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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask them to put the heating on,?

235 replies

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 13:58

If you're a guest in someone's house, is it ok to ask them to turn the heating on/up?

I live in an old draughty house with big single glazed sash windows, so I'm quite used to being chilly. We try to keep the house at about 18, it's very difficult to get it above that but if a guest was cold I would have no issues with plugging in additional heaters etc.

I'm currently staying with my mum for a few days. She lives with her partner and has moved into his house. It's freezing. The living room has a thermometer in it and it's currently 13C. It's a modernish house, fully double glazed and centrally heated.

They split the bills. They are quite well off - nice cars, several holidays a year - so it's not a money issue. According to mum, her partner thinks it's wasteful if they put the heating on during the day, as they are out a lot. They are both retired. They do go out a lot but usually one or both come home at lunchtime. They are usually both in by 5pm but the heating doesn't come on until nearer to 6.

I'm trying to work from here for a few days. I am so cold it's difficult to concentrate. AIBU to ask (insist?) that the heating is on during the day?

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikespuppies · 13/02/2025 14:00

I wouldn't be able to hide that I was freezing cold tbh, 13 degrees is ridiculous and not good for the house which will get damp.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 13/02/2025 14:00

I’d speak to my mum, give her £50 and tell her can she heat the house to 18 for the next 5 days as the house is so cold you can’t feel your fingers or face

HundredMilesAnHour · 13/02/2025 14:11

In your circumstances, I’d just order a heated throw from Amazon and have that wrapped around me all day.

(I hate a cold house and many years ago actually left a close friend’s house where I was supposed to be staying as it was far too cold for me, but I also respect people’s rights to have their own home at whatever temperature they want).

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 13/02/2025 14:15

Yes just ask. How old are they? If they are old enough to qualify for extra money for heating then they do actually have to spend that money on heating.

Sharptonguedwoman · 13/02/2025 14:20

HundredMilesAnHour · 13/02/2025 14:11

In your circumstances, I’d just order a heated throw from Amazon and have that wrapped around me all day.

(I hate a cold house and many years ago actually left a close friend’s house where I was supposed to be staying as it was far too cold for me, but I also respect people’s rights to have their own home at whatever temperature they want).

Heater throws don't work on hands and feet, sadly. OP, put the heating on. 13 def is ridiculous. Give the thermostat czar £50.

Zusammengebrochen · 13/02/2025 14:25

Could you go out during the day and work from there - there must be a workspace or a library or something?

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 14:28

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 13/02/2025 14:15

Yes just ask. How old are they? If they are old enough to qualify for extra money for heating then they do actually have to spend that money on heating.

They're in their 80s and have plenty of money. It's not that they can't afford it, just that he thinks heating the house is wasteful

OP posts:
BeardofHagrid · 13/02/2025 14:29

I lived the first forty years of my life with no heating and I’m saying yes, put the bloody heating on! It’s perishing at the moment.

Zusammengebrochen · 13/02/2025 14:31

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 14:28

They're in their 80s and have plenty of money. It's not that they can't afford it, just that he thinks heating the house is wasteful

Show quote history

Do you have to stay there?

Mizztikle · 13/02/2025 14:36

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 13/02/2025 14:00

I’d speak to my mum, give her £50 and tell her can she heat the house to 18 for the next 5 days as the house is so cold you can’t feel your fingers or face

Definitely do this, they probably wont take it but its a nice gesture. If they say no then try the heated throw, can you work from bed or laid on the sofa so your fully covered?

Praying4Peace · 13/02/2025 14:36

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 14:28

They're in their 80s and have plenty of money. It's not that they can't afford it, just that he thinks heating the house is wasteful

Show quote history

It's near impossible to change people's attitudes to money/when to put heating on. Has caused friction with a loved one re varying attitudes.
As it's your mum's house, I think u should feel comfortable in asking.

CurlewKate · 13/02/2025 14:38

I would expect my adult children just to turn it up!
If I was in someone else's house I would do what someone else suggested and offer to pay for extra heating, explaining the it's too cold for you to work effectively.

CoralOP · 13/02/2025 14:39

I visit my aunty who won't put her heating on, the thermostat is at about 11°.

As soon as I walk in I say its bloody freezing in here, turn the heating up. She says she's quite warm (whilst shivering under a blanket). I tell her that's a complete lie and she's ruining her home and health....she still doesn't turn it up but I've tried.
She's got loads of money, just received over 100k inheritance. I just can't comprehend these people!

I feel like you should be able to tell your mum, yes your a guest but it's your mum too.

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 14:40

I really don't think it's about money, he is very generous - pays for meals out etc. But he will also save a lone roast potato or half an onion rather than throw it away.

They were born in the war and grew up with rationing.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 14:45

CurlewKate · 13/02/2025 14:38

I would expect my adult children just to turn it up!
If I was in someone else's house I would do what someone else suggested and offer to pay for extra heating, explaining the it's too cold for you to work effectively.

I would if it was my Mum's house. And when she lived with Dad their house was always warm. And she carried on keeping it warm until she moved in with her partner 3 years ago

OP posts:
OldChairMan · 13/02/2025 14:46

Given their age, a room temperature that low is a health risk - increased risk of stroke etc. So he may not listen, but a reasonable room temperature is definitely not a waste:

www.ageuk.org.uk/latest-press/archive/over-3-million-older-people-are-concerned-about-staying-warm-in-their-own-home-this-winter/

Daisyvodka · 13/02/2025 14:48

Could you go 'is there a window open somewhere? Its been freezing all day, shall we pop the heating on?' And see what the reaction is and go from there?

Dawninglory · 13/02/2025 14:52

I work for Age Uk and recommended temperatures for the house are 18 degrees minimum.

oakleaffy · 13/02/2025 14:52

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 14:28

They're in their 80s and have plenty of money. It's not that they can't afford it, just that he thinks heating the house is wasteful

Show quote history

He's a parsimonious old fool then.

Older people are at far greater risk of health issues when their houses become cold- and 13 degrees C is bloody freezing.

Mum went through a phase of this- 13 degrees, sat indoors with a wooly hat, coat, gloves - it's a kind of wilful stubbornness, I think? with that generation-

One cannot be comfy in heavy outdoor clothes indoors.

I can't BEAR a cold house...18/19 degs C is how I heat mine, but seeing one's breath plume in a house is bad.

I was bought a heated throw by Mum {she has one too} and they are fabulous!
Dog adores it, too, and lies on it.

oakleaffy · 13/02/2025 14:57

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 14:40

I really don't think it's about money, he is very generous - pays for meals out etc. But he will also save a lone roast potato or half an onion rather than throw it away.

They were born in the war and grew up with rationing.

THIS ☝️

It's the rationing thing.

Mum won't throw anything out of her fridge, either.

It's crazy.

Rationing at such a crucial stage of their childhoods has left an indelible mark on their psyche.

''Make do and mend'' - don't waste food...my neighbour was the same {War generation} - she actually got upset as someone was giving her cooking apples off their tree, and Doreen as a widow of 90 couldn't possibly use up great bags of cooking apples.

I took them away and put them on. a compost heap as she was so distressed about waste.

Do people even use cooking apples these days?!

oakleaffy · 13/02/2025 15:02

Praying4Peace · 13/02/2025 14:36

It's near impossible to change people's attitudes to money/when to put heating on. Has caused friction with a loved one re varying attitudes.
As it's your mum's house, I think u should feel comfortable in asking.

Show quote history

My brothers and I have tried - it is almost impossible.

''But we used to live in a farmhouse where one had to break the ice in the water in the morning for a wash''

Things definitely were tough for people in the War- they are known as the ''silent generation'', but a lot of them are actually fairly well off now, by dint of good pensions and buying property when it was cheap in relation to wages.

whatawonderfultime · 13/02/2025 15:03

If it's less than 22, ie the actual recommended guidelines, I would ask for it to be turned up.

I do it everywhere, even did it in pizza hut yesterday.

No shame here.

my house and business are both 24, so I practice what I preach.

Crikeyalmighty · 13/02/2025 15:03

I simply wouldn't stay there to be honest

Elphame · 13/02/2025 15:07

Currently 13C in my house. Oodies are a great invention.

The heating will come on at 5pm and no - we do not have any damp. It's just cold

CloudywMeatballs · 13/02/2025 15:09

Elphame · 13/02/2025 15:07

Currently 13C in my house. Oodies are a great invention.

The heating will come on at 5pm and no - we do not have any damp. It's just cold

I would find that a miserable way to live. And if I really was concerned about paying for the fuel I would cut back in other places first.

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