To hate that funerals take place weeks after the death?

[Bloodybrambles]

I have the funeral of a parent this week. They had organised every part of their funeral and as their death was expected, there wasn’t no postmortem. However, between the funeral directors, the church and the crematorium, the earliest date we could have was just under a month.

As my parent had been ill for quite a few months, I had to put life on hold just incase that I was needed/having to do a trips back to my home town. Also didn’t feel in the mood to be living life normally with everything going on.

Life in this country continues after death, back to work, kids needs to be parented, trips to the bowling alley etc. Can’t say life is completely back to normal but I’ve made peace with them passing and it’s no longer consuming my thoughts constantly. I know I’ll never be 100% back to normal but I feel like I’ve been happy again this last week or so. I’ve been singing along to the radio again.

What I feel like I’m dreading is the funeral. I feel like it’s picking at a wound that’s started to heal. My parent wanted a very traditional funeral, no expense spared, very somber, no ‘celebration of life’ type affair. DH says what they’ve asked for is completely normal, for people to be sad and mourn for them.

I’m just rambling now, but I wish we could have had this in the first week. I’ve already had to make peace to continue waking up everyday for my family. I don’t want to grieve again, especially in a very public, and ceremonial type affair.

I know I have to put on my big girl pants and go. This isn’t about me. But if I could choose to have a 24 hour bug I’d take it.

Huh?

My family is Jewish and funerals happen super fast, as a sign of respect. Personally, while non religious, I still prefer this as it seems better to say Goodbye and help with the grieving process.

I’m sorry to hear that. I managed to book a funeral for 10 days after a relative died. Maybe I was just lucky, as she had no prior plan, but I phoned our local family-owned undertakers. They recommended the florist next door. It was March, which is pretty quiet for weddings, so the vicar was free. The main details were all organised the day after she died, which is how it should be.

For info, you can actually book the funeral before you have a death certificate, but you must have the certificate before the funeral can take place.

My ex-H had an unattended cremation in 2019. He had originally wanted to donate his body to medical science, but his weight was too low by the time he died, so they wouldn't take him. He was terminally ill, so I was able to check on that for him beforehand. About a week after the cremation, we had a drink for him locally and invited his friends and family. No food as he said it would make it seem too much like a wake and he definitely didn't want that! It went really well and so much less stress than having to attend a funeral. As a result, I went ahead and booked an unattended cremation for myself, so that my adult DC don't have to attend a funeral for me. I had to go to so many funerals growing up that I definitely didn't want that for my DC, and they didn't want it either!

We had to wait 6 weeks after my nephews :(

For info, you can actually book the funeral before you have a death certificate, but you must have the certificate before the funeral can take place.

That depends on where you are. Where DH's Granny lives the funeral directors won't commit to a date until you have a death certificate because the registrars are notorious for taking an age to give an appointment (and often for re-arranging the date once you've made it)