To report what a comedian said to me 6 years ago

[Redspottyfrog]

Was at a works do at a hotel in a certain north west town, very famous for entertainment and shows and such, and they had a guy on telling jokes and introducing various forms of entertainment.
He was not funny at all and was being very crude (I am not a prude but that way he was doing it was just yuck)

anyway he catches sight of me and yells “omg look at the size of those knockers, they are huge” everyone laughs while I die a little inside.
he then proceeds to get 3 blokes up on stage to “check me out”. These blokes are looking me up and down like I am a piece of meat.

The guy then asked me to stand up and jump up and down so they bounce so the men can have a really good luck. At this stage I get up and walk out and the guy is shouting what a prude I am and for goodness sake love it was only a laugh.

I am in tears at this stage and go back to my room in the hotel. I phone my husband who insists on coming to get me even though it was a two hour drive. None of my colleagues came to check on me. When husband gets there I am waiting for him and he tries to insist he goes into the hotel and demands to speak to someone but I get in that much of a state he just gives me a hug and takes me home.

the worst thing is I did not do anything, I did not complain I just wanted to put it behind me. Also my colleagues really took the piss and I ended up leaving (luckily it was a job I was only doing a few hours at to make some extra money)

the reason it is playing on my mind is all these allegations coming out about certain male celebs. I am awake now thinking about it. I know this guy is not a celeb but he actually still works at this hotel and does the Christmas cabaret shows so he has no doubt done this to other women. I have always been angry at myself for not doing anything and a still have the odd nightmare about it. Do I make a complaint now or just accept it’s too late and in the past

It was 6 years ago why only now? What he said wasn't right but it's oar for the course when you go to see these comedians.

I know! I can’t believe around half of those polled think OP is being unreasonable. Good grief!

Strongly advise you to seek advice from Citizen’s Advice or a women’s rights organisation. Public naming and shaming could put you at risk of being accused of libel or slander. Whereas a private complaint, and possible legal action, would not.

Is there anyone from your work group who you could contact as a witness to this, OP? Even if they didn’t object, as long as they remember and can corroborate the fact it happened it would be useful evidence to support your complaint.

No is my answer .
Sounds bloody disgusting and horrible but….. i don’t agree with dragging up all the stuff from years ago because we lived in a different world then. .6. 12,20, 26,32 years ago .

What was seen as acceptable then is not now .

Yes you should / could have complained at the time. You didn’t and it’s been 6 years .

If this was a sexual assault of any Kind then of course not .
It was words from a comedian.

I've had an incident with a famous comedian years ago. He was the host of a gameshow and I was one of the contestants. I got to the final, and whilst the set was being altered he was joking with the audience about the size of my chest saying 'she could breastfeed the whole of Walford.' There were many more 'jokes' but that is the one that sticks in my mind. I was just stood next to him wanting the ground to eat me up.

Please contact the hotel OP. You wouldn't have been the only person he's done this to.

6 years ago not 60. Wtf.

Sexual harassment is not acceptable people, I had no idea how many women though it was.

You could write to his agent? And ask for confirmation that he has changed the act and would no longer behave in such a way.

This thread has exposed a bunch of vipers on a forum aimed at women who would rather pile on a woman and invalidate her feelings than call out a man who behaved appalling.

I wonder what the reaction would be if she said the ‘comedian’ was trans?

This may be useful OP: https://www.hutcheonlaw.co.uk/blog/historic-sexual-abuse-and-harassment/

I would write him a scathing review. I wouldn’t mention the incident with you because he is clearly a total dickhead and he will just think you are a bitter, silly woman. l would criticise his dated, unfunny comedy style.

OMG, that’s awful. I hope you seek advice on your rights. Like the OP, you should get damages for that.

You should get a lot of women ( and maybe some men) and strap on huge boobs like the Canadian teacher. Then in the middle of his act , all stand up and jiggle about singing ‘ Who’s happy now’ ( to the tune of who’s sorry now) . Just support his ‘act’ , you know.

No it isn’t. Even in the 90s we would have thought he was a creepy perv who deserved taking down.

@Redspottyfrog I am very sorry to hear what happened to you. It was clearly sexual harassment in the workplace as it happened during a work function.
I would complain to the hotel, say what happened and the impact on you. Be as factual as you can. Thé law has now changed (or will shortly). Employers are now required to have procedures in place to protect their employees from sexual harassment by a third-party. They can be liable. If this were to happen today you could make a claim against them in the employment tribunal.
i would complain in writing.

So the likes of Saville et al should have been left to continue their celeb lives because their victims did not feel able to speak up at the time?

The point is not that the OP is likely to get anything significant in redress but

• there may be many other complaints of this type, all being told "it was only words" and "it was years ago"
• lower level sexual harrassment and abuse victims can be part of an escalating story leading to even more serious crimes
• it gives the hotel an opportunity to provide guidance and support for if this is still happening and reminds them of their duty of care

I would write a non emotive and fact based account and send it to the hotel management (or the chain management if applicable), pointing out the distress, embarrassment and consequential leaving the job. This was way beyond the drunk customer in the bar who gets arsey.

I would ask them what reporting processes are avaialble to current staff now and how they supervise the behaviour of their entertainment employees.

I bet he still does it now, and if you say something others will come foreward. I used to waitress at two posh hotels in Brighton in the nineties and the number if men who felt my breasts, put their hands up my skirt etc are huge. Some so called celebs and some middle-aged men ( I was a teenager) on rugby clubs does, Lodge dinners or company retreats. If their wives knew what they were like there would be trouble.

It's shit OP. I volunteer for a charity now and attend these dinners as a fundraiser and it could be my age, or it could be that men have got better as it doesn't happen anymore. We have several beautiful young ladies and I always ask if there has been any trouble and so far so good. Same hotels too.

OP, you did not over react and there was absolutely nothing flattering about that sort of sexist fuckwittery.

The problem now is that if you write to the hotel I suspect they will send a bland non-apology , and if you leave a Tripadvisor review you might get come back that is also shit.

But. You were treated horribly. Disgusting behaviour.

You are the winner over these revolting little pricks of male comedians though: you have a wonderful DH.

I had a friend (he's now deceased) who was a stand up comedian on the WMC type circuit in the 70's. He used to tell me some of his 'routines' and I was horrified, truly appalled. He'd say things like 'have the lights gone out?' if a larger lady (or man, he was an equal-opportunities insulter) walked past. I told him that it hadn't been appropriate, even back then, but he seemed to think that as long as it got a laugh it was all right. It's all about the laughs from the audience.

If people are laughing, they keep telling the 'jokes'. I understand how hurt and humiliated you feel, OP. but maybe the question should be raised as to why everyone was going along with finding it 'funny'. Hopefully society is changing, but it won't change quickly.

Is he still on TV OP?

I would contact the hotel and the TV production companies that employ him and tell your story and make a complaint.

I bet that once this is out more women will come out with similar complaints...

Or you could use social media to tell your story or contact a newspaper.

I am appalled by the people on this thread who still don't understand that making sexual comments like that is harassment and that no woman should have to be humiliated and sexualised in public in this way.

To people who are asking 'why report it now?'. I would say that is obvious. More famous men are being exposed as perverts and women are finally being believed.

Tell your story and expose yet another creep.

No its not "par for the course" for one member of staff to sexually harrass and humiliate another member of staff. Nor was it acceptable for a group of male guests to join in and gang up on her.

Its harrassment and bullying and the fact that so many on this thread are defending him tells you exactly why women don't come forward and are still putting up with this shit.

And for those saying it was lawful to sexually harass women in one’s workplace 6 years ago, as some argued in response to the Greg Wallace allegations.

No it was not. The first sexual harassment case was mid 1980s. The Equality Act 2010 made rights much clearer.

You're not being unreasonable to feel this way - what happened to you was vile and humiliating. You're obviously still very much affected by it.

Why not write to him / the hotel expressing your feelings. You may get an apology or they may simply ignore you. But it might help you feel better to get it out there?

Write that letter or review. Not acceptable - never was, let it never be. So sorry that happened to you, humiliating and scary in a room full of no doubt drunk eejits. If he has changed, he has a right of reply to apologise to you and say he has changed his act. If no one ever challenges this, he and his audience continue to think it is acceptable. You are doing this for other women as much as yourself. If it is stressful to you, then you owe no one anything. But if it is bothering you - you are well within your rights and 6 years (given Covid) isn't all that long ago.

I think this is a humiliating thing to have happened to you and is not acceptable in any way. However, I think it’ll be tough to raise now.

I think your best approach would have been putting in a complaint to your workplace at the time who had a duty of care. They could then have raised the complaint with the hotel as the booker.

I don’t think it’s right the comedian gets away with this - it’s not funny and it is dangerous in that it is saying that men can behave this way in public and have others laugh along. But I think you may cause yourself more stress by pursuing this.

If this guy is still getting practising this “humour”, it won’t be for long. No workplace nowadays could risk taking staff to an event where colleagues are asked to look at the size of their colleague’s breasts. So take comfort in the fact that this comedian’s days are numbered and find a way to let it go.

https://www.theguardian.com/stage/2021/feb/22/people-think-its-some-weird-rite-of-passage-sexual-harassment-in-comedy?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

I don't think OP said he was on TV. If she did I missed it.
I agree if he was a TV comedian it would be worth reporting.
For a two-bit hotel comedian I don't think anything is likely to happen, but she could do it for her peace of mind.