Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

Yanbu, in my culture this would be so insulting to our parents to pay them!
We contribute only if we want to but we are expected to save. Really appreciate this as we could save up to buy a home instead of wasting money on rent.
I always felt sorry for some friends who had to pay rent to their parents while I got to save.
In turn, as adults we now happily provide for our parents even though it isn't expected.

I wouldn't charge rent; if I had adult children at home who were earning reasonable salaries I'd expect them to contribute proportionately, or what they could afford, to the household but that wouldn't be much compared to 'rent'. However there are people who honestly need a regular payment from their kids because of financial hardship so I don't judge, it's not my business. I know if parents, or a single parent, is on some sort of means tested benefit, an adult child's contribution is expected and taken into account when assessing how much they will get so no choice there. What I do know is that most or many parents are generous with their children regardless of circumstances and do try to help them get on their feet so they can move out eventually.

When I started working full time (many years ago!) I was earning the grand total of £7,500 a year. I was conscious, however, that money had always been really tight growing up. My parents never bought each other birthday or Christmas presents, for instance, because they'd spend everything they had on making my Christmas special. We never went on holiday because we couldn't afford it and every penny was accounted for and budgeted for each month.

My parents never suggested or expected me to contribute to the running costs of the house, but as a responsible 18 year old I thought it was my duty to do so, so I offered and they accepted. Why should I have continued living off their extremely tight budget when I was earning my own money?

As others have said, a grown up child living at home will cost the household more money - child benefits disappear, council tax may suddenly go up without the 25% single person discount applying any more. That child is well within their rights to leave home and would have to start paying their own bills and food, etc. So why should they not learn some financial responsibility while living at home?

There is a big difference between the households that can and can't afford to subsidise their adult children living at home.

Personally I would expect all adult children to contribute to living at home. It's what the parent has to do with it that will differ. Some will need that money to pay towards the bills, and others will be able to put it aside to give back to them.

I like PP's suggestion of telling them that you'll save half for them, but saving all of it if you can.

It does help them learn to stand on their own two feet, IMHO.

That's good and I go along with that.

It entirely depends on the situation. I paid my parents £200 per month whilst living at home after uni, I was earning substantially more than my mum, and saving £1000 per month towards a house deposit with plenty left over towards holidays and discretionary spends. The idea that I wouldn't pay towards my keep was just preposterous.

I had a paper round when I was 13 years old. Got £1.30 a week and my dad took 50p off me every week. He didn't need to and as much as I resented it at the time, it taught me to appreciate what I had and I'm now very good with my finances, even though I don't earn a huge amount.

I already know I'll be charging them rent 😂
A % of income etc and will be put aside to return to them at some point for deposit or whatever. Teach a lesson about paying for things. My parents didn't do that but luckily my degree taught me🙄

Once you hit 18 and are earning, of course you should contribute. Why not? I wouldn't charge my child "rent" as I'd be paying that regardless, however I see nothing wrong with them taking their share of the bills and food shop. Why should they get it for free? It's still the best deal they'll EVER have for accommodation!

My son is on a sandwich year from uni living back at home he is 21 and getting paid to do this. He gives me £200 a month. It is NOT rent it is for food and maybe a contribution to extra fuel etc. It actually doesn't cover food in reality as he is a gym bunny and eats lots of protein.
I do not have a lot of money so I NEED this money to buy his food he could of course buy it himself but working v long hours and I cook. He knows the cost as he has had to buy food in the real world at uni, PLUS rent.
I don't want my kids to be entitled brats, and have realistic expectations in life.

Not at age 17, and not when my eldest DC returned from uni and was out of work.
But after finding a job, I did expect a small contribution towards their costs. (not rent). Here, though it depends upon what you are buying. WHat if the DC wants 'special' food but are buying it themselves, or are you paying for their food?
Are you doing their washing and cleaning, or are they doing it themselves?
Are they being responsible about heating and costs etc or are they having 3 X 30 minute showers every day and using a clean towel each time.
There are so many variables, and I have not started on what sort of job they have and how much they are earning.
Personally, I think this makes them be more responsible as adults.

Why is it weird? My youngest DS aged 24 earns just under 50k and has almost 100k saved. Why is it weird that he gives my DH and I £250 per month towards his household costs?

The only gotcha with this is that you hold the asset- this is more than half your ISA allowance (12k). If got them to open a LISA, then wouldn't this be better?

Off topic I know....

I think adult kids paying rent to their parents gives them a taster of financial responsibility. I totally understand that for some families, that is essential.
Difficult to generalise when there are so many variations in peoples' attitudes/responsibilities towards money. Some young people may squander everything whilst others save.
Some individuals are supported with a home deposit etc so extremely difficult to make a clear judgement

It taught me I have to pay my way in life, that life isn’t free. I got an absolute bargain because it was more of a token amount than anything comparable to the market rent rates, and it came with food & laundry. I learnt that you have to pay your rent and mortgage even when you go on holiday, something I was gobsmacked about 😂
I also learnt that I could move out if I thought it was a bad deal, but actually, I couldn’t afford better at the time.

My parents benefitted from a little help here and there when they needed it. Suddenly the washing machine breaking wasn’t a disaster for them. But they mainly tucked it away and gifted it back to me when I moved out. They wouldn’t have been able to give me anything to help me get started, so it served us all a great purpose.

My parents never charged a penny whilst in education or on an apprenticeship.

I think by not charging your adult children rent (whether you return it to them later or not) you are really doing them a disservice.
I have seen so many young (and not so young) people leave home and immediately fail because they don't really understand that everything has to be paid for or how to budget. They are so used to having their whole wages to fund their lifestyle and it not really mattering if they pay late or overspend because their well intentioned parents always step in. Then suddenly they are expected to pay, on time, for everything. They just can't do it.
It's your job as a parent to prepare your child to be independent not to protect them from reality.

Do you see yourself as having failed in your life? And you think paying a bit of rent was the cause of this?

How do cultures that don't charge rent manage then? My parents never charged me a penny and I am v frugal. Admittedly I didn't live with them for long.

Both my children paid between £200 & £300 towards the rent, bills & food, but only once they were out of full time education, working full time and my tax credits & child benefit stopped. I sat them down and showed them exactly what I paid out every month and they both agreed that they were getting a good deal and also knew what bills they would be expected to pay and roughly how much once they left home.
If I could have afforded to save it all for them and give it back, believe me I would have.

Definitely had a bit of a rags to riches story. Was meant to be taught responsibility but didn’t learn anything about real finances until much later on. From there I vowed never to be that broke again. Mixed with sheer luck as well

Why isn't she paying her own phone bill ? She can clearly afford it of she's blowing all her money, I mean its obviously no one else's bussiness but she can pay her phone at a minimum surely?

Staggered at the wilful ignorance.
Yes there are people around the world much worse off than here in the UK, but don't be so blase about real poverty in the UK.
It has nothing to do with owning a phone.

Many families find themselves well below the poverty line and struggle, for various reasons including illness, disabilities, plain old bad luck.

You need to educate yourself before posting such pompous uncaring attitudes!

If you take over £7.5k in board from kids I think you have to declare and pay tax.

We rent. Housing benefit assumes that if adults are in the property, even if they are your kids, they are contributing. If the adult child doesn't do that then we couldn't afford food! It teaches your kids that when you are an adult you have to take responsibility for where you live and how you live. It's much much cheaper to live with us than to get their own place even a HMO.

It depends on finances. Some parents lose benefits or maintenance when dc is 18 and them living at home costs money - food, showers etc.
I don’t think it’s necessarily helpful to yp to live at home rent free indefinitely. They tend to get used to spending all their income or taking expensive car loans etc.
If you are an adult earning a wage then paying your way or contributing is a good life lesson.
If parent can afford to give back then so be it but it shouldn’t be expected.

Council tax or council rent?

council rent doesn’t go up when people living there hit a certain age. The rent is for the property, not related to the people in it.