Sister-in-Law didn’t invite my mother in

[ThatRubyMoose]

I genuinely want people to be honest; I’m interested in what people think.

About four years ago my brother’s partner moved in with him; she has her own business and works from home. Up until then my mother used to go round and clean for my brother (yes I know). My mother also gets a few freebies from her employer so she would leave these in the house.

When his partner moved in, my mother naturally stopped this out of respect for his partner and not to invade her privacy. However, SiL was more than happy to see my mum. She told her to text her when she was going to drop stuff round.

So for four years two or three times a month, Mum sends a text and Sister-in-Law will stop work, make a coffee, elevenses, or lunch depending on what she is doing and they will have a chat. On the back of this, SiL might find out something Mum likes, so they will go to garden centre or stately home together.

So in four years there has been a handful of times when SiL hasn’t been available, either because she will be out, on a zoom etc. and told Mum to leave stuff in porch. All good, no issue.

On Monday evening SiL texts to say she wasn’t available on Tuesday and just leave stuff in porch. Absolutely no issue.

When Mum arrived there were people in the house and a couple of kids running in the hall so my mum knocked on the door a couple of times when finally SiL opens it and seems surprised Mum is there asking her didn’t she get the text asking her to leave the stuff in the porch.

SiL was with her family and didn’t invite my mum in to meet them. As SiL knows my mum is not intrusive and would not have overstayed her welcome. My mum is so upset but we have stopped her ringing Bro.

So essentially my mum was asked to leave stuff in porch but knocked door anyway - would you have done this?

SiL answered but didn’t invite her in. Would you have done this?

MIL was expected to leave the item in the porch because it was the time she could drop off but it didn't work for SIL

It did work for her though, only she expected to treat mil like the dpd driver. If it didn’t work for her she’d have told MIL not to come/ trouble herself . She didn’t . Instead, She expected MIL to deliver the gifts on the doorstep while she was evidently at home entertaining others . Which was very rude.

I’m not.

I am surprised so many think it’s ok to be upset enough to tattle on someone’s spouse because you weren’t allowed to intrude on their time with their own family, you haven’t met yet.

Considering how much MIL and SIL get on, SIL probably has her reasons and/or it wasn’t a great time to introduce them, but of course that doesn’t matter to some on here. It’s all about the freebies 🙄.

She was unavailable to bring MIL in which was what she wanted.

If any of my kids were "entertaining*" me, and I saw their MIL leaving them expensive gifts in the porch and scuttling off without a thank you having been instructed not to knock under any circumstances, I would be horrified.

I'm not raising kids like that.

*Is it even entertaining? When family visit us they're here, doing normal stuff, it's not a dinner party.

If any of my kids were "entertaining" me, and I saw their MIL leaving them expensive gifts in the porch and scuttling off without a thank you having been instructed not to knock under any circumstances, I would be horrified.
I'm not raising kids like that.*Exactly this,

My mother is totally fine with dropping stuff off without going in

Unless there is a visit going on that she was not invited to it seems.

@Lostcat can you give a reason as why she would knock other than wanting to come in?

It did NOT work for her because she had other guests

Other guests are entitled to SIL's attention too

And leaving in the porch is the established procedure for when SIL is Unavailable

Just because you judge her excuse to not be acceptable doesn't mean it is

which was what she wanted

it isn’t though. She thought DIL was out. If what she wanted was to be “brought in” she would have suggested another time when she thought DIL was in. She wanted to leave gifts for her son/ DIL; she had no idea DIL was in fact at home and was expecting to treat MIL with such rudeness. Hence MIL’s surprise and upset.

How do you know what's going on in SIL Family? How do you know the circumstances of the visit? Maybe it was not appropriate, maybe the in laws had something going on. MAYBE THEY WERE DEALING WITH PRIVATE FAMILY BUSINESS.

You really think SIL decided not to thank MIL this one time. Sure.

The fact that MIL is upset she wasn’t invited in is the entire point of this thread!

Well, we don't know which family members it was, why they were visiting or how often they visit
It might have been a catch up that hasn't happened for months (unlike MIL who visits weekly), family over from abroad, important family business...

Any reason why it wasn't just a "normal" family visit and why it was inappropriate for MIL to join

Presumably a thank you is sent via text on the odd occasion that SIL doesn't stop her whole life to spend time with MIL

READ THE THREAD TITLE!!!!

SiL was with her family and didn’t invite my mum in to meet them. As SiL knows my mum is not intrusive and would not have overstayed her welcome. My mum is so upset but we have stopped her ringing Bro

The reason she is upset is because she was NOT invited in!!

At this stage I think there is something seriously wrong with your reading comprehension.

Then don’t expect your MIL to deliver freebies to your door while it’s going on! It’s very simple.

😂😂😂 YOU have to be the OP or the MIL.

Again, OP said she has dropped things off when SIL has been on a Zoom call with her inside so unavailable has not meant SIL not being home.

OP

SiL was with her family and didn’t invite my mum in to meet them. As SiL knows my mum is not intrusive and would not have overstayed her welcome. My mum is so upset but we have stopped her ringing Bro.
So essentially my mum was asked to leave stuff in porch but knocked door anyway - would you have done this?
SiL answered but didn’t invite her in. Would you have done this?

Why else would OP be even going on about how non-intrusive her mum is if it wasn’t about her mum not being invited in?

Main take aways so far:

People think they are entitled to know your business so they can judge if you are making a reasonable excuse or not

Work is more important than family

Posters think MIL is entitled to more of SIL's time than her own family

You are missing out the context: she’s upset because of the exceptionally rude behaviour of the DIL .

The rude behaviour was that she expected her MIL to deliver expensive gifts to her door while she was entertaining others inside.

This is rude:

Mil did not expect DIL to be in- she wasn’t delivering the gifts because she wanted an invitation. She was only upset when she realised DIL was home and entertaining others.

yoy know this and are being deliberately obtuse

But she DIDN'T expect it, MIL said that was when SHE could make it and made the decision to come even though she was told SIL was unavailable

You say people are being obtuse but ignore OP literally saying her mother expected to be allowed in to meet them.

Are you ok? The OP clearly stated she is upset AT NOT BEING ASKED IN. She wasn’t delivering the gifts wanting to be asked in, she wanted in when she saw SIL was entertaining.

we’ve covered this.
she knew mil was coming and expected her to deliver the gifts while she was entertaining others.
she could have very easily told mil not to trouble herself. She didn’t. Instead she expected her to deliver expensive gifts to her door while she was inside entertain family. That was very rude.

expected adjective [before noun] (WAITED FOR)believed to be going to happen or arrive:

No

SIL didn't invite MIL to drop-off in the porch, MIL said she was coming and SIL said she was unavailable and MIL STILL came over

Then she knocked on the door to try and join in because, for once, SIL was daring to entertain her OWN family

Are you ok?
Yes thanks. Are you ok?