Sister-in-Law didn’t invite my mother in

[ThatRubyMoose]

I genuinely want people to be honest; I’m interested in what people think.

About four years ago my brother’s partner moved in with him; she has her own business and works from home. Up until then my mother used to go round and clean for my brother (yes I know). My mother also gets a few freebies from her employer so she would leave these in the house.

When his partner moved in, my mother naturally stopped this out of respect for his partner and not to invade her privacy. However, SiL was more than happy to see my mum. She told her to text her when she was going to drop stuff round.

So for four years two or three times a month, Mum sends a text and Sister-in-Law will stop work, make a coffee, elevenses, or lunch depending on what she is doing and they will have a chat. On the back of this, SiL might find out something Mum likes, so they will go to garden centre or stately home together.

So in four years there has been a handful of times when SiL hasn’t been available, either because she will be out, on a zoom etc. and told Mum to leave stuff in porch. All good, no issue.

On Monday evening SiL texts to say she wasn’t available on Tuesday and just leave stuff in porch. Absolutely no issue.

When Mum arrived there were people in the house and a couple of kids running in the hall so my mum knocked on the door a couple of times when finally SiL opens it and seems surprised Mum is there asking her didn’t she get the text asking her to leave the stuff in the porch.

SiL was with her family and didn’t invite my mum in to meet them. As SiL knows my mum is not intrusive and would not have overstayed her welcome. My mum is so upset but we have stopped her ringing Bro.

So essentially my mum was asked to leave stuff in porch but knocked door anyway - would you have done this?

SiL answered but didn’t invite her in. Would you have done this?

Because the cakes would go out of date by then.😁

Probably less than 2 weeks after my father had left my mother for another woman - and only 3 weeks since my own wedding - I was around at my mother's house trying to help her deal with the aftermath.

For some reason I can't remember my MIL popped around - unannounced...I think it was to drop something off. I answered the door and I could tell she was angling for an invite in (she wanted to hear all the gossip about my father, no doubt) ..she didn't get it. My mother didn't like my MIL anyway, she was definitely one of the last people my mother wanted to see at that time! The in laws had only met my parents twice before the wedding and for a very limited amount of time...my mother was never invited to their house.

Your SIL had already told your mother she wasn't available that day, she wasn't obligated to invite her in at all.

SIL is happy to scoff all the Freebie food and live rent free in a house the MIL paid the deposit for. How nice and entitled. Imagine putting the chain up on the door and treating your MIL ike a serial burglar. What a nightmare of a SIL, the Son should've dealt with that behaviour swiftly and kicked his lodger to the curb for being so rude.
That marriage won't last long, trust me on this!

Typically when the mother comes around the sister-in-law stops working and then makes her a meal and sometimes takes her places. How is that grabby?

What do you think these freebies are that they cost anywhere near what the food probably costs that she's providing?

Your Mum was really rude there. SIL makes lots of time for her and was told on this occasion she wasn't available. Unreasonable of her to expect to be let in. Perhaps rather than leaving things at the door, she could have suggested another day instead if she preferred to spend time together and not just drop off, but SIL is not in the wrong here.

Where did you get the information that the mother-in-law paid the deposit on the house? Or that the sister-in-law is not paying rent? Or that the freebies are food? I did not see that in the OP.

Where does it say the sil doesn’t pay rent? Or her own upkeep?

where does it state the mil paid a big deposit on the house?

@ConstanceM

How do you know what the freebies are?

The MIL paid the deposit? Why do you assume the SIL who wfh isn’t paying rent?

Where are you getting this information?

It’s not in the post.

I think it was a bit rude of SIL not to invite your mum in, but also if she didn't want her there, she shouldn't have asked her to drop the stuff off that day.

Your SIL set a boundary and your mother crossed it.

Also even if she doesn’t pay rent that’s between the son and his partner.

Once that deposit left mils hands it’s bugger all to do with her how her son uses it even.

The free food was always going there again if mil decided to continue it that’s on her but she was always giving it to her son anyway

You get that you've made all of this up, right @ConstanceM ? We don't know if it's food, if the DIL wants it, how the deposit was funded, what the rent split is, if the door has a chain... Sounds like you got some pent up misogyny out though so I hope that helped.
What we do know is that the DIL regularly stops working to host the MIL and also regularly takes her on days out. On one occasion she's not invited the MIL into her home, because she was busy.

It's too much OP.your mum going around 3 times a month or more and expecting her to drop everything in a middle of a work day etc is probably annoying and silly as much as she didn't mind it seems like just wants some space. She needs a break, give it to her and you mum needs to stop , she can invite them to hers if necessary for one week.

You're nice. Do you also block visitors because it's doesn't FIT your PLANS? how pathetic. Pay your rent or leave
@ConstanceM

Well, yes. Wouldn't you block visitors if it didn't fit your plans? What else would you do?

Let's not get too invested, it looks like OP can't be bothered with her own thread.

She didn’t do anything wrong! The arrangement was to leave stuff on the porch. It doesn’t matter whether she was on a zoom/ had friends/family around or was exercising.

She had already said she wasn’t available at that time.

Is @ConstanceM the MIL? This thread is bizarre

I think your sister-in-law in this instance is being incredibly rude. Sister-in-law is living with the brother for four years at this point. To not invite a potential future mother-in-law into her home for a quick hello to her family is gobsnacking to me. Sister-in-law should never have asked your mother to leave XYZ in the porch knowing she was going to be at home. I think your mother has every right to be aggrieved.

There’s no book deal, you can drop the creative writing.

If not then another overbearing MIL to some other poor woman.

Nah she’s not. Just likes story times.

You're just making stuff up, how odd?

It’s non of your business OP

Good god this is an insane amount of sexist and illogical reasoning—you have no idea what the financial arrangements are between gf and OP’s brother. There's zero reason to assume the MIL us subsidizing the household or, even if she were, that this entitles her to some kind of landlord’s right of entry and interference with gf’s quiet enjoyment of the property.

On the matter of GF accroting these supposed freebies. I wouldn’t assume that she is cheekily getting something for which dhe owes MIL gratitude.

if my MIL had a habit of insisting on dropping shit off at my house regardless of my convenience or availability I might have reached my limit of allowing her to use stale cakes as a thin excuse to socialize when she wants.

Perhaps GF has given up arguing with MIL over her insistence that “its no trouble at all” to drop things ‘round” but that doesn’t mean we know if she is actually wanting or enjoying these supposed goodies. My MIL used to badger us to take away all foods partially eaten when we visited them a goddamned plane ride or five hour drive away. I can assure you that I and the other DIL pleasantly accepted the “gift” of half a sandwich and a half used jar of pickles snd simply threw them out on our way out of town.