Aibu to think OH shouldn’t go on family holiday without us?

[Peachy789]

Long story short his mother has booked a holiday to France in a private villa for his parents, brother family (gf+new baby) and us (me, bf and our 2DD.) Holiday was booked after I’d already said no me and the girls weren’t going. I’ve fallen out with his mother many times because she has zero respect for me (for example forward facing my 2 year old after me specifically asking for her to be rear facing) but am on talking terms with his mother. The brother and gf on the other hand I won’t talk too, they are ignorant and rude, they barely even say hello to me, at my partners nans funeral sat on a table they sat talking about my DD with another couple without involving me in the conversation when I was the 5th wheel sat at that table essentially, and the gf heavily judged how I was going to manage a child (cars,living arrangements etc) about 2 hours before I found out we’d lost our first baby at 16weeks pregnant which I haven’t ever forgotten from 5 years ago.
Now my partner has supposedly spoken to his brother about these issues and said I should expect a message or phone call from them (I assume to apologise?) this was about a month ago now and I’ve heard zero,zilch, nada, nothing. But hey I don’t really want to associate with those sort of people.

discussed with partner that maybe he shouldn’t go on this holiday either as I essentially feel he’s enabling their behaviour and siding with them, he doesn’t agree and thinks he should go because his mums already booked it expecting us to go even though I’d already made it clear I wasn’t going. AIBU?
just feel like he’s never on my team, I’ve been here a million times before and never feel like I can leave as I always go back. (I have a separate house, finances, child maintenance in place from all the other times we’ve broken up and got back together)

Theres probably so much more back story but I have terrible memory.

After I’d already told my partner that I wouldn’t go (I wouldn’t have minded if it was separate lodges or something but it’s a private villa all under the same roof so there’s no me space to get away from the awkwardness), his mum still went ahead and booked it and then had the audacity to send me a message saying “thinking of a holiday to France in June, and wondered if you would like to come with the girls and DP?” She’s just devious 😤

this would be the 3rd time in 2 years DP would’ve been on holiday with his family without us and I’ve had enough now.

So you have chosen not to go and you want to force him not too? Really?

Regardless of your relationship, you and the children have the option to go on the vacation. It's your choice not to go; you can't demand that he doesn't go because you don't want to.

First post nails it!

It seems that you want him to cut off part of his family because you have an issue with them.

They are still his family.

I agree he should not force you to be around them but equally you cannot force him to drop his family for you. Compromises need to be made and it looks like he is doing that.

I may have a different view if you demonstrated how awfully they were treating you but…they have not.

What does this even mean and is it a reason to fall out with somebody.

I’ve fallen out with his mother many times because she has zero respect for me (for example forward facing my 2 year old after me specifically asking for her to be rear facing

I can’t imagine all the people that the OP has fallen out with during her life. Endless!

Op you need to just stop taking offence to everything and let the past go. Maybe if you change you're attitude towards them, they will change too.

How much responsibility do you give your partner with the kids? If you prefer to be in control then he will never learn and also, what I found I struggled with was letting DH do parenting his way whilst I didn't it my way. No one's way is better, it's just different. So you have to give some compromise

These issues seem minor. Don't let the PIL take the DC in their car if you aren't happy with child seat arrangements but to stop your DP having a relationship with his family because you can't get on with them is controlling. They invited you and you said no so you can't moan if he wants to go anyway.

She means in a carseat. It's safer to have the child facing the rear of the vehicle as long as possible. However, 2 years old is generally the age where it's considered safe to face them forward. If OP asked mil to rear-face the child, then she should do it. But I wouldn't fall out with someone over it.

There can be circumstances where it's more difficult to rear-face a child; it can be harder to buckle them in that way which is a challenge for some people. Or sometimes the child can get really fussy about facing the rear, and if the driver is distracted because of a fussy kid, that's not safe either.

You have been invited, you have declined the invitation. Fair enough.
DH has been invited, and he does want to go. Also seems fair enough, to me. Why doesn't he go with the kids?

This relationship is going no where. However you do need to stop trying to control DP and his mum as when you split you won't be able to dictate what he does and where he goes with your child.

Yeah, I’d get out if I were you.
Give everyone a break.