Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

Yes.

I agree op. My parents never charged me rent and when I moved out I had savings to furnish my home. I would never charge DD to live in her childhood home BUT we are not in a financial position to ever need to take money off our children

My parents asked for a contribution to food and bills, however it was all given back to me when I moved out. They were financially well off and didn’t need to charge me anything, but they also knew I was useless at saving.

@Lucelady I am sorry, his behaviour is not on you, some people are just self serving including our own children.

Ask him to leave, you get what you give in life, let him sod off.

He might learn that you cannot be a greedy selfish person without consequences.

To watch his Father take on overtime at 61.

I hope you get well soon and deadbeat moves out.

Your job is done, he has had the opportunities and support.

Retire as his parent.

@suburburban i do have a last laugh up my sleeve because I have shares he doesn't know about. My DH will inherit them.
He works in a financial role and is a control freak. He was a lovely kid but has been an absolute arse as a man. I even feel sorry for the gf.
We'd chuck him out but he's close to leaving so there's no point for the sake of a few months. It's the entitlement I hate. His dad and I came from big families and you worked from an early age. We got given nowt.
He's got a posh job and rich friends.

It depends. As long as things stay as they are, we’ll never charge our dc rent as adults. Saving for a house deposit would be better use of their money. I don’t think everyone is in a position to do that though .

there are plenty that charge “rent” to get kids used to living without market rates of housing costs only to return it as a house deposit when it is needed.

Not a bad idea if you have a young person who has yet to understand the value of money and needs some time in the real world to get it rather than expecting them to manage that themselves. If you’ve got a financial astute young person you can just expect them to save anyway.

So people can only afford to raise children with the government's help? And after that help runs out (child turns 18) they charge the child to live with them?
You need someone to pack supermarket shelf, deliver your food, care for the elderly, work in early childcare, supporting the rich in getting richer.

@EmeraldShamrock000 i love the expression 'retire as a parent' .

Greedy, no. I think it helps to teach DC the value of money. If I were to ask my DC to pay lodge it would be a small contribution and I’ll squirrel away to give back to them when they are ready to buy their first homes.

DS is 22 and pays the difference in c'tax now I've lost my single person discount plus £30 pw to cover electric which i think is fair as he buys all his own food and does all his own washing.He basically sleeps and showers here,spending most of his time out with friends or working .
If I was providing meals,TV subscriptions etc I would most definitely be charging him a lot more due to the fact my disposable income is low and there's no way I'd be supplementing a grown adults lifestyle,fancy car, holidays and takeaways... He has well over 1500 per month to spend or save as he wishes .

Not quite. Some children live in very low income households. Their parents may be ill, or widowed, or on minimum wage, or one parent has left the other, or the parent may be a carer for them. The government doesn't 'help', it's not a person who gives charity, it simply administers money in accordance with policy. No government however right wing has ever decided on a policy that means children in these circumstances should starve or be homeless. The majority of the population, however much they whinge about 'scroungers' wouldn't find that acceptable. So benefits are paid.

When the children are independent the benefits stop. Now one way a parent could deal with that change of circumstances would be to downsize to a bedsit on their own, feed only themselves and they'd get by. Their earning adult children would then have to find their own homes and keep themselves. However, its much cheaper for those children to pay their parent board than it would be to pay rent and bills themselves, so they carry on living in the family home together. Make sense now?

You made a mistake. It should be

So people can only afford to raise children with the government's help? And after that help runs out (child turns 18) they charge the child ADULT to live with them?

My DC aren't old enough to have jobs yet.

But should they get to an age where they're living with us, not in education, and are working then I plan to ask for 'rent'.

Unbeknownst to them I'll save it to give back as a lump sum at some point for a big spend they'll need like house/car/wedding.

I'm hoping that'll be a nice surprise and a good lesson in the benefit of saving.

It was fair though. So what ever any of us earned how ever old we were, we paid 20%.

No, I don't agree that benefits are a luxury. A civilised society should have a safety net so that people aren't reduced to Victorian levels of poverty through disability, illness or unemployment. Having children is a choice, but circumstances can change after the birth of children.

I wouldn't want to return to the era of workhouses.

I've posted before and I'll say the same again. I'm living with my parents and DD5 whilst I go through a divorce. Once my house is sold then I will find my own place. Of course I pay rent! We are using 2 of their 3 bedrooms. They do most the cooking/laundry/cleaning. They do multiple drop offs and pick ups from school for me whilst I commute and work full time. I've just found a job nearby so the drop offs/pick ups will be less.
I've paid rent whilst living with them before, always whilst I was working so context is everything. A couple of times they've given some of this back to me, but this was totally unexpected. Quite honestly the rent I'm paying is an absolute bargain in comparison to a private rental in the same area, we're being spoiled!

I don't think it's greedy to expect a grown adult to pay at least something towards the cost of the house hold expenses - food, electricity, gas etc - even if it's a fairly token amount. Nothing wrong with young adults learning that these things cost money, even if the parent can afford to cover it themselves.

Would you feel the same if the child (now adult) was still living at home in their late 20s, or even into their 30s? For some people there's no push to ever move out if they can keep all their wages as disposable income, while someone else pays the bills.

OP @User788889 , I'm sorry, it sounds as if your parents weren't really cut out for parenting. Great to hear that you have broken the pattern and looking after your own.
I'm with you in that if you can, why not provide.
At the same time I do think there is a place for charging something in order to teach them the value of budgeting, even if you end up giving them the money at a later date (for those who can afford it).
Perhaps the paying rent bit was not the main issue, more the relationship with your parents and their lack of thought/care for you?

I despair! I left hime at 17 supported mysf through as a result of my parents divorce. It was tough i struggled tp feed myself or pay for essential college books. Their adults and need to stand on their own two feet.

Nobody would argue with that, twinkly, but it is difficult now to get on the housing ladder, even very expensive to rent. You cannot blame young adults for wanting to save money and living with parents is a way to do. Many years ago more stayed at home until quite late, it wasn't at all unusual. My late husband was one.

However if home is an unhappy place it's best to get out as soon as possible and manage however you can. You did the right thing for you, so did I back in the dark ages and lived in some very grim places; we ,managed but it was hard. We can't compare our situations with others who have a more conventional home life.

Bit not if you were receiving child related benefits or child maintenance for them . So you wouldn't be better off as they would stop

I wouldn’t see it as charging to live with them but yp paying their way.
If parents are buying food just yp eats then if they are earning surely they’d want to pay for it. You can’t just assume your mum will buy you things each week when you are 25 and on a higher wage than her.

My children are babies 😂 but I was an ‘entitled freeloader’ of my parents whilst I saved for a house. Now a bill paying homeowner at a relatively ‘young’ age by today’s standards.

my parents showed my empathy, respect and trust and everyone won 🙂

I can’t related to anyone who thinks this is desirable or even ok- unless absolutely necessary.

kicking your children out at 17 is neglectful.