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Original poster

To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

388 replies

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 04:40

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
treesandsun · 14/02/2025 11:00

Someone advised writing to him and I think this is a good idea. I would also send the same letter to the hotel. I often read things where someone (often teachers) have said something positive or negative that has stayed with them for years - words and actions are powerful. You may find it cathartic to get it written down - rather than holding on to it all these years. I think you may feel better for that.
He may feel bad - he may not care . It is about if it helps you.

Imbusytodaysorry · 14/02/2025 11:01

DollydaydreamTheThird · 14/02/2025 09:26

This is sexual harassment OP. If someone did this in the workplace they would be sacked. I can't believe the lack of support you are getting from other women! Beggars belief. I would complain to the hotel and tell them the effect it has had on you years down the line. The man needs to be stopped!!

Show quote history

I would be saying do this and do that if it was 6hrs ago .

It was 6 years ago .
The crazy world we live in changes monthly , yearly .

2JFDIYOLO · 14/02/2025 11:01

Does he have an agent? Remind them of the number of men whose behaviour has led to them being quietly dropped, cancelled etc because being associated with them has become problematic.

See if he's still working at the venue. Give them an account of what happened.

See if there's any way you can leave reviews like you can for a builder or airb&B.

He may be a member of Equity, the performers union. You could send them account saying you don't know if he's a member, but you felt they should know in case he is - or applies to join. They take safety etc seriously.

Funnywonder · 14/02/2025 11:02

Imbusytodaysorry · 14/02/2025 10:38

Where did i say that .
He was a groomer and pedophile. I used sexual abuse as an example .

I could write a list of what I think of the man and what he did to OP but, it was words and embarrassing .
Surely he has to have changed his “material “ ? He wouldn’t /shouldn't get away with that now as I have said times have changed .

We can’t go around charging everyone for hitting kids or pupils from 30/50 years ago as it was legal and seen as acceptable then .
I think the same applies in this situation .

Yes complain at the time but not now .
If it happened now then it would be voicing differently.

Edited
Show quote history

This was six years ago. SIX. How exactly do you think times have changed in six years? You’re talking about this as if it happened in the 1970s. I’m pretty sure 2019 was considered to be enlightened times. How have times magically changed since 2019? You have decided that it was ‘embarrassing’ for the OP. Embarrassment might cause a wave of discomfort upon remembering a particular incident. But this is much more. How about shame? Humiliation? Trauma? I think it is disgraceful to minimise the OP’s experience by writing it off as merely embarrassing. Maybe you would have been embarrassed, but it was much more to her.

cakeorwine · 14/02/2025 11:02

Substitute another characteristic in there and see if the comedian would comment on that person's characteristics?

I don't understand why comedians do this - and people laugh - which is another thing I don't get.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 14/02/2025 11:04

Jesusisking23 · 14/02/2025 09:39

Comedy shows are not for the faint hearted. Appreciate you felt upset but this is what happens at shows & there is nothing they are going to do if you complain

This is absolute bullshit. Making sexual jokes about people's appearance is considered very low brow in comedy. Noone does this anymore. It is vile and disgusting. I watch a lot of stand up and proper comedians do not stoop to this level. The man is an amateur and has to resort to cheap jokes to get a laugh. Probably has the IQ of a tadpole.

Househunter2025 · 14/02/2025 11:04

Dotjones · 14/02/2025 10:05

Your anger should be directed at your former employer. It was a "works do" therefore they have a duty of care to protect you from harassment.

It was a comedian doing a comedy show. It sounds like a lot of people found it hilarious. That's the thing with comedy, what someone finds distasteful and upsetting will have someone else in stitches. I mean, I find Mrs Brown's Boys upsetting and distasteful, but presumably someone must like it because it wouldn't keep getting broadcast.

Generally if you go to a comedy show you should familiarise yourself with the comedian's material beforehand so you know whether you are likely to be offended or not. And at least know whether to avoid sitting in the front few rows.

Oh come on. If you don't enjoy the style of comedy that's one thing but no one should be expected to put up with the kind of thing the OP experienced. How can being objectified in front of a room full of people be compared with watching a TV show at home?

Also it's not the employers job to prevent harassment in this situation, although it might be expected that they would be supportive if it happened. It's solely up to the comedian to avoid sexual harassment. It's not that difficult surely. If he wants to do this kind of thing he needs to put a stooge in the audience.

SnowFrogJelly · 14/02/2025 11:06

It was 6 years ago.. just try to move on

CoffeeCantata · 14/02/2025 11:07

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 04:53

No proof. It’s not worth it is it. Just looked at the reviews of the hotel and it seems most people find this guy hilarious so would not get anywhere.

You have my total sympathy, OP - he sounds like a pos, for sure.

But being realistic, after this time-gap, I honestly doubt you'll achieve much except the humiliation of having to explain, relive and justify (to some stupid people, most likely) your concerns.

If he was famous - you might get more traction. But if he's just a small-town idiot, no-one will care enough to listen.

I'm sorry - I absolutely am not minimising it - I just think it will be a thankless and fruitless task when aimed at a local moron.

AnonymousBleep · 14/02/2025 11:07

The incels seem to be out today.

Househunter2025 · 14/02/2025 11:07

Justanotherperson2025 · 14/02/2025 08:21

Naming him on here might result in her being sued for defamation and libel, unless she has proof.

Show quote history

How? She's anonymous. Also there were a lot of witnesses - if it did come to that

NCfornow256 · 14/02/2025 11:08

I don't know whether it's worth complaining to the hotel, but it sounds like you work for a really shit company if they thought that sort of comedy was appropriate for a works do. If I had been there as your colleague, I would have walked out with you. The fact that this happened and no one supported you shows you who they are, and I'd be looking for a new job if I were you.

I'm surprised that so many here don't seem to understand how utterly soul destroying an incident like that can be. The worst of it is that it shows that misogyny / objectification of women is still ingrained and deemed acceptable in our society. If someone were targeted for any other protected characteristic there would have been an outcry.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 14/02/2025 11:10

AnonymousBleep · 14/02/2025 11:07

The incels seem to be out today.

Indeed👊

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 14/02/2025 11:10

No, it wasn’t flattering. It was insulting and you know that it would be flattering if it made you feel good. It didn’t. He’s done the same joke over and over. I bet someone else might have a number to ring but I would ring up one of the women’s abuse lines and get some advice I think talking through it will help you deciding which route you want to take.

Househunter2025 · 14/02/2025 11:12

Really shocked at how many people think this is fine... Are these the same people who are all for women's safety spaces away from trans people? Because if any of you do think this comedian is fine I think you need to have a good think about your motivations.

hydriotaphia · 14/02/2025 11:13

You would be perfectly justified in complaining to the hotel and airing the complaint publicly (even if you don't attach your name to it). I don't think the passage of time makes a difference. If he's done it to you he will have done it to others. I am so sorry for your experience.

maybemrt · 14/02/2025 11:13

It's worth reporting people who don't seem to be genuine posters.

hydriotaphia · 14/02/2025 11:14

And yes, I agree that there is a weird amount of people justifying and minimising this. And yes, this does cast the outrage about trans people on this site in a new light (maybe not everyone is actually so bothered about women's rights after all).

thesoundofmucas · 14/02/2025 11:15

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AnonymousBleep · 14/02/2025 11:17

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Are you OK, mate?

ThinWomansBrain · 14/02/2025 11:19

what do you hope to gain from reporting it?
It was unpleasant, poor that none of your colleagues followed up to see if you were OK
But it was witnessed by a theatre full of people, p including hotel staff and probably management on occasion. presumably it wasn't the guys first gig, and he has been doing it for six years since - he sounds too tedious to have varied his act a great deal, so reporting what was in his act six years ago is not going to be news to anybody, and I'd guess that a lot of the audience are repeat customers.

the best you can do is add to the reviews on the site - but with your opinion.

AnonymousBleep · 14/02/2025 11:19

hydriotaphia · 14/02/2025 11:14

And yes, I agree that there is a weird amount of people justifying and minimising this. And yes, this does cast the outrage about trans people on this site in a new light (maybe not everyone is actually so bothered about women's rights after all).

It's almost like there are a bunch of men with classic right wing views rather than gender critical feminists on here.

nwsw · 14/02/2025 11:21

I'd leave a review detailing what he did to you and how it made you feel.

Cotonsugar · 14/02/2025 11:34

Redspottyfrog · 14/02/2025 05:20

I would not contact the police it would be the hotel. It’s ok I won’t bother I obviously overreacted. Maybe I should have even been flattered.

You didn’t overreact at all. He made you feel humiliated and embarrassed. I would have felt the same and wanted to escape. As others have said, reporting him probably wouldn’t do anything and might make you feel worse with all the investigations (if any). I would go for some counselling if possible to see if a therapist could help you move on and not have any more bad dreams and thoughts about it. This type of “humour” was common in the 1970s/80s. Unbelievable that picking on women’s bodies was thought to be so funny. Wonder how he would have liked it if a woman had started shaming him about his body parts🙄