Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

Not in the situation yet so I'm not sure what we would do. DS1 final year of a sandwich degree and DS2 first year so would never charge whilst they are in full time education. Also wouldn't if they were part time and looking for full time work.

If financially we could afford I would probably not charge but expect them to save for their future. If I needed the money then obviously would expect a contribution to living costs.

It's not holding children back, it's teaching them responsibilty. I always ended up 'loaning' DD more each month than she paid in rent. But she learnt to pay her rent before frittering the rest away.

It's interesting that you say charging rent (keep) is greedy and sets them up to fail and then go on to say that teenagers are reckless and not smart.

Parents who ask for keep are probably ones who have taught their children not to be reckless, how to be smart and know what it means to run a household. This starts from a young age.
If my son is bringing home a wage and living at home he will absolutely contribute towards the running of the household, and he will understand why.
It won't be a large amount, but enough that he needs to learn how to budget.

Ignorant? Hello pot, I’m kettle. Nothing I said there was wrong. Poverty has nothing to do with owning a phone? People don’t even own shoes. Look how pompous you are! You consider yourself a victim when you have access to free healthcare, which half of the world (half of 7 BILLION people) don’t have access to any. And UK is one of the few countries with free healthcare at that. You need education. There is someone worst off than you while you type on mumsnet and the fact that you think you are so unfortunate actually shows how ungrateful people have become.

I think the one thing people should ensure before having kids is that they are financially stable. Yes this means preparing for a rainy day. In some cases this might not always be the case but it should be standard. But more often than not people bring kids into their struggling lives to struggle with them because it’s “unconditional love” or “they’ll make it work.” It’s the truth that no one likes to hear but if I was to say I was going to have a baby with nothing to my name than how is that not problematic? This is not the case for people with unexpected illnesses and who are left by their spouse btw.

I also think finances and budgeting should be part of the curriculum.
I remember doing commerce at school( in the 80's) but that's different.

Totally with you OP. It's crazy to charge your own kids rent to live in their own home. I think it's a British thing as I have never heard of this elsewhere.

I'm a single parent and charge my daughter £400 of her £1600 take home pay which leaves her plenty to save and to live off. I have a relatively low income of £28k and have no qualms taking board from her. There's no way I could support both of us on my wage alone and why should I? I supported her all through uni and it was tough. There's no reason she should not now be expected to pay her way.

I have three adult children here.

I have one income coming in. So yes, my two older children who are over 20 have to pay to live here, and even then, it's a bloody bargain compared to what they would be spending.

My 18 year old doesn't pay rent, but she's still in full time education and has only just got a very part time job.

I can't imagine them going to work and getting to keep all their money to do what they like with, whilst I struggle financially to support grown adults. Thankfully, my kids would never expect that of me.

My parents made me and my brothers pay rent once we had got full time jobs (so for me, that was after uni, for my brothers it was when they were 18), and we had to pay 1/4 - that covered our meals being cooked and food, although if we wanted anything specific above what she got in the weekly family shop we has to pay for, utilities and our laundry being done. My parents couldn't afford to have adult children living at home without some sort of contribution - things like tax credits and child benefit stopped at 18 so that was a significant drop in money.

I will be doing the same for my children. When they earn a full time wage, they will be expected to give a 1/4 of it for housekeeping towards food, utilities and laundry (and yes, my mom did dinner and my brothers laundry until we all left home at 25 because it all went into one basket and put in the machine together every day)

Aha, so this is a roundabout way of saying poor people shouldn’t have children then?

Each family is different. My adult DD is living with us whilst saving to buy a place. Us charging her rent would just lengthen her stay 😬 But we don't need to rely on her income, other families can't afford to make the same decision.

This as a tool for Learning to budget makes little sense to me. Not only is it quite a pathetic attempt at a very late stage but taking £50,100 a week just seems pointless- what are you teaching them, that your bills are of comparable value to a night out? A pair of shoes?
The lesson comes when you have to stop going out or buying shoes to pay bills because the sensible choice is to pay the bills.

however, on the flip side charging them a comparable amount to a genuine cost of renting is silly because they may as well move into a property or house share of their choice where they can chose location, size and the freedom to come and go as they please and not do household chores etc.

it’s also the opportunities that paying bills takes away. Where we live my children can work in London- numerous fantastic oppprtunities career wise - but the train will cost them £300 a month.

plenty of people with less privilege than them
are excluded from this opportunity because they can’t afford the travel with rent and bills.

Do I want to risk my young adult children making dysfunctional short term decisions based on paying my rent? God no. Their early 20s is a time to strive and achieve and set themselves up for an easier later life and I want them to take every opportunity without the worry of a massive property payment each month until they need or want to.

again, I am talking about people who don’t need the money but charge it on principle

Your viewpoint is from such a privileged position. I have a friend who has 4 children (2 adult children living with her as well as 2 under the age of 18) plus every other weekend she has 2 teenage step children to feed too. She earns £26k and her partner earns slightly less. Do your sums. Of course it isn't "weird" for the older children to use the money they are earning to pay towards their upkeep.

If they need the money then I'd say it's fair. If they don't then the kid should still buy own food, phone bill, do own cooking and cleaning etc. I think it should only kick in once they're working full time. Unless they are deliberately just refusing to get a job even after graduation.
Obviously each family is different, and have their own reasons. Some people hold the money back and give a lump sum to help them buy a flat or rent when they're a bit older.

I think it depends on the situation.

My aunt has no spare money to speak of, worked in social care her whole life and loves it, but very low pay and has always scrimped and scraped to get by. Cost of living increases have hit her hard. Her son and daughter are mid 20s and in very well-paying jobs (just started them because of doing masters and training and such). Do I think they should pay her rent, absolutely.

My friend has very rich London parents that have more money than they could ever spend, he lives with them in a mediocre London corporate job. Do I think he should pay rent, no.

If you think it’s weird, your privilege is showing. I lost £425 a month as soon as my eldest turned 18 and I need that money so if you don’t need the money lucky you 🤷🏽‍♀️I cannot support an adult for free

Most people I know charge for digs. I paid digs myself. I will charge it too.

it’s being and adult and contributing. I don’t see how teaching responsibilities will lead to failure. The opposite in fact.

No, it's preparing your kids first real life!
When I started full time work, 30 years ago, I paid £250/month to live at home it was about 1/5 of my pay at the time and everything was included.

Conversation for a different thread… Will keep it focused on the original question for now.

I never said anything about me!

I'm not a victim and I don't think I'm unfortunate at all. This is hilarious!

Did you actually read my post instead of making assumptions?

You've assumed because I'm capable of seeing a different opinion to you, that I must be in a different financial position to you.

people should only have as many children as they can afford. That kind of seems like really common sense to me. And I’m not talking about situations changing later down the line.

Why should parents pay all the bills while adult children are spending money on luxuries, holidays ,nice clothes, and saving too. What sort of child would live like this while leeching off their parents? They’re often earning a lot more than the parents. As for parents paying their car insurance, phone bills etc, more fool them if they do! If a reasonable amount of board is agreed on after discussion of household bills and expenses, then it benefits both children and adults.

Not all parents can afford to house grown up children 🤷‍♀️

No, it teaches them to budget and be responsible.

Especially if they're over 21.

Echoing pp's If you can afford to save a portion of it or all, that is great.

It never done me any harm, I'm sure DM gave most of it back anyway throughout the month for bus fare or lunch money.

I could afford all my children, until my husband beat me up 🤷‍♀️
Now I do it all alone.
lots and lots of people in the same boat.
I don’t think a person charging their child keep shouldn’t have had them, but there you go.
I don’t have the cushion of being well off