To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

[Redspottyfrog]

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

No as he would probably use it as material on his act

She'd end up like the one Peter Kay kicked out of his gig and called Lisa Riley.. Hounded.

How much compo do you need?

You absolutely should not have been flattered OP. What a misogynistic twat he is OP. I hate that kind of so-called “comedy” where they take the piss out of people. Basically they have no talent and just punch down. Look at his career - still working in the same crummy hotel after all those years.

If I were you I’d leave terrible reviews - both for him and the hotel.

Your anger should be directed at your former employer. It was a "works do" therefore they have a duty of care to protect you from harassment.

It was a comedian doing a comedy show. It sounds like a lot of people found it hilarious. That's the thing with comedy, what someone finds distasteful and upsetting will have someone else in stitches. I mean, I find Mrs Brown's Boys upsetting and distasteful, but presumably someone must like it because it wouldn't keep getting broadcast.

Generally if you go to a comedy show you should familiarise yourself with the comedian's material beforehand so you know whether you are likely to be offended or not. And at least know whether to avoid sitting in the front few rows.

"the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money) "
You walked out then and there. You also stopped working with those people. You have already done more than most of us would. Good for you.

At this stage I would leave a short negative review on Tripadvisor/ hotel website, and I would email the hotel to say, as this person is still working there, you felt they need to be made aware.

I think the pp saying to contact your old work place, as it happened on a work trip, has a very good point - but if your colleagues (and manager, I imagine) weren't supportive at the time, not sure anything positive will happen. May be leave a review for the company on Google to say it's not a nice place to work at (if that's true).

I think you should do something about this as it will help to give you closure, and perhaps prevent the 'idiot' comedian doing it again. You expressed what happened so well here, why not send this to the hotel and/or the idiot who did it too. He ought to be made to see how this makes people feel. Just because it isn't a police matter doesn't mean nothing can be done.

Yes, i would report it to the hotel. He shouldn't be able to live Scott free while you're still having nightmares. Even if it doesn't come to anything, I think it will be good for you to know you took some action. He sounds like a piece of shit.

WTF? She ruined his show because he couldn't help himself from picking on a random woman for no reason?

And just to help you out, because you don't appear to be very smart - OP did not state anywhere that she knew what this comedian was like beforehand.

@Dotjones "It was a comedian doing a comedy show. It sounds like a lot of people found it hilarious. That's the thing with comedy, what someone finds distasteful and upsetting will have someone else in stitches"

Have you missed the fact that the OP was an unwilling active participant in the "comedy"? It wasn't a routine that people sat and watched and might either like or dislike. It was sexual bullying. Posters should stop minimising @Redspottyfrog's her experience.

I think you handled it as best you could have done under the circumstances. If it was a work do organised by your employer, I think it was inappropriate and your colleagues and management behaved very badly (and needless to say the ‘entertainment’ was pathetic). I personally wouldn’t complain now but I do think you might reflect positively on how well you maintained your boundaries as best you could when you were placed in such a shit situation (both on the spot and afterwards at work).

I find it helpful to think about what (if anything) I’d do differently if a similar thing were to happen again. I’m not sure there is much you could have done differently as it doesn’t sound like complaining to the venue or your employers would have brought you much except further insult and ridicule. The fact that you chose to walk away from both shows principles, self respect and strength.

Can't believe these replies. That sounds flipping awful. I would be tempted to email the Daily Mail if you think you could cope with the social media flack (the comments on social media are normally awful).. I think your old colleagues and company sound horrendous.

This poster again, this time telling someone not to complain about misogyny.

Threatening people with defamation suits is part of the bad-faith playbook.

Public sexual harassment is illegal.

“Public sex-based harassment is generally understood to involve unwelcome and unwanted behaviour directed at a person in a public space, such as on the street, on public transport, in a gym, or at a hospitality venue, because of that person’s sex”.

www.sarsas.org.uk/protection-from-sex-based-harassment-in-public-act-2023-what-does-it-hope-to-achieve

I’m not sure you’d get anywhere with it because it’s just words but I understand why you were and still are upset about it. You could look at therapy to move past it? People can be horrible 💐

OP, I think the best bet is to put up a review on the hotel website calling out this so-called comedian for his misogynistic crudity, and if you can find an account for him on social media, do the same - attack him for the fact that belittling someone’s appearance is not funny, it’s just cruel. I don’t think there’s anything else you can do, certainly not after six years - and no matter what he said, what he did wasn’t actually illegal. I would be far more upset than none of my work colleagues had my back. Commiserations - it was horrid, but you need to leave it in the past.

Where did i say that .
He was a groomer and pedophile. I used sexual abuse as an example .

I could write a list of what I think of the man and what he did to OP but, it was words and embarrassing .
Surely he has to have changed his “material “ ? He wouldn’t /shouldn't get away with that now as I have said times have changed .

We can’t go around charging everyone for hitting kids or pupils from 30/50 years ago as it was legal and seen as acceptable then .
I think the same applies in this situation .

Yes complain at the time but not now .
If it happened now then it would be voicing differently.

"Back then" was 2019 if you read the OP's post. Not 1973.

You haven't over reacted and the way some commenters have framed their replies is really unhelpful. He is clearly a disgusting gross pig. God knows what he does to women behind closed doors. You have opened up about it and should be supported by women. You could certainly write to the hotel and let them know this happened. Aside from the fact he sounds ridiculously unfunny, this type of joke won't wash with younger audiences and their business will fizzle out. Glad you have a supportive partner.

I hope that comedian gets shat on by an elephant, unfunny plank he sounds.

My pals and I were out one Sunday afternoon and a singer changed the line from the song I love rock n roll to “so can I take you home/so she can suck my bone”. And pointed at me which got some laughs, unfortunately for him I was 16, highly unhinged and just started screaming at him he was older than my grandad (he absolutely wasn’t I was just really drunk) and he was deffo in Gary glitters gang. I was removed by a bouncer and my friends were furious with me because we’d gotten in without ID. It was roughly 20 years ago and still gets mentioned the time I got us thrown out of one of the worst dive pubs on the face of the earth for calling the pub singer a nonce.

I don't think you have over reacted OP, his behaviour is terrible and I believe it needs to be reported. No hesitation. I would be very upset too

He is vile and I certainly would feedback to the hotel how offensive he was and how upset you were by his routine, and post a stinker of a review on TripAdvisor.

Where did i say that

From your post:

i don’t agree with dragging up all the stuff from years ago because we lived in a different world then. .6. 12,20, 26,32 years ago
What was seen as acceptable then is not now
Yes you should / could have complained at the time. You didn’t and it’s been 6 years

The only reason Saville and his ilk were uncovered was precisely because women spoke up about experiences years before. Saville's actions were not legal when he abused young girls - he got away with it for years precisely because the girls were afraid, isolated and knew they wouldn't be believed.

The whole #MeToo movement was women jointly speaking up where they had felt unable to - not least because of people say to us "it isn't worth it, it doesn't matter, you won't be believed, it was ok when they did it".

This performer's behaviour certainly wasn't acceptable six years ago (or 30). The OP's employer had a duty of care to her at the time this happened.

But yes, lets tell women their experiences don't matter and they should just shut up because they were too humiliated, embarrased or scared to raise it immediately.

Honestly a slug couldn't limbo under the standards bar for men on this site at times.

Telling crude jokes is one thing. Targeting a random person in the audience and humiliating them in a predatory way is not ok. I would definitely be complaining. It's disgusting.

I haven't told her to do anything that would cause her damage or harm either. Looks like I touched a nerve with you though if you felt the need to respond to my comment. If women just brush these things off and don't support women who are genuinely traumatized by sexual harassment then it's a poor show on all of us. Misogyny is alive and well on Mumsnet just like anywhere else. Women are always dismissed and everything is just a 'bad joke' don't take it too seriously etc etc. It's not, it is misogyny, sexual harassment and it's a power thing. They want to make you uncomfortable and make you squirm. Putrid little man he is. The fact that OP''s colleagues didn't back her up goes to show how entrenched these attitudes are in our society. I stand with you OP, do whatever you need to do to feel better about a horrible situation you were put in.

6 years, the OP said. Reading comprehension really is terrible! Do you understand there's a long time between 2019 and 1995 or 1975?