To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

[Redspottyfrog]

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

It’s called sexual harassment

No you haven’t overreacted.

For anyone asking what he did wrong, it’s called sexual harassment. My workplace insists that every employee take a mandatory course to understand what it is, to be able to protect ourselves and our colleagues. Staring and sexual comments are both listed in the training, using fair milder examples than this one.

Definition copied from the dictionary:

1. behaviour characterised by the making of unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances in a workplace or other professional or social situation.

Empower yourself to do something, so that even if you get ignored, you know you’ve stood up for yourself and any other women that may be at the receiving end of this treatment.

1. Make a formal complaint to the hotel, similar to your post here, that states the facts of what happened, what he called you for walking out and your reaction. Use the words sexual harassment when submitting the complaint
2. Contact the comedian mention that what he did during his act is sexual harassment, how you felt being treated that way and that you hope he drops it from his routine and doesn’t single women out in future to comment on their bodies.
3. Keep all conversations as factual as possible, because it’s harder to argue with facts over feelings

Your reaction was understandable and you don’t have to put up with it.

This is sexual harassment OP. If someone did this in the workplace they would be sacked. I can't believe the lack of support you are getting from other women! Beggars belief. I would complain to the hotel and tell them the effect it has had on you years down the line. The man needs to be stopped!!

I would think about commenting on the hotels social media and going to your local paper

What a twat. On the one hand I can see that you might want him to be reprimanded or lose his job. But in the other hand, at least you can take comfort in the fact that 6 years later the height of his career accomplishment is STILL being compare at a shit hotel in Blackpool. Sounds like the rest of the world has already seen him for the crap comedian that he is.

I think this is a good idea

Ahh the type of comedian (I'll use that term loosely here) that thinks being "funny" is making sexually inappropriate comments.

OP I'm not surprised it upset you, I think if he's still working at the hotel it's worth leaving reviews on Google/TA etc for people to read, I certainly wouldn't go to see him knowing that was his idea of comedy.

Please do some research before you give dangerous advice.

There is absolutely NO QUESTION. She CAN be sued for libel and defamation if she makes claims about his behaviour that results in serious harm to his reputation.

Fact.

She does NOT need to reach a wide audience, a small audience is sufficient for her to be sued for libel and defamation if she makes claims about his behaviour that results in serious harm to his reputation.

These are FACTS and CANNOT be denied.

Serious harm" threshold:
Under the Defamation Act 2013, a claimant must demonstrate that the published statement caused or is likely to cause serious harm to their reputation to bring a libel claim.

Fact-based assessment:
Courts will consider the actual impact of the statement based on the facts, including the nature of the statement, the audience reached, and the claimant's situation, not just the inherent meaning of the words.

Financial loss for businesses:
For businesses, "serious harm" is usually interpreted as significant financial loss caused by the defamatory statement.

So she could potentially be sued by the business as well as by the comedian if she causes serious harm to their reputation resulting in loss of income.

Therefore unless she has proof it is dangerous to tell her to make claims about his behaviour that can result in reputational harm to him.

These are FACTS.

Truth is a defence against libel. But she MUST BE ABLE TO PROVE IT.

It simply doesn't matter that he is a pig. She needs to be able to prove it.

It is DANGEROUS to tell her make defamatory statements about this man unless she has proof.

You're not unreasonable at all. I'm sorry this happened, I can only imagine how humiliating it felt in a room full of people.

There's a real influx of misogynists posting on Mumsnet at the moment. It's just another way to attempt to silence women for speaking freely amongst themselves in the only place in the world that lets us do this.

Isn't it amazing how misogyny is the prejudice that is so deeply interwoven into our society we're still not allowed to see it? Can you imagine a comedian getting away with outright racism, homophobia or ableism in 2019? Thankfully, I can't. But there's no reason to accept misogyny either.

There's no reason not to report.
Contact the hotel, leave a review, but focus on your old work. My work would have taken swift and brutal action if this had happened to us. Yours let you down massively, no wonder you needed to leave.

@Redspottyfrog you didn't overreact at all. And your colleagues should have walked out with you the fuckers.
I agree with writing a review. You can always be anonymous.

It should be illegal to discuss your breasts like that as he sexually harassed you imo.
Name and shame on here.

I was at a works do many years ago, the comedian was vile, most people,were laughing like drains, but I'mmnot going to sit and listen to this so I got up and started to walk out. I had my hand up to my face, pushing my hair back, and he shouted 'stop picking your nose, love'. I was a lot younger then, and embarrassed, so I empathise with you, it was a lot worse than what he said to me.
But it's too late now to complain I think. People will have forgotten. But as a Pp said, you could write a scathing review on social media. I hate these sort of 'comedians' whose comedy is so poor they use rely on filth and humiliating people. 💐💐💐

Comedy shows are not for the faint hearted. Appreciate you felt upset but this is what happens at shows & there is nothing they are going to do if you complain

Please point specifically to the misogynistic statements on this thread.

If she makes claims about this man that cause him reputational harm that she cannot prove she can be sued for defamation and libel.

Stating facts is not misogynistic. Giving her dangerous advice is, however, dangerous.

She MUST HAVE PROOF BEFORE she makes any report or she puts herself in a vulnerable position. It doesn't matter how much you wish that was not true. It's just a fact.

Doubt it would make any difference to him. In fact, he would probably add it to his 'act'

She is receiving sympathy and support from all women here, including me. Some of us are just using facts and not encouraging her to do something that could cause her damage and harm.

To add, I don't think your colleagues will have necessarily forgotten this. 6 years ago is not a long time. A whole room full of people witnessed this.

I can still remember interactions various friends have had with stand up comics over the years because those points are often the highly charged, unpredictable parts of the set. That nervous feeling of whether the friend or comic is going to flounder. Exactly the kind of scenario that gets cemented in memory when the rest of the night doesn't.

Had I witnessed something so horrific there's absolutely no doubt at all I'd still remember.

Do you understand how evidence works though? She was there. Her own statement has evidential value. As does that of her husband regarding how she was affected. I accept that it is open to challenge under cross-examination and is not as good as a video of the comments being made but it is wrong to say that there is no evidence at all.

Also he’d have to be prepared to lie on oath if he wanted to deny it.

Even if she understandably wasn’t able to get a former colleague to step up and corroborate her account, I’d lay a bet on it being possible to summons someone who works at the hotel who would then be questioned about this man’s usual “patter”.

Look, I’m not saying that it’s a good idea to take this any further. But I just wanted to clarify that in a “my word against his” situation it is wrong to say that your word is not evidence that could be sufficient to meet the civil burden of proof if a judge finds you credible.

Noo definitely don't do this! Can you imagine?!

I absolutely detest that type of humour. Not just against women but mocking anyone for body parts or facial features that they can’t change. It’s basically sanctioned bullying and/or sexual harassment. Some comedians can interact really brilliantly with audience members, taking the piss out of them, without resorting to mocking their physical appearance.

I honestly thought society had moved on from this kind of lazy, bullying, sexist, puerile comedy. He sounds like some unfunny, unreconstituted relic from the 1970’s. I would definitely consider writing to both the hotel and to the comedian. Once you write something down formally, you will put the ball in their court. Even if they don’t have the grace to respond, at least you will have demonstrated that this type of ‘comedy’ is not benign and can have a lasting impact on its target.

i really am so sorry this happened to you. I have had similar comments made about my breasts (in my case the absence of any.) They were not made by a comedian on a stage, but by men in social groups I was part of. They were said loudly and were supposed to be funny and I was supposed to laugh too. I didn’t. Not one of my friends stood up for me. People can be utter utter shits.

That kind of 'comedy' is utterly rank and the comedian is a total prick. YANBU to have been disgusted/upset.

However, generally when people go to see that kind of show, they know the kind of thing they're going to see. The issue here is more that your employer thought that kind of show was appropriate for a works do.

I don't think complaining to the hotel is going to achieve anything now. It was six years ago, and also, the hotel knows full well what that comedian's act is like because they repeatedly book him.

You absolutely did not overreact! It’s completely understandable that you felt degraded and embarrassed. What this loser said was completely wrong and in no way counts as “humour”. Maybe there’s not much that can be done now but don’t doubt yourself or undermine your own feelings.

I am so sorry you experienced this @Redspottyfrog . To be frank it sounds horrible. This is not acceptable behaviour. Your reaction is understandable.

As this was a works do your employer should have some responsibility, especially as it sounds like colleagues joined in. Please make a complaint. If you choose to leave the company due to this, isn’t that constructive dismissal (or something like that??)

I’m shocked there are people on here that are suggesting this is OK. In the last couple of months there have been some horrible comments on threads which sound like they come from a bunch of those men who blame their single dim on women. So take no notice of the horrible comments.

Edit: missed the bit this was 6 yrs ago.

It's grim and classless, and if you are still thinking about it then it's had an awful impact, I can't see anything happening though, I doubt he's broken a law and there is probably something in the small print that they will joke about members of the audience. It's hard to get a conviction on historic rape, I just can't see this going anywhere, it may give you closure, but it may make things worse if you don't achieve anything in your complaint.

You didn't overreact - that's really horrible, and the way you fee, and felt, is completely valid.

I think a complaint at this point wouldn't be helpful, but I'd go full bore on all the review sites, and on every social media platform you have - make new accounts if you need to. Tag him and the hotel. Bad publicity is the way to have an impact, and he to feel the impact.

But you knew what this comedian was like and you still went to his show.You burst his bubble and spoilt his act by getting up and walking out . Job done .