Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

If "children" + 18 yo complain paying expenses at home they can go to pay their own place. Really not an issue.

@Jyrrfpgw well yes, obviously, unless I'd sunk my capital into the property in the first pace ie to add a granny flat. If I'd done that then I guess just an amount for food and bills (old bones take a lot of heating).

Edited punctuation

I’m a single parent to 3 adult DCs. Once they left education and got jobs they were all earning more than me. Not quite enough to move out and buy their own houses, but proper salaries (one of them is on £50k in their early 20s.).

You really think that contributing a few hundred to the household costs is unreasonable? They’ve always paid a couple of hundred - they decided the revised amount themselves when they got a pay rise, and while I’d love to put it in a savings account for them, its necessary for the running of a household. With monthly expenses of around £2.5 having my DCs contribute around 1/4 of that between them while still being able to save thousands for their own future seems totally appropriate to me. I’d love to be able to afford not to need it, but that’s life. It will still be a shock when they move out and have to pay for everything themselves. And I’ll downsize so that I don’t need their contribution.

So what? Firstly, the rising cost of living, coupled with stagnant wages, means that many young adults are spending a disproportionate amount of their income on rent, leaving little for savings or investments. Secondly, the financial burden of student loans and other debts has increased, making it harder for young adults to afford basic necessities, let alone rent. And this will only get worst so it’s vital they prepare for a rainy day.

And many parents are working on minimum wage and the kids earning more

Cold as ice. At least they know they can always fall back on their caring mommy if things go wrong.

I would expect to contribute towards living expenses, yes.

"Preparing for a rainy day" is what happens after your basic needs are met. And before lots of fashionable new clothes, the latest smartphone and your social life.

Of course. I’d expect to pay to cover my food and the extra bills.

It's not rent it's a contribution to the household. DH was earning more than his dad a short while into his first job. I wouldn't expect anyone in full time education or studying and working part time to contribute but if someone has left education and not in an apprenticeship or training scheme and full time in the working world then they should contribute.

We have paid dc1 though university and paying dc2 though these years. Dc3 later then she is older.
They won't have loans to pay after graduating.
If they return home living on a full time wage they will be asked to pay, yes. Cool as ice.

Realistic I would say.

My kids complained at the time. They laugh about it now and freely admit that they were expectant little brats who had no idea of the cost of living!

I’m offering a different perspective. If I change someone’s mind about not charging their 17 year old who’s in full time education (like my sister and I we’re ) rent then it doesn’t better my life. But it might benefit the child. Some posts have changed my mind on certain things which is good too.

Talk to him. Sometimes young people can be self absorbed. Tell him you’re struggling but in a calm way. It’s normal to get frustrated and as a result, heated however he will just see it as a personal attack. I’m sure he loves you guys dearly and wouldn’t want you to struggle.

When my child turns 18/19 I’ll lose child benefit and child element of UC and my council tax will go up as I’ll lose my single person discount.

Basically my money will go down as my bills go up!

I’m already struggling to get by each month. I private rent and the cost is phenomenal against what I earn.

I’d say more than 50% of my electric consumption is my sons usage, using his xbox for long periods (forgetting to turn it / his tv off when he goes out / overnight), leaving lights on all the time, taking 30 minute long showers everyday, cooking food in-between meals etc. Whereas I’m always at work, I limit showers to 10 mins tops, if I’m home I’m either cleaning up mess I didn’t make or sleeping, I probably watch a couple of hours tv a day if I’m not too tired.

I’d say more than 50% of the food bill is spent on him as he wants / needs loads of fruit and snacks as he never stops eating. He needs stuff for breakfasts & lunch whereas I frequently go without either.

So yes, as an earning adult he will absolutely have to start paying something towards his upkeep because the alternative is him moving out so I can downsize and cut my bills in half to make up for what I’ll lose and I’m fairly certain that’ll cost a hell of a lot more than the few hundred quid I’ll charge him to stay at home and cover the amount being lost / the increase in council tax caused by him becoming an adult.

I think you are absolutely right, it is morally wrong. I know people in their mid 20's that can now purchase a property because their parents did not profiter from them the second they earned a wage. So they could save up a deposit. Long term it is much better to not look at children as potential cash cows so they are not dossing around and struggling from 30's onwards. A lot of parents are too short sighted to see that.

Whose charging a school child to live in their own home?

Again you are in a very privileged position to be able to think like that maybe just try and imagine that not everyone is as privileged as you and doesn't have the same income and just cannot afford afford to keep a fully grown working adult for free whist struggling with bills themselves

Not prepared? He is taking the piss and you seem happy to let him.

Or we could concider parents aren't meant to be cash cows for grown up kids with a full time wage.

Good for you if you can afford it. A lot of parents 2025 can't.

This is my approach

My mum did when she stayed with me for a few months. She was getting far more than me with her civil service and state pensions, and I was a single mum, so yes she did contribute. It went towards the food bill.

I don’t think anyone is saying take most of their working adult kid’s wages so they are shackled to the family home forever.

If you have decent adult working children living at home then there should be no conflict when you tell them a reasonable contribution to the household would be appreciated.

I would offer to contribute towards the extra cost of me being there...whether DD would accept is up to her, but I'd have no problems handing over a % of my pension. Why would I?