To be dreading the half term because of my daughter's neediness?

[Sacredhandbag]

Tbh not even just the half term, I dread weekends, especially in the winter.

My DD is 7. She is incredibly full on. She talks from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. She never stops talking. Even on the rare occasion there's noone else in the room. You can't even cuddle up and watch a movie with her because she fidgits and talks and asks constantly never ending questions.
She wants attention ALL the time. She demands to be played with, in fact she doesn't even demand she just starts playing a game with me against my will. I'll be doing the washing up or something and she comes in and says, "we're playing catch now" and lobs a ball at me and then is like "mummy! You're supposed to catch it! Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Why aren't you catching it?" Or she'll hand me a doll and tell me I'm the mum and she's the dad and then she'll demand I recite my lines. Doesn't matter if I'm the the middle of something else. If I am sat on the sofa, she will immediately jump on me and demand to be played with.
She also constantly complains. Because home is so tough I try to take her out which is hard when it's so cold and we have a limited budget. I also have an 11yo DS so finding things they both enjoy can be difficult. But when we're out, we will 9/10 come back all of us grumpy and exhausted because she will always find something to complain about and ruin the trip.
And she posseses ZERO patience which means she struggles to learn new things. She can barely read. We try and try to teach her new things to do to entertain her but if she can't get it right first time she throws a huge tantrum and cries and says she can't do anything. She won't keep trying she'll just cry

So AIBU to be at my wit's end with what to do with her this half term? It's not so bad when it's warmer because she plays out with neighbouring kids. But having her home is so hard. She's fun and has a great sense of humour and is incredibly loving but she is SUCH hard work.

Suggestions also welcome.

@MonaLisaDoesntSmile as per my previous post, the GP can’t do anything without the school completing the required paperwork.

You say you explain to DD what she can and can't do etc.
Also explain what you are prepared to do - or not do, Op. Then stick to it. For example don't go back to look at the Barbies and when DD runs and cries for you to join her just say you are cooking or what ever and she is to go back and play by herself until the clock says 4.

Teach DD to lie down in her room and have a quiet no talking rest looking at picture books or with her eyes closed for five minutes - extending to ten. Try this after active outside play and after finishing her homework. Lie down beside her and both rest. In the car play the "Who can make this lolly last the longest, and if you talk you are out!" game.

Patiently teach your daughter crafts like knitting and crochet.
She can be near you but entertained. Buy her wool and suggest she designs vests and rugs for herself and her toys.
You might need her to learn at a craft club but when she learns she will be absorbed.

Have one room, or the veranda or garage where DD can move about under cover. Install a large mirror and a radio/CD player. Encourage her to make up dances and ask her to go there when she is too active in the quiet living rooms.

Does she have play equipment in the garden? Ask/order her to go outside and play (for 15 minutes) if she is too needy. Have an analogue clock on display.

Reward your DD when she is calm and reasonable by playing card games, cooking, reading to her etc. at least a few times each day.

That sounds exhausting. Reading the op I was expecting you to say she is 3 or 4. I would be concerned at this point, especially about the reading. I think I would speak to the school again after half term.

amzn.eu/d/hfozp1P

Definitely this book - accepting no is one chapter

It stands out to me that you say she can "barely read".
At 7 years old, she is presumably in year 2 or 3?
What do school have to say about this specific issue?
If they are adamant that do not see that she has special needs, what is their explanation for this lack of academic progress?

My DD (diagnosed with ADHD and ASD at 7) was a lot like this. Shame about the holiday clubs. Have you done a proper, thorough search for those? Round here as well as the branded ones (Supercamps etc) and school based ones, the local tennis club and cricket club do them, plus one of the cookery teachers and several of the gyms (higher rate for non members usually). You can also look at the "local offer" on your LA website and that might have some leads. What do other parents at school do if they're working?

Maybe there's a BMX Club, scooter, skateboard, football? Get DH asking around too.

Swingball? Trampoline? Basketball hoop? (Get DH to Decathlon...)

I booked 1-1 swimming one holiday and DD learnt all the tumble turns. Local libraries normally have quite a bit on as do National Trust and English Heritage.

DD was also slow to read and I had her doing Reading Eggs and Maths Seeds at that age plus Teach Your Monster to Read (those are all research backed). Toca Boca is also good - the hairdressing, lab and cooking games for instance.

Animal Crossing on the Switch has quite a lot of dialogue.

Wii Fit Just Dance? We got a second hand one on Ebay.

We watched a LOT of long running series on the BBC at this stage: Tracy Beaker and all the spin offs; Operation Ouch; Malory Towers. Stuff with a lot of drama, relationships and shouting...

Regarding the inability to wait, if she is ND she may be more like a 5 year old in terms of skills. My DD is older now but Alexa timers work quite well to take the "heat" out of being told to wait.

Is there a possibility of ADHD?

All i can say is that i'd give anything to go back to my boys being like that.

My youngest is almost 18 and starts full time work with his brother (19) after half term.

This time will pass before a blink of an eye and you'll regret wishing it away.

Can you turn downtime into a game and play "The Silent Game" in the meantime? The winner is the one who can stay silent for the longest.

Girls are notorious for masking ADHD. It’s in their home environments with family they can feel safe to unmask and a lot of the behaviours you describe sound very much like the traits. I’m saying that from experience as my 11 yo DD with ADHD was very similar. She would talk non stop and demand constant attention. She still does to an extent but has learnt to channel it as she’s gotten older and her phone (unfortunately or fortunately I’m still not sure?) provides a distraction speaking to friends, playing games etc.
I remember feeling washed out in holidays. Is your DD difficult to get to bed? Mine is 😩

I can so so relate to this. Especially the great sprawling games with multiple sets of figures and "I just need..." constantly adding bits on until it's covered the room 🤣

@Sacredhandbag my son is younger, only 5 but very full on. Duracell bunny comments galore every time we're out with him or family are over. He watches a short film whilst bouncing and spinning but takes everything in then wants to re enact it scene by scene after.

I assume you've tried most things and there's already been many suggestions so I don't want to repeat. But one thing we've just stumbled on that gives us 10/20 minutes some days - music on headphones for him! He loves listening to classic rock on headphones. He'll sit on the sofa bobbing his head and flipping through a book in his own little world and it's kind of adorable tbh!

@user2848502016 I'm sure that is well meant advice but if you have a DD like mine (or the OP's) it'd probably be easier to just get them to have a full personality transplant.

It's not great to communicate to kids that everything about them is wrong.

Sometimes they're just stuck with a family with lower energy levels.

Don’t assume the school teachers know best, or wait for them to act.

We paid privately for DS to see a Paediatric Neurologist and he was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD. Interestingly, the school completed the questionnaire saying that he was basically fine with everything even though he clearly wasn’t, and had already had a diagnosis of Dyspraxia! The Neurologist didn’t seem remotely surprised by their response either. 😱

I also think you need answers from the school about the lack of progress.

One thing that might be available in a half term is a bit of tutoring. 1-1 could be really helpful. It's quite common these days for there to be a tutoring place on high streets where you can book in for English sessions.

100% this. My now 15 DD was just the same as a child. We called her “the diva”. We moved and she started a new school. The teachers there flagged up they thought she had ADHD. I ignored it “not MY child!”. Seriously i just thought she was a spoilt (my own fault) youngest child. When she started high school (and puberty) wow!!! It was clear she had it. Her high school made the initial steps to refer her and I opened my mind. Her assessment and diagnosis was quick in the grand scale of things. First appointment to medication about 10 months….. her ADHD doctor said she has other ND conditions but the ADHD takes precedence. She also seems to have ODD ASD and a bit of Tourette’s..
Try to flag this up now whilst she’s young. Luckily my daughter is kind of ok now, she won’t take her meds as she wants to be true to herself and doesn’t mask. She’s funny, clever, very adult for her age in some ways etc but no sense of danger or consequences. I watch her like a hawk. She also understands immensely how her ADHD affects her and refers to it as an entity of its own. Your little one may well just be a little diva (in a nice way I mean) but if for one moment you think there could be something else, start looking into helping her. I wish I had listened a few years ago that’s for sure!!!

When I looked at the ADHD questionnaires the school did, the signs were there but more muted. Not unusual especially for girls to be able to put on a show of paying attention. DD's primary thought she had a UTI at one stage. She was going on regular walks to the toilet she could look out of the window...

Have a look at things like gorilla gym, a trampette, pogo ball, skip-its - things she can use independently to get rid of excess energy

Some of these traits are similar to my youngest dc. My older two and husband all already diagnosed with adhd.

Id be pushing for a diagnosis. At 7 not being able to read should be a red flag at school.

readingeggs.com/schools/signup/gaw_d/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAk8G9BhA0EiwAOQxmfiONcaN5iNHrBZOgk8qHZra-9R0-N180BTd2_d5Gt4GDBciew8gcxBoCEyIQAvD_BwE

www.teachyourmonster.org/

They absolutely can. What would happen with children who are homeschooled?

School needs to partake a dialogue with the mum re: masking. I filled in paperwork for a number of students who didn't show anything in school that would be out of norm but all 5 got a diagnosis based on what parents provided.
I would hope professionals these days have a much better understanding of masking (especially in girls) and the fact that ADD/ADHD can present very differently in school at at home.
School need to also be aware of masking as is anyone doing the referral and taking part in the process. The fact the child does not present certain behaviour in school does not mean the diagnosis is not achievable.

There is a lot of crossover with dyslexia in children with ADHD.

Between 25% and 40% (according to studies) of people with one also have the other.

So that's something else you may want to consider with the reading.

Both of mine hated to read but around your DD age they got into comics and will read them avidly.

Actual novels are still a challenge though.

It doesn't have to be school for sure

It could be the instructor of a regular hobby she attends

A holiday club provider

Etc

If school think a 7 year old who can't read isn't a flag I would be moving schools. They're truly clueless.

School say no of course not, she's fine at school. GP says all okay if school say it is.

It's 2025 peeps and there are huge numbers of adult females being diagnosed on a daily basis. They all went through school, possibly had parents who asked questions and all slipped through the net.

Make an appointment at school for a dedicated chat about what you see at home. Get a full fun down of the school day and what goes on there. See a different GP. It doesn't sound like typical 7 year old behaviour so just keep making noise until someone actually listens.

Surely she's the same at playtimes?

What's she like on playdates?

If she's NT then you're going to have to be very firm with No, not now.