Aibu to think OH shouldn’t go on family holiday without us?

[Peachy789]

Long story short his mother has booked a holiday to France in a private villa for his parents, brother family (gf+new baby) and us (me, bf and our 2DD.) Holiday was booked after I’d already said no me and the girls weren’t going. I’ve fallen out with his mother many times because she has zero respect for me (for example forward facing my 2 year old after me specifically asking for her to be rear facing) but am on talking terms with his mother. The brother and gf on the other hand I won’t talk too, they are ignorant and rude, they barely even say hello to me, at my partners nans funeral sat on a table they sat talking about my DD with another couple without involving me in the conversation when I was the 5th wheel sat at that table essentially, and the gf heavily judged how I was going to manage a child (cars,living arrangements etc) about 2 hours before I found out we’d lost our first baby at 16weeks pregnant which I haven’t ever forgotten from 5 years ago.
Now my partner has supposedly spoken to his brother about these issues and said I should expect a message or phone call from them (I assume to apologise?) this was about a month ago now and I’ve heard zero,zilch, nada, nothing. But hey I don’t really want to associate with those sort of people.

discussed with partner that maybe he shouldn’t go on this holiday either as I essentially feel he’s enabling their behaviour and siding with them, he doesn’t agree and thinks he should go because his mums already booked it expecting us to go even though I’d already made it clear I wasn’t going. AIBU?
just feel like he’s never on my team, I’ve been here a million times before and never feel like I can leave as I always go back. (I have a separate house, finances, child maintenance in place from all the other times we’ve broken up and got back together)

Theres probably so much more back story but I have terrible memory.

After I’d already told my partner that I wouldn’t go (I wouldn’t have minded if it was separate lodges or something but it’s a private villa all under the same roof so there’s no me space to get away from the awkwardness), his mum still went ahead and booked it and then had the audacity to send me a message saying “thinking of a holiday to France in June, and wondered if you would like to come with the girls and DP?” She’s just devious 😤

this would be the 3rd time in 2 years DP would’ve been on holiday with his family without us and I’ve had enough now.

With you saying you feel like you’re not a team. I can’t really blame him, you have broken up so many times you live separately and he pays child maintenance, he’s not going to want to fall out with his whole family/support network for a relationship that honestly sounds doomed to fail.

How old are the children? If they were school age I wouod have been annoyed that it had been booked during termtime, but thats about it.
Other than that, I can't really see any issues. What is your relationship like with your family, do they get on well with your DH? Just wondering if this is part of a bigger picture?
Seperate to the holiday, you and partner do need to make a decision about the future of your relationship, all this splitting and getting back together can't be great for your children

Can your husband take the DC? That way they get a nice holiday but you don't have to socialise with the in-laws.

I don’t think it’s fair to just tell him he can’t go. Why doesn’t he get a say. If it works timing wise let him go with your daughters and you stay home

You sound like the problem here, op. It almost seems like you're looking for a problem.

You are fed up of him going on holiday with you and your daughters, but you are all invited to go.
if you don’t like him going without you then go aswell.

This!
The problem is you OP you sound extremely confrontational and unforgiving, your MIL is obviously trying to build bridges and you’re determined to smash them down. the only loser here will be you, you sound very mean spirited.
If I was your OH I’d go and take the children and have a fabulous time.

I think YABU and make mountains out of molehills.

Even the comment the gf heavily judged how I was going to manage a child (cars,living arrangements etc) about 2 hours before I found out we’d lost our first baby
Doesn't make sense. She didn't have a crystal ball. And how you've laid it all out I imagine the "judgement" was nothing if the sort

thinking of a holiday to France in June, and wondered if you would like to come with the girls and DP?

This is the exact kind of message anyone in my family would send. It's never occurred to me before but I should probably go NC will them all immediately as I can see now that they are all toxic, devious people. Thanks for opening my eyes to it OP!

YANBU You have another house you can live in, you have maintenance. Wtf are you still with him? Have some self respect. He will NEVER have you back, and you know it. He has no respect for you at all, and doesn't see you as family. Get some self respect, tell him you're leaving him and this time is for real.

Sounds like you’re jealous that he has a good relationship with his family and you’re just being awkward to put a downer on the whole thing. If you don’t want to go that’s fine but he should and he shouldn’t have to feel bad about it

I think your husband should go on the holiday with his family and take the children, they will enjoy themselves and you can stay at home, seething and being offended. I am really surprised you're still together, frankly, your life doesn't sound like much fun.

You sound jealous of his relationship with his family in another note your poor children having to live with the fact that you are continually splitting up can you not see what damage this will do to them?

It doesn't sound as if you and dp are 'together' so mil booked a holiday for him and kids, but kindly invited you too.

While I can’t really comment on how devious etc your in laws might be based on the info provided, the one thing I do have an opinion on is the attempt to prevent your partner spending time with his family.

My DH gets on ok with my family, but has made it very clear he would never want to go on holiday with them. But he would never, ever stop me from going.

The only way I could see it being an issue would be if he is choosing a holiday with his family instead of a family holiday with you and the children that year.

Why don’t you let him go and take the children? Fair enough if you don’t want to go but they’ve already had 2 holidays which he has attended without his children, that seems unfair

He should go and then separate properly from you when he returns.

Reading between the lines I suspect the OP wouldn't be satisfied with this because she thinks she's the only one who can make decisions about their kids...

It sounds like there’s a common denominator here…

This x1000

Stop trying to control others' relationships.

You’re being petty and dramatic.

If I was on a table with four people talking about my pregnancy, I would just join in. Why didn't you?

Maybe his family tends to be off with you because your relationship with him is on-and-off? It sounds like you want the moon on a stick where he and them are concerned, yet your grievances against them sound petty at best. If you really cannot stand them and resent him for spending time with them, perhaps you should end the relationship for good.

Free holiday ? I’d have been leaping at the chance.
I don’t understand what the in-laws have done wrong, but inviting you on holiday is clearly an olive branch. Even if you’re not keen on them , they are your daughters’ family, and you need to find a way to get along with them for their sake.
If you really can’t bring yourself to go along with this, don’t let the kids miss out on a holiday with family, let OH take them while you relax at home.

heavily judged how I was going to manage a child (cars,living arrangements etc) about 2 hours before I found out we’d lost our first baby at 16weeks pregnant

Sorry you lost your baby. I think it sounds like general chat rather than “heavy judging” and she wasn’t to know you’d lose the baby. All your other examples sound like you’re being quite paranoid and overly dramatic and almost trying to drive a wedge in the family.

Can your partner not just take his kids, it sounds like you two aren’t in a great place, I don’t think he’s unreasonable to want to go a nice holiday with his family, but he could certainly take his children even if you don’t want to go.