Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

Benefits aren't a luxury. Arguably they prop up corporations as many benefit recipients are in work and benefits enable employers to pay power wages as the government makes up the shortfall.

What's more, poverty is partly about dignity. Yes, basic needs like food and housing are essential. Once you've got those subsistence things, impoverishment is partly about how you compare to societal averages. We think not having running water is a hardship but there was a time no one had this. There was a time when having about three changes of clothes was the norm, that's unusual now.

You feel a lack of dignity if you're unable to afford the things that let you participate in society and feel dignity and self respect.

No, I would strongly disagree. I live in a civilised society where I pay a significant proportion of my earnings in tax. The very least I can expect is that my society will provide a basic income so that people unable to earn a living because they are ill, or carers or are children or old can eat and have a roof over their heads. Benefits are not a luxury, provided to lucky people by a generous and benevolent government, they are an entitlement for all those in our society who need them, provided by those of us who pay for it. Many of us fall into both camps at some time or other, and often at the same time.

How is it weird? Assuming over 18 and in employment, an adult with a job needs somewhere to live and so will have to pay rent. They are effectively lodging in someone else's house, so it's only right that they contribute.
Let's face it, most parents don't charge them full market rent but at least it sets up the discipline of being responsible for oneself. We've all been there as youngsters, so it's no big deal. Don't like it? Move out.

Good for you. I do need the extra help for the heating and hot water so the £200 I take from his £1900 is a huge help. It’s not rocket science to understand this.

Depends very much on all the circumstances. DS1 had a gap year, and worked for several months at a bit above minimum wage (minimum wage for over 21s, he was 18). We agreed he'd pay his own travel to work costs, clothes, social life etc, and would save enthusiastically for his planned travels and for uni. He did that, spent very little - I think his take-home pay was about £1,850 a month and he spent about £160 a month while he was working on getting there and £200 a month on all his other costs. So he saved over £8,000 for his gap year and for university pleasures and activities. We didn't charge him anything for rent, food, bills etc, but that was on the understanding he was saving, not blowing it all on living it large.
But if we'd lost child benefit / universal credit / etc for him because he had left school and was earning, it wouldn't be reasonable for us as his parents to subsidise his savings at the expense of the rest of the family. We didn't get any of those anyway, so our income wasn't affected, and although feeding an 18 yr old man is definitely costly, it didn't hurt anyone else.
I certainly wouldn't be judging parents who do charge their working young adult offspring, though.

I dont think its weird. Me and my brother didn't pay but unfortunately that was because my mum passed and my dad had no mortgage. I think if the parents need help then I would do this. But I also thinks it's good to teach not everything in life is free

Strongly disagree, hmm? Living in a civilised society= privileged. People suggesting here for me to do research into poverty when there are many under developed countries. We can’t see beyond our own unhappiness. I have been to rich countries and poor countries and from what I’ve seen I’d definitely band the UK as a rich country despite much people complain. Many places don’t even have access to clean water. There is far worst things than free healthcare, access to benefits if you’re struggling and free education. And while I agree with your point, there are people claiming benefits who have also never worked a day in their lives, willingly made bad financial decisions or had kids they couldn’t afford because they would get government help and people who can work but don’t. If you are really struggling you can apply for social housing or emergency accommodation. You get money for your children. I’d be grateful perhaps if you visited a country where people had access to none of which I just mentioned the grass would look greener.

My mum did this with me. I paid £300 for a month, (this was 30 years ago),which she kept and gave back to me when I moved out aged 27. It was a lovely surprise which I wasn't expecting at all!

You seem quite furious about this, OP.
If there is one thing I know, it is that there is no right way of parenting. Barring abuse, most people are decent enough parents who want the best for their children and do the best they can.

Yes, she will,. It also she'll get the HA back when he moves out. So she will bid for a 1 bed place if she wants to. But she has assured tenancy until death.

I paid rent to my parents from the day I got my first job at 17. It wasn’t much but it was a contribution which increased as my wages did. I don’t think charging rent holds people back at all. As a parent you’re instilling good values in your kids and helping to teach them to budget. I had some friends who never paid anything until they left home and the real world came as a big shock.

If you’re lucky enough not to need the money then keep it and give it back to them later but you do them no favours by handing them a free ride.

I think it's weird too.

Why should people living in the UK look to people living in destitution in other countries as comparators? Why should they not look to people living in wealth and prosperity way beyond their needs here in the UK and the inequalities that created that, and want just a little patch of the vast green meadow for their own children to sit on?

Circumstances change all the time.

You might have been married, earning £75k each and had two kids. But the time the little one is five, you might be fleeing domestic abuse and in council accommodation unfit for purpose. No-one made that choice.

Some women are raped.

Some women don't realise they're pregnant until it's too late, or can't/won't get an abortion and all that entails.

Don't be so narrow minded and say that "they chose" this.

Haven't read every response, but i think it's setting kids up for failure if you don't charge something if they are working and living at home, even if its just a token amount to make them realise that it costs to be an adult. If you don't need the money, put it in an account for them so that they can add it to a deposit/buy a car or whatever that big expense might be one day. Budgeting and understanding the cost of living is such a massively important lesson to teach children and young adults before they go out into the big wide world.
Our parents charged us housekeeping once we had jobs, and taught us that if you wanted something you saved for it. If you knew you wanted to go out at the weekend you put money aside for that because if you spent it all in the week they weren't handing out extra ! I am so grateful for this in later life.

Good for you your parent could obviously afford it
You however don't even have

Children yet let alone adult ones ,So you have no idea what your financial position will be in 20/30 years time or werher you can afford to subsidise your fully grown adult child or not.

"Haven't read every response, but i think it's setting kids up for failure if you don't charge something if they are working and living at home, even if its just a token amount to make them realise that it costs to be an adult"

And they will have escaped this knowledge exactly how?"

I think anyone who is working full-time should pay rent/board to contribute to their own upkeep. A student who only has a part-time job then no, I wouldn’t ask them to pay unless genuinely needed. But once you’re in full-time work, you should be supporting yourself with your wages, and part of that includes day-to-day living expenses which would be covered by rent/board. Probably not full market rates, so a young person should still be able to save towards a house deposit etc, but still a contribution to the household. That’s regardless of whether the parents actually need the money or not.

Financially, we are at a point where we wouldn’t need DD to contribute because she doesn’t now. But equally we’re not very well-off, so I have to give serious consideration even to buying a relatively inexpensive item of clothing, for example. It doesn’t sit right with me that all of her wages should be for her discretionary spending while I would be supporting an adult to live, and saying to myself “can I really afford this $40 t-shirt?” (This is hypothetical as not relevant to us yet. Right now she is 15, obviously still in full-time school and doesn’t even have a part-time job yet.)

We are not UK, so obviously don’t have anything like child benefit or UC to lose when she leaves school.

I also think people need to give consideration to the fact that young people are living at home for longer and longer. It’s one thing not charging board of an 18-year-old. But would you be willing to fully support a 30-year-old? Especially when, if the kids are that age, then the parents are more likely to be retired or close to it, so probably have less income than they did when working full-time. What age would you support them up to?

And PLEASE don't take their money, pretend it's rent and save it for them. That's incredibly infantilising and patronising. AND will teach them nothing.

You might not think it weird if you were unable to pay your rent/mortgage/bills because you had lost your job, and were getting further and further in to debt whilst your adult offspring brings in £70k, and a contribution of £0.

None of this actually pays the bills if you don't actually have the money though.

People can be poorer in other countries and at the same time people in the UK not being able to afford to support their adult children at home.

Both things can be true.

It does teach them that if they save regularly then the result is a more money towards a deposit, than if you'd spent it all on a lifestyle.

I don't want kids. I'm 42. If I had done, though, I can't imagine I would charge them rent to live in their own home. I would possibly charge them below market rate to live in a second home (I'm a LL anyway)
Where I am from, it would be unheard of to charge kids rent. I didn't live with my parents for that long anyway, but even if I had, they wouldn't have charged me.

Why not, nothing wrong with that approach

My dm did it for me and I was grateful and I've always saved and managed money

Until you can't afford to keep another adult living in your house.

It's very easy to be "ohhhh I'd never charge my darling babies to live in their own hooooome " when you're comfortably off and not facing eviction for inability to pay the rent, or you've been put on an electric pre-payment meter and you just don't have the money to top it up or if you've suddenly had to find £150+ for a new fridge/freezer, and your child is earning enough money to contribute. You might change your tune.

People are so narrow minded and have absolutely no idea how a huge amount of people live in this country.