Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

@User788889 Sorry, I'm not sure I follow then?

I think you said you had to pay rent when you worked, before aged 18 and you don't believe in parents charging kids board/rent (even if earning money) as it sets them up for failure.

But at the same time you said you have had a bit of a rags to riches life?
So how has your parents charging you board/rent caused you to fail? I'm assuming the rags to riches suggest you've done rather well?

Not unreasonable if they are no longer in education and have joined the working world or they are claiming universal credit as unemployed.

It’s definitely a privilege to not have to charge your child board. I had to pay as an 18 year old in education with a part-time job as DM worked minimum wage in social care.

May I ask what culture you're from?
It most definitely happens in lots of other cultures, including Scandinavia.

Because this is their time to do that? Because many of their parents were lucky enough to do that when they were 20 too?
Because it’s a bit weird to drag a 20 year old down to the drudge and responsibility of 50 year old parents when they’re in the prime of their lives?!

We started charging DC a nominal rent once each finished full time education and was settled into full time work.

We don't need the money but it's the only way to instil some financial awareness in them that household bills need to be paid and they need to budget accordingly. It's not onerous and both were able to save a lot on top of their rent contributions.

Both perfectly happy to pay it. In fact, DD offered it before we mentioned it and wanted to pay more than we asked for.

We gave DD all her contributions back to her when she moved into her own flat but she didn't know we were going to do it beforehand. Plan to do the same for DS when he moves out, but have asked DD not to tell him as we don't want him to stop the saving!

I own my house outright and don't ask for 'rent'. If it were rented then yes I would expect a contribution from a working adult dc.

Ds1 works in a job well above min wage. He pays me for his phone (family contract since he was 10), dental (private dentist who charges for kids over 18), increase in council tax from my single discount, £30 a month gas because he is in the shower so long each day! , and £100 a month for food
There is nothing there that doesn't come under the header 'working adult paying their own way'.

He also is paying me £100 a month towards my car that we now share. But I'll sign that over to him when what he's paid equals current value.
I know many adults who take it for granted that others will always pick up the tab. My sons aren't going to be among them.

I think the one thing people should ensure before having kids is that they are financially stable.

It’s two different things though, isn’t it? Being able to support a child, and continuing to fully pay for an adult? I read something a while ago that said the average age a UK adult moves out of the family home is 25. I think that was in 2023, so I can’t imagine it’s gotten much younger. I can think of two families where their ‘children’ are coming up to 40, and are still living in the family home. My husband’s uncle never left, he took over his mother’s house when she died. At which point would you expect an adult to start a pay their way?

I think it's a British thing as I have never heard of this elsewhere.
Really?
When my Dad was a teenager in the 1940's, his mother only served Sunday meat to those handing over a weekly token.
It's common in Ireland too.

One of mine lives at home and works full time. He has more disposable income than I do. He pays a modest contribution to the running and cost of the house, which is about half what a room in a shared house locally would cost.

Why would I not show to a grown adult that living costs, and that having him in the house means more food, more gas and electric, a faster broadband than I would pay for, increased council tax (that alone is extra £52 a month as I lose the single occupant discount...), he is on my car insurance (+£40 a month more) to save him running his own car and more.

He currently saves £1k+ a month towards a house deposit, and next year he will be able to buy and move out at age 23 - hopefully understanding what a house costs to own and run.

His brother is a student. I give him money each month, even when he comes back at holidays and undertakes work at local hotel full time. As a student, he needs that support, and cannot work enough hours himself without significant debt or to the detriment of his studies. As soon as he graduates, he has one month to a) get a job and b) pay me what his brother does, if he moves back in.

@Shitshower as my post says I’m not talking about changing in circumstances outside of people’s control. I’m sorry you went through that. I can’t imagine.

I also don’t think I said that people who charged their kids rent shouldn’t have had them. I said I wouldn’t/wont charge them rent

my parents didn’t have the “cushion of being well off” and I wasn’t charged for rent and I appreciated it. That’s my view and perspective, which was the OP was asking for people’s opinions - each to their own.

I think it's not a one size fits all.

My parents never charged me - in fact when I moved out they paid for everything while I was studying FT.

I hope I'll be in a position to do the same for my kids. If I'm not then I'll ask them to contribute, but I really hope I'll be able to support them.

This said, if they're really irresponsible with money, charging them can be a good way to help them be more financially aware. Or if they're 30 and don't want to move out 😂 actually I think I wouldn't mind that so long as they're healthy and happy and have long term plans to move out at some point.

Yeah my dad had the same in Ireland. Only he was told if he didn’t pay it they would rent the room to an actual lodger so he had to go out and work at 16, taking an apprenticeship as a builder.

he was very academically talented and had won a scholarship to a prestigious school which his parents loved for the accolade, then after he’d done all the academics inc Latin they pulled him out at 16 to work.
His path had been focused at university by the school but they didn’t fancy that when it meant paying for him to live at home.

he could’ve achieved amazing things in a professional role and created generational wealth. But mum wanted her rent so out to a dangerous dirty job he went…..

Just want to add it's perfectly reasonable to get a contribution from adult working DC to the household and spend it on bills where it is needed. DC need to know the realities of family finances. We are lucky that we don't need their contribution and can eventually give them the money back. Many people aren't that lucky.

She was under 18 when the contract started and we both have to go to the EE shop together to have it changed over. Given that she spends approximately ten minutes a month in my company means that this is impossible. So the ‘rent’ that I charge her covers what I’m paying for her phone and about ten pound a week for the food that she asks for and I end up chucking out because she’s never here.

I think it depends on the circumstances really. If you have a child who is working hard, good at saving themselves and is saving for their future and you can afford to not take money fair enough.

If you have a child who is blowing every penny and not saving to ever move out, I'd understand taking "rent", and saving it for their future if you can afford to.

If you are struggling financially yourself and your adult child's costing you money whilst living there. I don't see why they shouldn't contribute if they are working.

Charging rent at 17 is quite young though but how do you know they aren't saving it. No one knows that except them. Even the 17 year old may not know.

Yup. Don’t speak to my parents anymore but not for the sole reason of charging rent lol. Believe me I probably started off poorer than the average, parents made terrible decisions especially financially. I paid rent happily. While we were broke though they did go on many holidays alone and never stopped having kids they couldn’t afford of course. Why give 1 kid everything when you can give loads of kids nothing, right? Safe to say I’m in a comfortable position in spite of them rather than because of them. What I do know about them is they are still renting like their parents rented. I was the first person in my family to own a house. My kids will inherit mine.

Personally I would charge the 19 year old but without telling them put the money into a savings account to ensure that at least some of their money is really going towards a deposit!

My GF did this to my DM. He didn't need her money but told her university was wasted on women.

Or as I say bed and board. I think even if it’s €20 a week it’s about teaching them there’s a cost to living and when they are earning they need to contribute

This is what I mean. I have found in my experience people who were helped financially in their late teens early 20s naturally went on to do amazing things. Jeff bezos mom gave him 300k. While that is extreme, people find it so bizarre to help out their adult children. But do they really want them to be as poor as they are?

I'm guessing you are well off @User788889. This is very common in working class families. I paid my way as soon as I left higher education and had a full time job. It wasn't loads but it gave me responsibility for paying my own way and got me used to the idea that I had to budget to pay for living expenses as well as social life etc.

That's a pretty broad generalisation and I suspect has more to do with socioeconomic status than asking your kids for keep or not.

I think you fail to realise that the problem with unforeseen circumstances is they are unforeseen. I did not see my husband being a waste of oxygen and running off with someone else when our children were 1 and 3 and hasn’t been seen since (20 years). Paid £20 a month child support. Did anyone see the pandemic happening and the financial Criss that caused? To make claims that parents needing to charge their children rent are deliberately making their children’s lives harder is short sighted because it’s not avoidable for everyone. If I didn’t charge my children rent we would lose our home and have bailiffs knocking on the door. Being homeless would undoubtedly disadvantage them more than paying minimal rent.

if you can afford to save their rent for them then consider yourself privileged to be able to do that and still live/provide a comfortable life.

That’s very nice, but won’t they end up staying with you longer than necessary because they don’t think they’ve saved enough to move out, even though they have?