Wedding lunacy

[TheAmusedQuail]

I just don't get throwing money at weddings. Marriage is the important bit. Not the getting married.

The dress, the suit, diamond rings, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, pageboys, button holes, bouquet, wedding reception, tablescapes (WTAF), favours, DJ, stag, hen, hair, makeup. Not to mention bridezillas and almost completely detached grooms. It's like a one woman celebration with the man just signing on the dotted line.

I've seen so many weddings where a fortune was spent and 4, 5, 6 years later the couple are either unhappily married or have split up.

WHY as a culture do we participate in this craziness?

Perhaps for some they feel like they have watched everyone else have a huge celebration of their milestone and they want have that too. Some people might have a lot of pressure from family to keep up with everyone else.

100% agree with you, OP

When I read your first sentence I thought you were talking about a "Scramble". When a bride was leaving her (parents') home to go to the church to get married her father would chuck handfuls of coins out of the car windows and local children picked them up. Great way to supplement your pocket money!

Because we did exactly what we wanted. Had the most incredible day and would do it again in a heartbeat!!

It's only an issue if it's done for bragging on social media, like my gid daughter did. She got married last year. Huge facy do, expensive dress, a real bridezilla. They split four months later.... My friend, who paid, is unimpressed as the couple knew they had serious issues beforehand & were on shaky ground already.

Oh great. Another "I'm better than you because I recycled an old curtain into a wedding dress, and went to the local chippy after" thread. It's been a wet week since we had one of those!

FWIW we are having a "big" wedding, wanted much more by my fiancé than by me. We already have our children (I'll probably get banned off mumsnet for having a big wedding when we already have children - the horror!!!). But it's not always the "bridezilla" wanting the bigger style wedding.

The beauty of life is that we all enjoy different things and have different tastes. Go get married with just your other half and 2 witnesses, have a 50 person wedding, have a 500 person wedding. You do you hun, and don't be worrying what other couples choose to spend their money on.

I love weddings. Being in my 30s, it's mostly friends who are getting married and I find it's one of the few opportunities to catch up with lots of old friends at the same time. As long as there's enough food and drink I'm happy.

Only on MN.

I got married in my church and had my reception in the church hall. We had 56 people and I still spent £8k. Hall and church cheap but the main cost was food. That was £5k as it has vat on it. We bought our wine from majestic as caterers wine started at £20 a bottle and ours was £6.99!

Laughs in Indian....That's fair that you prefer intimate weddings OP. I'll keep our bright, colourful extravagant affairs but that's the beauty of life, we get to choose how we spend our time and money

We spent about 20k a good few years ago (before covid). It was a great day but I wish we spent less, it’s so much to spend on one day. We could have spent half and used the rest to go on a few holidays.

We had a great time though and it was before we had DC so had a lot more disposable income. I don’t regret it but looking back it was a lot to spend.

As long as its within the persons means, they can spend their money on what they like. Its not something that people should feel entitled to have, or worth going into debt for.

I do think the industry making people think that you need the latest thing and the mark-up on all things wedding things is appauling, especially the dresses. At least spending 2K on decent suit is better as it can be worn again.

Didn’t do the whole thing. Spent minimal. Focused on the marriage. Divorce looming. Wish I had a couple of expensive rings to sell.

"just a teacher" ....nice

I'm tired of people running down the nice celebrations in life, like weddings and Valentine's Day. I guess the only events we should mark are our funerals, then.

Life is short and hard and many people end it in serious illness. Can we please just be positive about something as lovely as a wedding?

Everyone seems to hate weddings so much that I'd almost feel bad about inviting people to one if I ever got married again.

I think it's highly mean and negative to be like this about a friend or family member's wedding. If you care about them so little that you can't be happy about their celebration, just don't go.

I agree. The whole wedding industry is an example of how things have got out of hand. But it's the same with kids birthday parties, prom dresses, even Christmas. Then people come on here moaning a) that their lazy husband is a bastard and b) that they can't afford anything anymore due to CoL! A friend of mine is still renting in her late 30ies, yet getting married this year in a destination wedding with all the trimmings. It just doesn't make sense.

I suppose it might make more sense to have a huge reception and a vow renewal once you've actually been married for 10/20/30 years instead of having a big celebration at the start.

YANBU, people have totally forgotten the point of weddings and why you have your friends and family there. In the old c of E order of service the congregation promise to support the couple in their marriage. It's the coming together of two lives and families. Partly why I think it's so sad when weddings don't include kids - they're family too! A couple don't just promise to their spouse that they'll love them, they make that promise to all their friends and family! And that's why you have people there - everything else is just an added extra and unnecessary, and totally optional.

I'm still annoyed that it is only marriage for straight people and not the thing that gay people had before they could legally get married. More of a contract thing. There is not enough money in the world for me to marry someone. I value my freedom and to me, marriage is not worth the divorce that will inevitably come later.

I had a big wedding because I wanted to and could afford it. I wasn't bridezilla, the two things don't have to go together. It was the best day surrounded by all our friends and family, so joyful! No regrets here!

Personally I don’t regret having a big wedding at all! It’s the one time everyone I know came together in one place and it was nice to celebrate with everyone (some of whom have now passed). Such a great memory and experience. I don’t regret any of it but equally I wouldn’t have gone into debt for it.

The thing is you can have a proper traditional wedding without it costing the earth. That’s what people seem to have lost sight of.

I had a humble wedding, it cost 3k. I made my own dress, it was at our local church, the community provided gorgeous local wildflowers, our friends made our cake, we did our own catering.

.....still got divorced a few years later. 🤷‍♀️

A 5k wedding doesn't fit the criteria the OP is referring to. The UK average is around 20k, making a 5k wedding very reasonable.

Oh nnnooo the horror of renting !! Appalling behaviour from her