Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

I think this is such an oppressive mindset. People assume that being privileged is bad. It’s literally giving them the upper hand in life. Why does that have negative connotations? Isn’t setting your kids up the goal? Yes, you can give them a head start in life and they still be great people. My friends who have had inheritance and loads of parental assistance in their younger years are lovely, kind, and stress free people. Money struggles are not something anyone wants to face, been there, done that. So the people saying that they help their kids by not charging them rent or giving them money towards a deposit are saving the children a lot of trouble when they are older.

In your own personal case, just how are your kids? I’m directing this post specifically at late teens early 20s. More specifically a 17 year old…

You are doing them a favour! I was moved out at 20 once I met my DH. And they are engaged as well. Perfect incentive for going out on their own. I’m sure they’re very grateful for your help. And also they should be cleaning up! You’re not a maid.

My parents took lodgers & charged me a lightly discounted commercial rate.

(They’d been given the house on marriage but neither worked much at that point.)

There’s a difference between ‘independence’ and ‘unsupported’.

No one talking about the age in OPs post? 17!

of course adult children earning should contribute. But a 17yo is in f/t education and even if they do have a p/t job that should be for them.

26 hours a week plus fulltime at college, wow he's busy. Does he manage to get all his coursework done ok?
At 17 you'll still be getting CB too. How much is he saving a month?

I agree. I was in full time education and on the weekend I had a part time job. During the summer, I had two in order to contribute to bills and rent. It was a lot. Needless to say, I struggled massively to get my assignment done in time and spent majority of my studies stressed.

Yes some people keep talking about 'cut off points'. Well teens at school, college or uni or even in f/t work should surely not pay imo. If they're still living at home in their 20s in established well paid jobs then that is very different. I'd still never charge personally <and we are not privileged> but in that situation I accept some people do.

I think it is the word 'rent' that is the problem. If you change that to 'contribute to expenses' it makes more sense. If a 'child' is earning and the parents aren't massively well off then yes, I think they should contribute to expenses. The amount should vary according to the child's income and the parents' need. I wouldn't do it until the child was 18 though.

Another reason for doing it is to instil some sense of financial responsibility in the child. If you never have to pay your own way then it is very difficult to learn how to budget. Some parents save their children's 'rent' to give to them when they (eventually) leave home. Others are not in a position to do that.

I think it is a very sensible thing to ask for a contribution to expenses if your child is earning.

Yes if they work and have sufficient earnings really. In my view.

My relative has two adult dc (mid 20s) living at home. They’ve chosen to work two shifts a week and enjoy socialising and hobbies whilst my relative, single parent, works long hours. I would charge them rent if they were my dc.

In my family, we promote teamwork not martyrdom. Adult child with a decent full time income and a fancy car? Why would I be covering all his costs?! I work as many hours as he does, as does my husband. We do the majority of the chores and charge a pittance, but I take a token amount from him on principle and expect him to cook a meal at least once a week. Teen is a part time student with a part time job who prefers a lift to work rather than taking the bus. He’ll get a few months’ grace then he’ll be chipping on a few quid (and I mean a tiny amount) because he can and therefore he should

Even the government expect non dependent adults to contribute towards the rent in a household when assessing benefits. Of course they should then contribute towards the other bills and food.

I understand that perspective. My aunt has 2 designated children: one is 40 the other 37. They both still live in her house rent free and only pay for their own food. Meanwhile she works ridiculous hours at 60, loans them money often, has spoon fed them their whole lives and yet they still can’t get a foot in the door. Without going into any more details, they have made horrible choices throughout their lives.

Not to mention they are blatantly taking advantage of her and she is enabling them to do so. Her babying them is more detrimental than helpful at this point but some kids will just never grow up, and some parents will never let them.

Yes surely this should be the benchmark. I wouldn’t take money from a teen’s paper round, but a 20 something in a full time job then yes of course a contribution is not unreasonable.

Changed your mind then? That maybe yes, parents should charge their children?

Sigh. I knew someone would make this comment lol. There’s a huge difference between a 40 year old and a 17 year old. It’s not even worth my time trying to explain it if anyone disagrees.

Be very careful you don't swing too far the other way - you could end up with very spoilt entitled bratty children if you enable them too much because of the chip on your own shoulder about your upbringing. I think them paying rent is a good idea to teach them how to budget and how to hold responsibility but then give them it back in the form of a house deposit later on is a lovely thing to do if you can afford it. I'm also a rags to riches story and have been known to spoil my kids but I'll definitely be charging them rent once they're older and then matching it and saving it all up for their deposits without them knowing.

I agree with you about the 17 yr old but this thread (although yours) has become a general talking point about adult kids contributing (or not).

Fair point. I’ll make my stance very clear in case I am confusing anyone. I believe parents should be teaching kids to be financially literate from before they step into the working world. We can’t expect schools to teach them the ins and outs but they don’t, therefore as parents it is our jobs. If my kids are working and living with me or simply in education, I will be helping them save for a house deposit- whether that be not charging them board or helping them budget if they are bad with money. After 30, they should’ve received enough support and something has gone seriously wrong if they are not on their feet.

I understand that many of the older generation would’ve charged their kids rent. That does not mean I’m right and you’re wrong or vice versa. I do think it’s relevant that buying a house in the UK today is significantly more expensive compared to the past, with house prices rising much faster than salaries. It’s harder than ever before for kids to get on the property ladder and if parents think they’re struggling and living from pay check to pay check, how do you think you’re kids will ever do any better? Generational curses rarely do get broken after all.

I know! Why on earth can't people understand the difference between teens at college/uni/first jobs just coverng their own costs clothes etc not pay towards their parents bills as opposed to a 30yr old earning 40k whilst their single parent works 70hrs a week to keep them living at home rent free .

Is it setting them back if it helps teach them to be financially responsible? If they’re earning and spending tonnes of money and not saving, going out into the world after living at home will be a shock.

I think it depends on the child, what they’re doing - in education vs working, and their level of responsibility, and of course the family’s financial position.

@Janiie When you say "the parents' bills" do you mean the household bills? Last time I checked, my adult children are part of the household too! I certainly don't expect a contribution towards my mortgage, but the tiny amount my eldest contributes monthly doesn't even cover his food for one week.

Why can't you undestsn̈d that some parents lose hundreds of pounds a month when their kids leave college and are on .a low wage anyway and can't afford to keep their full time working offspring ,wether its a first time job or not?

Whereas I find your own mindset “oppressive”, when you think that a parent needs to sacrifice the rest of their life to provide for children who are quite capable of paying their own way, and would prefer to squander their money on the latest gadgets. But each to their own. There’s nothing wrong with being privileged unless it means that you are blind to others who are not as lucky as you are, and try to make them feel “less” because they don’t have the choices you do.

Well, what's your cut off then? You mentioned "young adults"

At what point is the adult taking the kiss?

18? 35?