Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

Some people can afford. Some physically cannot. Why has the thread gone on this long?

Because you probably don’t realise how smug some of you are coming across.

There are posters actually saying “I wouldn’t dream of asking my (working adult) kids for keep, as if asking is some kind of parenting failure and an abomination.

Why is it so beyond some posters understanding that asking for keep does not equal poor parenting and not asking does not equal good parenting?

Which is absolutely true but there is no doubt some on here who don’t ask are giving themselves such massive slaps on the back about it and feeling mighty superior.

I know you can afford to keep fully grown adults without taking a single penny from them i also know, you o don't appear to understand that often low earners can receive universal credit and was under the assumption that parents only lost their child benefit at most when their kids left education.

I think because some of you are patronising with your opinions.

You particularly, as I recall have “advised” me not to stop my daughter going to Uni due to not being able to afford it, and have used the word “apparently” to describe my circumstances.

So those of us who are getting so angry as we are told how we are profiting off our kids (or expecting them to “top us up” or “pay our bills” as I believe you have said) are getting frustrated by a few people who appear to have no idea of other people’s reality.

But it’s their opinion so let them have it. Some people do charge rent, some don’t. If you categorically know you’re a good parent, why are you getting so worked up? Other people’s thoughts and feelings are out of your control; it’s madness trying to police their opinions. I recommend the Let Them theory by Mel Robbins.

And let me have my opinion thank you.

Lol 😁 I will not be be reading your book recommendation but thank you for the thought.

You seem offended though; you should try not to take it personal. I’m sure you’re a great mom and there’s nothing wrong with doing what you think is best for your family. After all, it’s your family. People are allowed different opinions. Lastly, don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. It’s a great book and I think we can all benefit from it to not take things so personal. Let bygones be bygones now. This thread has gone on long enough.

But no one has said any of those things, are you projecting a bit?

What has been said is bills remain the same/only slightly elevated whether they are at home or not and some people's priorities are getting them saving to get on the property ladder. One of ours is at home studying but working part-time at the moment. I can categorically say we are better off now than when they were at college with all the school dinners/nights out etc to pay for. They buy their own clothes that also save a small fortune. It is swings and roundabouts.

My DS is 25 and lives in a flat I own in London, with a friend. I charge both of them rent. I think it is important he knows that it costs to keep a roof over your head. I’m not charging them market rate though. They have a nice 2 bed flat in zone 2 for the price of a shitty room in a shared house in zone 3.

He’s working though. He is thinking about going back to uni to do a masters and if he does I won’t charge him rent (but he will have to get a job to maintain himself)

Look back over your history of comments, and my replies. I think you will find you did say that

My water bills were massive because my son would take very long showers every day despite me asking him to reduce them (teen who got interested in girls so was forever sprucing himself up). When he went to uni my water bill dropped like a stone. I went from being hundreds in deficit to being in credit.

As a single parent you also lose the reduced property tax once they leave education regardless of whether they have a job.

My 18 year old DS works full time, earning £13.50 an hour.
When he made the decision not to stay in college, he knew he'd have to cover the cost of the benefits I lost from him leaving education.

He's still having, as he puts it,the time of his life and-big bonus,we can afford to put the eating on and eat and stuff!

Yes they have. A poster said they wouldn’t ‘dream’ of asking their adult child for money for board.

I paid money to my parents once I started working full-time, it wasn't equivalent to what I'd have paid for my own place, but probably covered food and bill share. I have other friends whose parents were better off than we were and they also paid money to their parents, but when they were ready to leave home their parents gave them back their "rent" paid, to go towards a deposit/furnishings etc. I always thought that was a great way to do it - they got into the habit of setting a sum aside, and benefitted later. If I were in a position to to that for my children, I would, and I'd see it as part of my responsibility as a parent to prepare them for 'real life'.

It's never too early to teach them
As a single parent on a low wage I always gave DD the choice of something along the lines of "we could go to the park and get a treat afterwards or we could do (paid activity), but there will be no money for a treat after". When we went on holiday she would have a daily amount to spend as she wished but once it was gone then that was it (obviously I would buy food/drink but not any sweets/tat that she had her eye on). She always brought some of her holiday money home because she was careful how she spent it. She still bought a lot of tat home as well though. 😁

Lol I’m not offended 😁 I agree it’s gone on too long. I’m actually watching a re-run of I Love Lucy so trust me I’m not sitting here in some kind of seething fury 😁

I certainly wouldn’t. How did the poor parents struggle on for so long, 18 years, to now need to get their kids to pay ‘rent’. It’s an incredibly sad state of affairs.

As I've learn through my time on Mumsnet, child benefits

It's been around since at least 2009.

http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=1407

That’s like yesterday to me 😄

🙄

Same 😂 not it's definitely not a new phrase

Would be interesting to see the responses if there had been a thread saying

“I am 22 years old and still live at home. I bring home £1,900 per month and now my mum is asking for £250 a month for my keep. I think she is being ridiculous and grabby. I like to go out a lot, clubbing and drinks then taxi home is expensive and even if I stayed in every night and put some in savings why should I pay her anything? Am i being U?”