Wedding lunacy

[TheAmusedQuail]

I just don't get throwing money at weddings. Marriage is the important bit. Not the getting married.

The dress, the suit, diamond rings, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, pageboys, button holes, bouquet, wedding reception, tablescapes (WTAF), favours, DJ, stag, hen, hair, makeup. Not to mention bridezillas and almost completely detached grooms. It's like a one woman celebration with the man just signing on the dotted line.

I've seen so many weddings where a fortune was spent and 4, 5, 6 years later the couple are either unhappily married or have split up.

WHY as a culture do we participate in this craziness?

I love a good party and a nice formal event. It’s not really one day, is it? It’s all the planning, the anticipation etc. if you enjoy doing that as a couple (which we did) then it’s basically year of being excited to have a big party with all your friends and family. Loved our wedding.

Our wedding was absolutely epic. We made sure we, and all our friends and family had the best time.
Spend your money how you please. Life is short!

I agree, I have a friend who spent a fortune on her wedding with money they did not have and is now struggling with money during her maternity leave only a year later. It was their decision yes but they could have kept some of that money and used it now instead 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't change a thing about mine it was grand and everything I wanted, money well spent.
Weddings are huge in my culture and I love them!

I went to a wedding once that lasted 5wks

Weddings are one of the big life-event ceremonies common across human societies of different cultures and throughout history. Weddings have always been a celebration where families, friends and communities come together.

There's nothing wrong in spending what you can comfortably afford on a wedding.
Getting into debt is an issue. Expecting guests to bear costs for superfluous choices is an issue. But sharing a wedding with people you love and providing for them is a normal part of society, brings joy and keeps family and friends together.

There's no correlation between the survival of marriages I've been to and their budgets. I've known Bridezilla marriages fall apart within a couple of years, but the wedding was a symptom of problems of being excessively controlling and poor budgeting, not the root cause. I've also known short-lived marriages following modest weddings which were a symptom of youth, rushing and difficult finances. I've also known marriages thriving after both modest and extravagent weddings.

I had what I would call a very low key wedding and it still cost 35K. I don't regret a bit of it. I paid for the accommodation for the night of the wedding for all guests but I had to do this as the hotel required it. However, I was really pleased I did this!

I'm a 'they'

We do exist even if you'd rather we didn't

I am surprised grooms are even invited 'I demand to be the centre of attention'

I don't get destination weddings at all unless it is to elope or a group genuinely all wants to go to the same place and is all 100% happy with it

Anything legal is a proper wedding.

My wedding day was the best day of my life. It was a white wedding. On the cheaper end but still quite expensive.

I loved it because it reflected me and my husband, it included all the people we love we all had a lot of fun and it was a celebration/declaration of our love .

My wedding cost £4k, still happily married 30 years on. You have to focus on the marriage not the wedding.

I had a big wedding. 100 people in a church and a sit down meal and 50 more in the evening. Kids everywhere. A cheesey disco. Toasts and speeches. Cost a bomb. It was fabulous. I will never regret it. Been married nearly 30 years and still happy as sandboys.

We spent about £10k and then about another £10k on the honeymoon. Loved it from start to finish. Still happily married 17 years later and not a moment's thought to the money. We aren't rich but we saved and had a brilliant day.

It's another example of how 'look at me, look at me' photo ops are the end all be all for many, no matter the cost.

a proper wedding

Then our wedding, me in a £3 Sale frock from Richards (it was that long ago), he in an ill-fitting suit as he never usually wore one so didn't by a new one, a 'reception' in Mum and Dad's front room, honeymoon half a day in York with a steak dinner at the Berni inn wasn't a proper wedding because it wasn't grand and impressive? It was 56 years ago, which must mean something!

My cousin has has had two expensive weddings. Both marriages failed (not his fault, infidelity on his wives' side). I am divorced too, but my wedding came no where near the cost of one of his. I tend to agree with OP, with so many marriages failing, I think people should not go nuts on the wedding part and concentrate on what happens afterwards. Or even before, when deciding the person you are with is your forever partner. I think people get so caught up in the excitement and forget what marriage actually means.

I find it annoying when the brides are still posting wedding photos 7 months on. As if the day wasn’t enough. It needs to go on for months or years. No one is that interested in your wedding months on, they have their own lives to lead…

The options are not...spend a pittance OR spend a fortune. There are a myriad of options in between

Absolutely this.

Plus, if people have the money, it is up to them what they spend it on.
People spend big money on all sorts of things that make me raise my eyebrows, but, ultimately it is a case of each to their own.

Yep, but these types of wedding also almost always require everyone else to splash cash with expensive venues requiring expensive accommodation and expensive hens or stag do’s in foreign parts. Along with rise of not inviting partners or children … these threads are full of most stupid wedding issues caused by the mantra “it’s my day and I’ll do what I want to” without any consideration of impact it has on your guests. A lot of entitlement centred around 1 day.
and no , it didn’t always happen like this

Exactly this. And why is the wedding ALL about the bride? I just can't comprehend. 'It's my day.' Why? Are you marrying yourself?

I've been to a few of these weddings and frankly, the length of the day is a chore.

The ceremony itself is usually lovely.

The party afterwards is OK for a couple of hours but the ONLY wedding I've been to that was genuinely a great party, was a wedding that Mick Jagger and a few other rock starry-type celebs were at. And it must have cost upwards of 500K.

I don't accept invitations to weddings where I'm expected to lay out hundreds for gift and accommodation anymore. Nor will I buy from a wedding registry. If it's family or a close friend, I'll send money. Less close friends, just a card.

I spent £20k on our wedding. Loved it. Memories of an amazing day. No big canvas for the wall. Just a brilliant husband who loves me 😊

29 years on and I've no regrets on us splashing put and I still love the memories. Many no longer with us.

Several low key wedding friends have parted since. Imo it's tosh that one type of wedding stay longer than the others. If the foundations are strong. You remain together no matter the type of wedding. If they are not strong a big wedding stress mat exasperate that abd make it finish within a year what a register job may have taken 2 over.

It's important to acknowledge we all see things differently. For me memories of a wonderful day are If huge importance abd I have no regrets

My wedding cost around £3000. Church ceremony, wedding meal and an evening party with a buffet.
I did everything I could to keep costs down. Dress from eBay £50, handmaid invitations, favours and table decorations.A friend was the dj in the evening and my nephews band played for beer money. My best friend videoed the ceremony and some of the evening.
I wanted to make it a celebration for us, our family and friends.
I have no problem if other people spend a huge amount on their wedding that's their choice.
My only thing is that some of these expensive weddings seem to lack any individuality and personality of the bride and groom.
So many weddings seem to follow a checklist ticking off all the wedding must haves.
I do love going to weddings though.
Can't wait to help dd plan hers😀