if you want to do this in front of everyone important in your life then it is going to cost a bit of money however frugal you are.

I personally think very long engagements, destination weddings and huge bridal parties are a bit ott but each to their own! Everyone has their own limits.

We married 2 yrs ago after being together 16 ys. It cost less than £500. Registry office, dress, suit,rings. 2 witnesses(family) . Honeymoon cost a lot more tho!!

Two witnesses and a Register Office is a proper wedding.

I couldn't care less what people spend or how they celebrate their weddings. I do however object to the presumption that I must willingly join in and spend a fortune of my own to do so!

So like the grinch (or true to myself person) that I am, I decline all wedding invitations more or less immediately. (apart from immediate family). I will always send a generous present though in lieu of gracing them with my presence! Thus saving myself a lot of money in the long run and a lot of boring grief too. But it's not about me and I doubt anyone would miss me anyway, although it's nice to be asked and the invite is appreciated. However, a summons it ain't.

So people, have the wedding of your dreams, or the tiniest and most inexpensive wedding on the planet. If you are not one of my immediate family I won't be there. Wishing you every happiness though!

The cost of our wedding is already adding up even without including gimmicks given DP comes from a large family so catering bill will be huge. We are also hiring a band and photographer. It's important to us that we don't scrimp on food/booze and entertainment.

But I would never go into debt for a wedding, we have saved hard for this.

To add another perspective, I have observed many guests becoming quite demanding as well.
I've heard people judge and compare to other weddings, I've heard guests complain about the demands on their time, or the food's not to their taste etc and others who have complained about not being invited etc.

I agree that it should be about the marriage not the wedding, but sadly often the friends and family are just as wedding focused.

These days it actually is quite hard to do a small, lesser and wedding without receiving the wrath or judgement of others. I had a very small wedding and I was really sad some of my closest friends and family weren't there but that was what we decided to do. Some of them made clear they were not happy and to be honest it has spoiled my memories a little as I didn't feel the marriage was supported, it was all about the wedding and whether they were invited. So it does work both ways.

I ended up having a big wedding because my dad was dying and asked could we invite his family for a party essentially!! Yes cost wise I slightly regret it but I don’t regret it really!! And I doubt you’ll find a correlation between unhappiness in marriage and the type of wedding they had, anyone’s marriage can hit the rocks!

I don’t get why or how some people become so invested in how other people spend their own money? It doesn’t affect you. You may well disagree with it, so be it. Don’t do it yourself. They aren’t hurting anyone.

Um... Good for you?

The amount of people who spent a fortune (or their families did) that I know who were split up within 5 years is scary. The ones who are still together? Almost uniformly, they had smaller weddings or less fancy dos.

You are not being unreasonable. We have just got married. 60 guests. Registry office and then free venue hire at a bar/restaurant as it is February. Food and a welcome drink was £1400. Clothes, flowers, the registry office ceremony and extras were £600 (a lot of which I'll get back when I resell on vinted having also bought second hand). We had a great day.