Mums strange lie

[dontsaystuff]

One day when I was about 7/8 I remember my mum coming home visibly upset and rushing to the bathroom. I followed her to find her undressed, in tears and scrubbing at her skin. She was covered in arrows, dots and lines almost like surgical markings but on every inch of her skin.

She shut the door, I asked her about it often for the next couple of weeks she said that it was ‘just drawings’ and that she was fine. I could tell she continued to be upset by it and honestly feel like she changed since then.

I asked about it again a couple of years later and she completely denied it even happening, said it must have been a dream. The couple of other times I’ve asked about it she’s stuck to that story. I’d convinced myself that it might have been but it feels like it was such a clear l memory from my childhood, not just seeing her but the conversations we had after. I was very scared, confused and upset by it, still am.

Last year she got an upwards arrow tattooed on her wrist, she looked upset/guilty when I saw it. I’ve just seen a photo of her that shows a series of dashed lines tattooed on her other arm.

It’s driving me crazy, I can’t stop thinking about what could have happened, why she would get the tattoos and seeing her covered in the markings.

I understand that something upsetting obviously happened to her and why she wouldn’t want to tell me but
AIBU in thinking that it’s not fair to say I made it up especially when she’s gotten these tattoos?

@Treesandsheepeverywhere the OP kept asking when she was 6yo!!

I know MN can have strange ideas some times but expecting a 6yo, who has just been traumatised, to take it on herself to stop asking questions is bonkers.
Best way to have a child who grows up with very unhealthy coping mechanisms too.

Blaming the OP first doing something completely normal as a 6yo is more akin to victim blaming tbh.

OP says she asked over the years.
She's now an adult and still wants to ask.

Victim blaming being thrown around because you don't agree is ridiculous.

We clearly have differing opinions.

As I said before, there are traumatic incidents I'm not happy discussing and wouldn't appreciate somone bringing them up unless I was ready.

Some people talk earlier than others, some take it to the grave, that's their choice!

Why should that choice be taken away from OP's DM? Do mothers not have rights to how and when they disclose traumatic incidents?

OP has the option of getting therapy, or she could wait for when her DM is ready to talk.

I agree 100%.
My mother never wanted to discuss her traumatic event, she handled it the best way for her.
No one pressed her to talk and open up old wounds, and that is the kindest way to act imo.

The OP must find her own way of dealing with this, either through therapy, or perhaps by subtly talking to an older confidante who knew her mum back when this happened.

@Treesandsheepeverywhere I think your post is more about you and your own history than it is about the OP.

@NovemberMorn and once again no one on this thread has suggested that the mum should talk about what happened to her.
Not me and certainly not the OP either.

What the OP wants is confirmation that this particular event that SHE WAS PART OF took place. Because thinking something has happened, having memories of it but being told ‘it’s all fantasy. It never happened’ does things to your mind.
Thats it.

I speak from my own experience, whose else?
I've written about OP & her DM's situation, which you've read.

We don't know what OP's DM thinks, so I can't speak for her.

OP asked if she should ask, & those are my reasons why I think it's not a good idea.

People are different and we learn from each other's experiences.

It's a forum for people to share what they deem suitable.

OP will takeaway what she chooses.

Precisely, why anyone would think talking about trauma should be pushed is beyond me.

Unfortunately there are people (Not meaning OP) who love hearing all the gory details with no thought of the mental aftermath.

Victims have a right to choose when to talk, if at all.

Glad to hear you showed your DM the kindness, patience and understanding for her to deal with the trauma her own way.

No need to shout. Victims don't owe anyone confirmation that they went through trauma.

Confirming is still having to face those demons, which is still a choice only the victim had a right to make.

Doesn't matter who or how many people saw it, if a victim chooses to suppress those memories to cope, so be it.

What the OP wants is confirmation that this particular event that SHE WAS PART OF took place.

It was confirmed at the time.

Eta
I asked her about it often for the next couple of weeks she said that it was ‘just drawings’ and that she was fine.

You saying ''no one on this thread has suggested that the mum should talk about what happened to her"...is very wrong.
Many have suggested she should. See the quotes below highlighted in black .. and that's just from the first few pages.
The OP had clarity at the time, that she saw what she saw, when it happened, and several times afterwards.

"ASK your mum. Tell her you're basically traumatised by what you saw and you don't understand the tattoos."

"I think I would, as someone else suggested, say this has disturbed and bothered me for years. Please can you briefly just explain what it was? Also what is the symbolism of your tattooes? Hopefully she can just answer"

"The op was a dc disturbed by what she witnessed she has every right to ask for clarity."

"you saw this and thus she should kindly explain, or at least give some explanation."

It was a frightening childhood experience that you want to talk about as you got no answers. That's OK