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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mums strange lie

285 replies

dontsaystuff · 14/02/2025 21:58

One day when I was about 7/8 I remember my mum coming home visibly upset and rushing to the bathroom. I followed her to find her undressed, in tears and scrubbing at her skin. She was covered in arrows, dots and lines almost like surgical markings but on every inch of her skin.

She shut the door, I asked her about it often for the next couple of weeks she said that it was ‘just drawings’ and that she was fine. I could tell she continued to be upset by it and honestly feel like she changed since then.

I asked about it again a couple of years later and she completely denied it even happening, said it must have been a dream. The couple of other times I’ve asked about it she’s stuck to that story. I’d convinced myself that it might have been but it feels like it was such a clear l memory from my childhood, not just seeing her but the conversations we had after. I was very scared, confused and upset by it, still am.

Last year she got an upwards arrow tattooed on her wrist, she looked upset/guilty when I saw it. I’ve just seen a photo of her that shows a series of dashed lines tattooed on her other arm.

It’s driving me crazy, I can’t stop thinking about what could have happened, why she would get the tattoos and seeing her covered in the markings.

I understand that something upsetting obviously happened to her and why she wouldn’t want to tell me but
AIBU in thinking that it’s not fair to say I made it up especially when she’s gotten these tattoos?

OP posts:
crackernutted · 14/02/2025 22:32

How long ago did this happen?

PandoraSox · 14/02/2025 22:33

Why two threads about this, OP?

shellyleppard · 14/02/2025 22:34

I think they do tattoos like that for radiotherapy??

crackernutted · 14/02/2025 22:35

Could you share a drawing of what you saw and the tattoos now?

Where exactly were the lines on your mother?

dontsaystuff · 14/02/2025 22:40

PandoraSox · 14/02/2025 22:33

Why two threads about this, OP?

That was a mistake, the other has been deleted

OP posts:
Lighttodark · 14/02/2025 22:46

Yanbu that sounds scary and confusing

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 14/02/2025 22:48

This is probably not the case, but I have seen people within the kink community do things like this. I have a friend into degradation and markings/writing and someone saying how she could improve physically etc.

Things that can be pleasurable and consensual for some can be abusive for others. If your mum had a bad experience then it probably wasn't appropriate for her to share that with you as a child... And maybe the tattoos are her way of reclaiming or healing.

I am maybe way off... But this was the first thing that popped into my head.

ConstanceM · 14/02/2025 22:49

Sounds like a horror film, I'm actually scared reading about this situation 😔

Zippidydoodah · 14/02/2025 22:50

This is very strange. I didn’t know about the radiotherapy tattoos but I just googled it. Maybe she got the arrow tattooed as a celebration of strength at getting through treatment? And she felt guilty as it’s something she kept from you?

ItGhoul · 14/02/2025 22:51

I don’t think your feelings are the important thing here. Yes, I’m sure it’s hurtful that she implied you made things up, but it’s very obvious that whatever happened to your mum was something traumatic that she doesn’t want to talk about and she clearly just desperately wanted to shut down the conversation.

dontsaystuff · 14/02/2025 22:54

I've googled radiotherapy markings, I don't believe that's what it was.
They completely covered her body, almost more arrows and lines than skin

OP posts:
Thatsthesoundofthepolice · 14/02/2025 22:57

Gosh how odd

Isittimeformynapyet · 14/02/2025 22:58

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 14/02/2025 22:48

This is probably not the case, but I have seen people within the kink community do things like this. I have a friend into degradation and markings/writing and someone saying how she could improve physically etc.

Things that can be pleasurable and consensual for some can be abusive for others. If your mum had a bad experience then it probably wasn't appropriate for her to share that with you as a child... And maybe the tattoos are her way of reclaiming or healing.

I am maybe way off... But this was the first thing that popped into my head.

Kink was the first thing I thought of too.

wheretoyougonow · 14/02/2025 22:59

From what you have said it might be that she was abused. That would be good reason for her not to talk about it. Obviously it was upsetting for you but she's tried to protect you from it. You may just need to leave the subject alone.

Isittimeformynapyet · 14/02/2025 23:00

ConstanceM · 14/02/2025 22:49

Sounds like a horror film, I'm actually scared reading about this situation 😔

Pull yourself together dear.

yourmaw · 14/02/2025 23:02

I have no idea where I pulled such a notion-far less of plausiblity-could she have been posing life model?arrows etc markm out shape etc...

loropianalover · 14/02/2025 23:03

I’ve just seen a photo of her that shows a series of dashed lines tattooed on her other arm

Can you go into a little more detail about this? Is this a new photo she’s uploaded to Facebook or something - with a full sleeve of straight lines tattooed down her entire arm? Is this expected behaviour from your mum?

Or is this an old photo you came across in a drawer? And she no longer has this big sleeve tattoo?

Is your mum a secretive person in general? Would you always know, roughly, where she is on a given day? Does she live alone, do you know her friends?

Dellspoem · 14/02/2025 23:08

mental ill health is what comes to mind

CerealPosterHere · 14/02/2025 23:11

So was there back then a man who may have been controlling in her life? Were the lines in places she couldn’t reach? If so someone put them there.

LushLemonTart · 14/02/2025 23:11

How bizarre. Doesn't sound like she's going to tell you sadly.

TrainGame · 14/02/2025 23:14

Some kind of cult?

Whelm · 14/02/2025 23:22

There are a variety of systems of lines used by surgeons to reduce scarring and improve healing - one of which are known as Langer's lines.
I imagine that some medics who have studied them may view them erotically. If your mum had health worries that she didn't want to share, she may have felt/been obliged to allow someone to use her skin.
She may feel that she's protecting you from something.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Langer%27s_lines

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kraissl%27s_lines

Langer's lines - Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Langer's_lines

catzrulz · 14/02/2025 23:22

dontsaystuff · 14/02/2025 22:54

I've googled radiotherapy markings, I don't believe that's what it was.
They completely covered her body, almost more arrows and lines than skin

My radiotherapy tattoos are all just dots.
I've 3 in total and although they're not big, they are enough for the beam to hit.

TwoFatDucklings · 14/02/2025 23:27

What is she was a life drawing model and they drew on her as part of the art or to highlight the shapes of her muscles and features

healthybychristmas · 14/02/2025 23:34

I think it sounds as though somebody did that against her will. It's not radiotherapy if it's all over her body. She was very upset and scrubbing them off which indicates she didn't want them there in the first place. What sort of men does your mum mix with, OP?