Page 16 | Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

User788889 · 2025-02-14T10:31:44+00:00

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

LondonLawyer · 14/02/2025 16:35

ExercicenformedeZ · 14/02/2025 16:31

I don't want kids. I'm 42. If I had done, though, I can't imagine I would charge them rent to live in their own home. I would possibly charge them below market rate to live in a second home (I'm a LL anyway)
Where I am from, it would be unheard of to charge kids rent. I didn't live with my parents for that long anyway, but even if I had, they wouldn't have charged me.

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My Dad says that it was completely the opposite when he was growing up - the expectation was that a child would leave school aged 14, get a job, probably not on high wages but an apprenticeship / training job, and pay board at home. The amount would be less than renting a room (etc) elsewhere, but it was expected that from 14 you'd contribute to the family income. His parents, in continuing to house / feed / clothe him until he was 18 and did A levels were taking on a significant expense that was not normal in the community where he grew up.

CurlewKate · 14/02/2025 16:36

@RadStag "It does teach them that if they save regularly then the result is a more money towards a deposit, than if you'd spent it all on a lifestyle"

No. It teaches them that their parents don't trust them to save their own money, and will take the contribution they are making in good faith as a contribution to the household and lie to them about it. Take rent if you need/want to, but for heavens sake don't patronise them. Treat them like grown ups.

RadStag · 14/02/2025 16:37

CurlewKate · 14/02/2025 16:36

@RadStag "It does teach them that if they save regularly then the result is a more money towards a deposit, than if you'd spent it all on a lifestyle"

No. It teaches them that their parents don't trust them to save their own money, and will take the contribution they are making in good faith as a contribution to the household and lie to them about it. Take rent if you need/want to, but for heavens sake don't patronise them. Treat them like grown ups.

Perhaps.

ExercicenformedeZ · 14/02/2025 16:38

LondonLawyer · 14/02/2025 16:35

My Dad says that it was completely the opposite when he was growing up - the expectation was that a child would leave school aged 14, get a job, probably not on high wages but an apprenticeship / training job, and pay board at home. The amount would be less than renting a room (etc) elsewhere, but it was expected that from 14 you'd contribute to the family income. His parents, in continuing to house / feed / clothe him until he was 18 and did A levels were taking on a significant expense that was not normal in the community where he grew up.

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I bet that their investment in him paid off!

Boomer55 · 14/02/2025 16:38

No, it’s not. It teaches young people that they need to pay their way in life,😊

AquaPeer · 14/02/2025 16:39

suburburban · 14/02/2025 16:33

Why not, nothing wrong with that approach

My dm did it for me and I was grateful and I've always saved and managed money

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I think this is really dependant on your individual children.

my Bf at school was extremely focused on buying a house and had a firm x year plan to make it happen. If her parents had charged her £500 a month rent that would’ve changed her whole approach to achieving that plan, including taking on extra jobs etc, to make back that £500 each month.

if they’d lied and returned £25k 5 years later it would’ve meant she’d undertaken unnecessary work, going without things she would’ve liked to have and extra stress and anxiety for her during the 5 years she was paying it.

it is deceptive and lots of people don’t respond to that the same way you do or the same what you think you will.

suburburban · 14/02/2025 16:40

Tbh it wasn't masses just a small amount and I do the same with my ds

katedan · 14/02/2025 16:41

We charge DS (21) £200 a month rent but he does not know we have put into savings for him. It is just for him to learn responsibilities around rent before social etc. Lots of families need their adult children to pay rent to help with bills.

Rosiecidar · 14/02/2025 16:46

In some cultures it's absolutely unheard of to pay rent to parents. The only exception being where the family are poor but then it's pooling resources rather than paying rent.
Many of my friends have children who aren't working or are on starter salaries and prefer that their children are living with them rather than paying rent in a shared flat and basically struggling.

Obeseandashamed · 14/02/2025 16:48

YANBU... it is weird. If I was a struggling parent, I wouldn't charge rent but hope that I'd have brought my child up in a way where they would themselves pick up some financial burden in an indirect way. Whether that was doing the weekly shop for the household or taking on DIY/maintenance roles in the house that would ordinarily cost money.

RadStag · 14/02/2025 16:50

Obeseandashamed · 14/02/2025 16:48

YANBU... it is weird. If I was a struggling parent, I wouldn't charge rent but hope that I'd have brought my child up in a way where they would themselves pick up some financial burden in an indirect way. Whether that was doing the weekly shop for the household or taking on DIY/maintenance roles in the house that would ordinarily cost money.

So, you'd willingly get further and further into debt? :/

What's the point of that??

x2boys · 14/02/2025 16:51

Obeseandashamed · 14/02/2025 16:48

YANBU... it is weird. If I was a struggling parent, I wouldn't charge rent but hope that I'd have brought my child up in a way where they would themselves pick up some financial burden in an indirect way. Whether that was doing the weekly shop for the household or taking on DIY/maintenance roles in the house that would ordinarily cost money.

DIY isn't going to help if you can't afford to pay the bills.

x2boys · 14/02/2025 16:53

Rosiecidar · 14/02/2025 16:46

In some cultures it's absolutely unheard of to pay rent to parents. The only exception being where the family are poor but then it's pooling resources rather than paying rent.
Many of my friends have children who aren't working or are on starter salaries and prefer that their children are living with them rather than paying rent in a shared flat and basically struggling.

Well that's just lovely for them maybe they should check their privilege however and realise not everyone is aa fortunate as them.

x2boys · 14/02/2025 16:54

katedan · 14/02/2025 16:41

We charge DS (21) £200 a month rent but he does not know we have put into savings for him. It is just for him to learn responsibilities around rent before social etc. Lots of families need their adult children to pay rent to help with bills.

How does it teach your son responsibility, by having mummy and daddy saving up for him?

suburburban · 14/02/2025 16:59

We gifted our other dc a small amount for their houses so I would give some to DS anyway.

However they left home after uni so didn't live at home

We are not especially wealthy but it's how you want to spend your money

suburburban · 14/02/2025 17:00

Why not save up for your dc. It's much harder to buy nowadays

Jyrrfpgw · 14/02/2025 17:09

So people can only afford to raise children with the government's help? And after that help runs out (child turns 18) they charge the child to live with them?

LondonLawyer · 14/02/2025 17:10

ExercicenformedeZ · 14/02/2025 16:38

I bet that their investment in him paid off!

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It did indeed! He was able and happy to support his then-widowed mother in old age. But he is also very grateful that they did support him until he was 18, at school, and then feed and house him in university holidays, as it was completely outside the family or community experience to be paying out for a healthy young man aged 14 to 22, instead of him working and paying in.

LondonLawyer · 14/02/2025 17:13

Rosiecidar · 14/02/2025 16:46

In some cultures it's absolutely unheard of to pay rent to parents. The only exception being where the family are poor but then it's pooling resources rather than paying rent.
Many of my friends have children who aren't working or are on starter salaries and prefer that their children are living with them rather than paying rent in a shared flat and basically struggling.

Isn't there a nice, happy medium here?
If the total family budget after rent/mortgage, council tax, utilities and food etc is (say) £600 a month disposable income after the necessities, why is it reasonable for Mum & Dad & young child(ren) to be living on £600 a month spending money, and 20 yr old adult getting £1,800 a month after tax and that's entirely disposable income?

JohnTheRevelator · 14/02/2025 17:13

Well,even if you don't charge them rent as such,they should at least be contributing towards their food and the cost of utilities such as electricity etc. Life isn't free!

Lucelady · 14/02/2025 17:14

I said up thread how our DS moved back home promising to pay keep and never has. He's saving for a house. Since his return (after living in a very expensive city rental) he has re written the agreement.
I am usually a very high earner but due to ill health I have been on ssp for 9 months. He will not contribute to anything. He earns far more than his dad. This is the bit that grates. His father works overtime to help out due to our drop in income. He's 61. Our son is tight fisted and even expects to be paid back if we have a family takeaway.
I've only ever told MN what he's like because it's embarrassing. My parents are no longer with us but they would have been horrified. I paid keep until I married. Our son had every privalage growing up but now expects a free ride. He even tried to claim certain personal items in my new will made because my illness is serious.
His sister is slightly younger, a long term student and asks for nothing. She would give you her last penny.
We're downsizing and will give him some money to help him move out from our equity but he won't ever be coming back!

Ivecomeoutoflurking · 14/02/2025 17:17

Sorry I've not read any replies just wanted to say I'm early 40s now. The worst thing my parents did for me was not charge me rent - even when I asked them to. I am absolutely shit with money and have never been able to save to save my life.

WhatIsMyGift · 14/02/2025 17:17

I was never charged rent and was subsidised heavily at university and I think it was poor decision making on behalf of my parents. I should have been encouraged to work harder and not take it all for granted.

I will not be doing the same for my children but I hope I am in the position to save it for them.

suburburban · 14/02/2025 17:19

Sorry to hear that

Your ds sounds awful and even if you were downsizing I wouldn't be giving him anything.

Let him fend for himself if he is so mercenary and entitled

Cakeandusername · 14/02/2025 17:21

I just think it’s odd for a yp to have a very luxurious standard of living well beyond what their wage can afford and doesn’t do them any favours long term.

My friend’s son who lives at home earns more than her. No board. So he has a fancy car on finance, meals out, holidays, gym membership, designer clothes and she lives a much more frugal lifestyle.
When I was a teen I recall telling my grandma how much board a friend was paying (he was an apprentice on a low wage and I thought it was unfair how much his mum taking off him - poor family so needed money with hindsight) my grandma was shocked he was keeping so much as in her young days (working class northern) a yp at home tipped up their full wage and was given spending money. On other side of family I later learnt my great grandmother had tried to stop grandad marrying as she didn’t want to lose his wage (she was a widow)