Page 28 | Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

User788889 · 2025-02-14T10:31:44+00:00

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

suburburban · 15/02/2025 22:17

It was the norm in dms generation

suburburban · 15/02/2025 22:17

Rhaenys · 15/02/2025 21:06

I think I token amount is fine, but I don’t think they should be paying market rates. Some parents do take the piss.

Yes that's my approach

Anon501178 · 15/02/2025 22:22

RadStag · 14/02/2025 22:50

Aubergines and Eggplants.... It's the same thing really. Contribution to the costs you're incurring. Call it rent /house keeping/board ... It's the same.

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Not really as housekeeping would be more paying a contribution towards household bills.Calling it 'rent' or 'board' makes it sound like some formal and impersonal landlord or lodger arrangement IMO

BMW6 · 15/02/2025 22:23

Lentilweaver · 15/02/2025 21:46

I find this pretty awful unless there's a back story.😮

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The 60's were very hard. The country was very much still fucked after WW2 and if you think there's poverty now you wouldn't believe how very much worse it was then for a huge percentage of the population.

My family were very poor - couldn't afford new shoes or repairs so cardboard lining if the soles wore through. Coats on beds as not enough blankets. Asking if I could have a slice of bread and being told No as it was needed for breakfast.

I can easily believe the posters mum needed every single penny she could scrape together

BunnyLake · 15/02/2025 22:40

Lentilweaver · 15/02/2025 21:46

I find this pretty awful unless there's a back story.😮

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The back story is it was 1960. Watch a kitchen sink drama from then and you’ll get a good insight (I recommend A Taste of Honey or Up The Junction) It’s a whole thread on it’s own really. Love a good KS.

BunnyLake · 15/02/2025 22:41

Anon501178 · 15/02/2025 22:22

Not really as housekeeping would be more paying a contribution towards household bills.Calling it 'rent' or 'board' makes it sound like some formal and impersonal landlord or lodger arrangement IMO

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I don’t like the term rent or board either. I call it a contribution. My son contributes 10% of his salary.

HoppityBun · 15/02/2025 22:52

User788889 · 14/02/2025 12:50

Ignorant? Hello pot, I’m kettle. Nothing I said there was wrong. Poverty has nothing to do with owning a phone? People don’t even own shoes. Look how pompous you are! You consider yourself a victim when you have access to free healthcare, which half of the world (half of 7 BILLION people) don’t have access to any. And UK is one of the few countries with free healthcare at that. You need education. There is someone worst off than you while you type on mumsnet and the fact that you think you are so unfortunate actually shows how ungrateful people have become.

I think the one thing people should ensure before having kids is that they are financially stable. Yes this means preparing for a rainy day. In some cases this might not always be the case but it should be standard. But more often than not people bring kids into their struggling lives to struggle with them because it’s “unconditional love” or “they’ll make it work.” It’s the truth that no one likes to hear but if I was to say I was going to have a baby with nothing to my name than how is that not problematic? This is not the case for people with unexpected illnesses and who are left by their spouse btw.

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It isn’t free! It’s free at the point of use. Who do you think pays for it? I think if anyone needs education then it’s you. Are you really unaware of the current issues with funding public services?

Kneeboobs · 15/02/2025 23:45

GrumpyWombat · 15/02/2025 19:44

Don’t feel shit, I would have to do the same! She would no doubt have to pay more if she was living in halls x

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Thank you,yes she would definitely.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 15/02/2025 23:50

I think it's a valuable lesson.

There should be no guilt involved.

My children are not under any illusion that money is no object, they are aware that we have to save for things.

That you need to cover the basics before treats.

I grew up in a similar home and felt proud handing over a contribution to the household once I started working. I doubt it covered much.

Yoonimum · 16/02/2025 00:54

DS earns and pays £500 board pcm. He is tall and sporty so eats 5 large, protein based meals a day - he gets through a lot of food. He's had trouble budgeting in the past when he lived away from home. Pretending home life is free and subsidising him would be doing him no favours at all. He's matured since he's come back home and his life skills have improved with our support. He does his own laundry, some cooking and is finally helping with the housework without being prompted! Some young adults are ready to go it alone at 18-19 but he definitely wasn't despite our best efforts to prepare him. He appreciates both that we bailed him out previously and that he is getting a good deal at home on lots of levels. Everyone is happy.

Literallywingingit · 16/02/2025 02:04

I lived at home until I was much older than most. I could never have sat back and watched my parents go to work and pay for everything to run a house whilst I kept all my wages . When I got pay rises I gave them extra. When I eventually moved out I was shocked at the actual costs involved to run a house and felt extremely grateful to my mum and dad for subsidising my living costs for so long.

mastercheat · 16/02/2025 02:09

JustMeAndTheFish · 15/02/2025 20:20

My three children did boomerang a bit after various uni degrees and if they were at home and working they paid rent. It was minimal.. iro £25 per week maybe 10 years ago but it gave them the idea that living isn’t free. They are all now homeowners.
On the other hand a friend let her daughter and boyfriend live totally rent and bills free in their house whilst they were abroad and said daughter now has no savings and no house deposit as they got used to having everything paid for them. I know which I would prefer.

I’m not allowing co-habitating. Ds has a long term boyfriend - he can stay at the weekends but if they want to live together they get a flat. And I’m not allowing moving in by stealth either. Boyfriend is not allowed to stay over during the week - we need space.

A few posters have said their kids didn’t ask to be born - I thought the only people who said this were 14 year olds - I’m amazed that some adults continue to think it - are these the adults who still have expectations that their elderly parents owe them houses? Ah yes - the theme of the thread.😁

Reallyneedsaholiday · 16/02/2025 02:17

You sound extremely privileged and so are your children, but they also need to learn to live in the real world. When our children left education and started earning, we took the equivalent of “child benefit” from them, to help towards their keep. We also took £50/ month and saved it for them. The next year, we took an additional £50 and increased it by £50 each year. At some point they decide it’s cheaper to move out and they’ve got a decent nest egg behind them.
But I see no reason why I should work 3 jobs to financially support adult children, who earn more than I do, and I’m not prepared to tell them that they no longer have a home with me, if they want it.

BooneyBeautiful · 16/02/2025 02:44

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 14/02/2025 11:01

In my experience parents almost never ask for anything that should be called 'rent' because it is a small proportion of a market rent would be, and includes food, utilities and often lifts which a paying tenant would have cover as well. They tend to ask for a small contribution to household expenses which is quite reasonable once the young person is earning, and may not even cover the cost of feeding them.
I think it's very confusing to call this 'rent' because it implies a commercial transaction which is simply not happening.

I agree. I always call it 'housekeeping' and I never charged my DC any more than the amount it actually cost to keep them. I also never charged them when they went on holiday for a week or two as they weren't using any of the amenities here. That also meant that when they moved out, I didn't miss the extra income.

mastercheat · 16/02/2025 03:31

Personal responsibility - adulting, call it what you will - cleaning up after yourself and paying for the “boring” things - there were always the entitled kids at uni who did neither - left a mess in the bathroom and kitchen and felt it was ok for them to take other’s washing powder, milk, bread, olive oil etc. I wonder where they picked up that attitude that they should have to pay for stuff from?

Izzabellasasperella · 16/02/2025 04:14

Threads like this make me feel sad and guilty.
My young adults dd (25) her fiance(26) and ds((22) all live with us. They pay £220 each pcm.
We rent our house from my Mum so way below market rent but the utilities are high.
Five adults in one house is not cheap.
I wish I could save it and gift them the money for a house deposit but dh and I don't have the income to do that.
I do think though that it does teach them to budget and actually they've got a good deal, A one bed flat round here would be £650 before adding bills and general living expenses.
I do love living all together though. Now if I could just get them to tidy up and do more laundry that would be great😀😀

LBFseBrom · 16/02/2025 05:41

Izzabellasasperella · 16/02/2025 04:14

Threads like this make me feel sad and guilty.
My young adults dd (25) her fiance(26) and ds((22) all live with us. They pay £220 each pcm.
We rent our house from my Mum so way below market rent but the utilities are high.
Five adults in one house is not cheap.
I wish I could save it and gift them the money for a house deposit but dh and I don't have the income to do that.
I do think though that it does teach them to budget and actually they've got a good deal, A one bed flat round here would be £650 before adding bills and general living expenses.
I do love living all together though. Now if I could just get them to tidy up and do more laundry that would be great😀😀

I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty, Izzabella, £220 per month (I presume that is inclusive of share of utilities and food), is very reasonable and I I am sure all of them are well looked after for that sum.

As you said, a one bed flat would cost £650 pcm (£1,200 near me), and there would be bills and food on top of that.

They definitely should tidy and do their laundry though, try to insist, it won't hurt them.

If people are well off it's a different of course but you don't have the income to support them, definitely not three of them. I think they have a good deal and I'm sure they realise that. They should be able to save a reasonable amount for deposit on their own homes eventually.

Izzabellasasperella · 16/02/2025 06:45

@LBFseBrom Thank you.

Loveperiod · 16/02/2025 07:25

Whether he is saving for a home or not it is not beneficial long term to him u are teaching him to take and not always in the form of money. Bad lessons ppl must learn to appreciate where they are regardless how little they pay and pay they must coz long run u are breeding entitlement behaviour

RadStag · 16/02/2025 07:31

My colleague has to pay all his household bills AND his parents household bills, and they don't even live in the same house. It's a cultural expectation

KmcK87 · 16/02/2025 08:05

Izzabellasasperella · 16/02/2025 04:14

Threads like this make me feel sad and guilty.
My young adults dd (25) her fiance(26) and ds((22) all live with us. They pay £220 each pcm.
We rent our house from my Mum so way below market rent but the utilities are high.
Five adults in one house is not cheap.
I wish I could save it and gift them the money for a house deposit but dh and I don't have the income to do that.
I do think though that it does teach them to budget and actually they've got a good deal, A one bed flat round here would be £650 before adding bills and general living expenses.
I do love living all together though. Now if I could just get them to tidy up and do more laundry that would be great😀😀

Absolutely no need to feel guilty! Presuming they are all working full time, what they’ll have left after giving you £220 per month is more than enough to live AND save to move out.

suburburban · 16/02/2025 08:08

Izzabellasasperella · 16/02/2025 04:14

Threads like this make me feel sad and guilty.
My young adults dd (25) her fiance(26) and ds((22) all live with us. They pay £220 each pcm.
We rent our house from my Mum so way below market rent but the utilities are high.
Five adults in one house is not cheap.
I wish I could save it and gift them the money for a house deposit but dh and I don't have the income to do that.
I do think though that it does teach them to budget and actually they've got a good deal, A one bed flat round here would be £650 before adding bills and general living expenses.
I do love living all together though. Now if I could just get them to tidy up and do more laundry that would be great😀😀

That's what ds pays as well. He earns more than I do and pays for a music subscription for me and has Netflix.

suburburban · 16/02/2025 08:09

RadStag · 16/02/2025 07:31

My colleague has to pay all his household bills AND his parents household bills, and they don't even live in the same house. It's a cultural expectation

I don't agree with that at all

restingbitchface30 · 16/02/2025 08:15

x2boys · 15/02/2025 20:27

It doesn't
Can I ask ( I'm being serious) whst your son does to earn nearly a £1000 in a part time job ,I have an 18b year old I would live him to be aa committed.

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He works 26 hours a week at Asda. Even though he’s only 17 he’s on over £12 an hour which is great. With college he’s doing 42 hours a week but he’s just cracking on.

JustMeAndTheFish · 16/02/2025 08:16

mastercheat · 16/02/2025 02:09

I’m not allowing co-habitating. Ds has a long term boyfriend - he can stay at the weekends but if they want to live together they get a flat. And I’m not allowing moving in by stealth either. Boyfriend is not allowed to stay over during the week - we need space.

A few posters have said their kids didn’t ask to be born - I thought the only people who said this were 14 year olds - I’m amazed that some adults continue to think it - are these the adults who still have expectations that their elderly parents owe them houses? Ah yes - the theme of the thread.😁

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Not sure why you’re quoting me? My children didn’t co-habit with boyfriends in my house? And as far as I know my offspring are very happy to be here and are fully enjoying life.
i was merely pointing out that what some parents consider to be “helping” can be counter productive in the long term.