Aibu to think OH shouldn’t go on family holiday without us?

[Peachy789]

Long story short his mother has booked a holiday to France in a private villa for his parents, brother family (gf+new baby) and us (me, bf and our 2DD.) Holiday was booked after I’d already said no me and the girls weren’t going. I’ve fallen out with his mother many times because she has zero respect for me (for example forward facing my 2 year old after me specifically asking for her to be rear facing) but am on talking terms with his mother. The brother and gf on the other hand I won’t talk too, they are ignorant and rude, they barely even say hello to me, at my partners nans funeral sat on a table they sat talking about my DD with another couple without involving me in the conversation when I was the 5th wheel sat at that table essentially, and the gf heavily judged how I was going to manage a child (cars,living arrangements etc) about 2 hours before I found out we’d lost our first baby at 16weeks pregnant which I haven’t ever forgotten from 5 years ago.
Now my partner has supposedly spoken to his brother about these issues and said I should expect a message or phone call from them (I assume to apologise?) this was about a month ago now and I’ve heard zero,zilch, nada, nothing. But hey I don’t really want to associate with those sort of people.

discussed with partner that maybe he shouldn’t go on this holiday either as I essentially feel he’s enabling their behaviour and siding with them, he doesn’t agree and thinks he should go because his mums already booked it expecting us to go even though I’d already made it clear I wasn’t going. AIBU?
just feel like he’s never on my team, I’ve been here a million times before and never feel like I can leave as I always go back. (I have a separate house, finances, child maintenance in place from all the other times we’ve broken up and got back together)

Theres probably so much more back story but I have terrible memory.

After I’d already told my partner that I wouldn’t go (I wouldn’t have minded if it was separate lodges or something but it’s a private villa all under the same roof so there’s no me space to get away from the awkwardness), his mum still went ahead and booked it and then had the audacity to send me a message saying “thinking of a holiday to France in June, and wondered if you would like to come with the girls and DP?” She’s just devious 😤

this would be the 3rd time in 2 years DP would’ve been on holiday with his family without us and I’ve had enough now.

Move on, be happy, enjoy a lovely holiday your girls granny has arranged and kindly paid for. Have a wonderful time playing in the pool with your little ones with full-time childcare there when you want/ need a break and that will help with the day to day of family life. Let your little ones have fun with their family.

Maybe it’s difficult for him to be on your team when you’re being dramatic and falling out with people over the smallest of things.

Let things go, don’t fester and make them big otherwise life will become very miserable for you

Either break up with your partner, or just get with on with it with his family. None of it sounds that bad. People can be inconsiderate and rude in all families. I think you should go and behave well yourself, not be too ready to take offence.

Don't deny your children their relationship with their grandparents. Rise above.

This!

It sounds like he enjoys spending time with his family, which is fair enough. It sounds like you need to be a bit more adaptable and fit in with them.

The car seat thing, is the only real clear cut thing you mentioned. I agree that is not acceptable, the proportional reaction is your DD can't go in the car with MIL again. Your DP should have backed you on that issue.

I'd let him go and take his children to spend time with their family if you really don't want to go.. It's not really clear what they actually have done wrong to be honest. There's no way I'd sit at a table of four people and not include myself in the conversation about my own child. Your sil also wasn't aware you were going to have a mc although it was a strange conversation, were you really young at the time. It does sound like you are quite young still from all the drama.

Don't go then, sounds like you really don't want to anyway.

So you have festered and simmered about awkward interaction at a funeral (when no one knows what to say, or is ‘themselves’ ) for 5 years? And despite your previous refusal to go on holiday they are still welcoming you, inviting you to go? (Aka ‘being devious’ )

OK, many people find group family holidays with the ILs stressful.

If you really can’t relax and see that it usually takes two to create a feud, fine, decline. But you have no business expecting your partner not to go or to stop him taking his DD’s.

This. You are also denying you dd a holiday with their extended family. Sorry girls you can’t go and have a wonderful time because mummy doesn’t want you to go cuz she doesn’t like granny.

It sounds like you are the problem here OP

You sound deluded, if your falling out with a lot of people & on/off breaking up with your husband constantly the problem can't all be them can it? You have a you problem.

You sound like hard work with a victim complex. Get some therapy.

He can still be with his family without you.
As hard as it is, do you really want him to go nc with his own mum?
He could go on 2 holidays, one with his mum and siblings and one with you and the kids.
Compromise is good.

@Klovos
There is no need to quote the entire lengthy OP, just @Peachy789 is enough.

Exactly! What. A. Bitch!

Either there’s a huge amount of relevant info missing, or PP is correct that this sounds like normal ILS communication difficulties that many of us experience but manage to get over.

All the previous times you split with DP, what were the reasons for that?

Maybe his family aren’t keen on you / this relationship, because you keep splitting up, then getting back together. It must be very dramatic

I wouldn't count the family of inalws as 'a lot of ppl.' Usually not always , if you fall out with one family member they all support each other.

Goodness, just let him go!! You were invited. You don't want to go, that's fine. But let him go.
If a person is repeatedly falling out with other people, it's a good idea for them to examine their own behaviour rather than always blaming other people.

They sound quite unpleasant, as do you, but I’d send him off with the dc to France and enjoy your relaxing break at home. I wouldn’t be saddled with the kids while he swanned off on a 2 week holiday though. Let him solo parent overstimulated hot children and get on with his life choices. Dh likes to holiday with his family. I don’t. Fine, off to France he went with dc for 2 weeks last summer. It was great for me. I don’t need to be glued to my children 24/7.

But this isn't them all taking sides this is the OP not liking her in-laws and also separately not liking her brother in law and his girlfriend. She also on several occasions dislikes her other half so much she's split with him set up a new home and filed a child maintenance claim. This is definitely an OP problem.

She probably doesn't like them because they all act like idiots.. ops boyfriend is a fool as well... clearly leaving his family to go on holiday , of course they have no respect for op.

What were they saying about DD? Perhaps that was their attempt at bringing you into the conversation but you didn’t recognise the cue?

You know that SIL had no idea you were going to lose your baby? The 2 things aren’t linked, they were coincidental. Was she asking as you and your partner are quite on/off with 2 homes and she wondered how it was going to work?

It does sound like you can be quite adversarial and fall out easily, then hold a grudge.

Are you privy to information were not. There's been no indication they've acted like idiots and she's invited on the holidays and refused to go so is he just supposed to cut his whole family off because the OP dislikes them? A tad controlling of her don't you think...

Remember you're hearing only one side of the story. It would be interesting to hear the other side.

She said mil has dis respected her over her child's safety and car seats, among other things.

Whatever bil did, it was enough to warrant a promise of a phone call apology

Talking about someone in front of them isn't nice behaviour