To ask them to put the heating on,?

[AnnaQuayInTheUk]

If you're a guest in someone's house, is it ok to ask them to turn the heating on/up?

I live in an old draughty house with big single glazed sash windows, so I'm quite used to being chilly. We try to keep the house at about 18, it's very difficult to get it above that but if a guest was cold I would have no issues with plugging in additional heaters etc.

I'm currently staying with my mum for a few days. She lives with her partner and has moved into his house. It's freezing. The living room has a thermometer in it and it's currently 13C. It's a modernish house, fully double glazed and centrally heated.

They split the bills. They are quite well off - nice cars, several holidays a year - so it's not a money issue. According to mum, her partner thinks it's wasteful if they put the heating on during the day, as they are out a lot. They are both retired. They do go out a lot but usually one or both come home at lunchtime. They are usually both in by 5pm but the heating doesn't come on until nearer to 6.

I'm trying to work from here for a few days. I am so cold it's difficult to concentrate. AIBU to ask (insist?) that the heating is on during the day?

I can see their logic but it’s not “wasteful”
if you’re in the house. The heating is being used, not wasted.

please look at this and show your mum.

How cold is too cold?

• Below 13° - If your home is this cold, it may increase your blood pressure and risk of cardiovascular disease.
• 14-15° - If your home is this cold, you may be diminishing your resistance to respiratory diseases.
• 18° - This is the recommended night time bedroom temperature.

I once stayed in a freezing cold house in Scotland. The bed was near the window, which was broken, so a harsh wind blew into my room. I had to wrap a jumper around my head for the whole night for fear of my brain freezing solid.

It is awful that they haven't thought about your comfort, op. Ask them kindly to turn the heating up. If they can't keep their guests warm they shouldn't invite them to stay. You could get seriously ill. Good luck.

As it’s your mum I’d definitely be asking her to crank it up to 18/19 minimum

my MIL’s house is like this and I just go very rarely and go prepared when I do. Luckily I never have to stay over

we have a heatpump which means our house is never cold- it’s heated to a certain temperature constantly. So 19 during the day (we wfh mostly) and 16 at night. Would recommend. Mostly as it avoids arguments.

I'm a 5 hour drive from home. So I'm stuck here until Saturday!

When I think about it, I've not really spent time here in Jan/Feb. Mum's lived here for 3 years, for 2 of those autumn/winters they've been to Australia for several weeks, I've usually come and stayed between April and September and usually only for one or two nights due to work commitments.

This week I've been here Sunday - Saturday but have been working, whereas when I stay for a weekend we are usually out during the day, either at NT properties, or visiting antiques shops in little market towns nearby,, or at other tourist attractions. So I've not really noticed the inside temperature.

He clearly is just set in his ways and routines

speak to your mum and point out it’s not wasteful if you’re sat there! I’d not offer to pay directly but maybe offer to pay for a takeaway or activity

Why can't you just ask them?

thanks @Clearinguptheclutter. We went out to dinner on Tuesday and I tried to pay but wasn't allowed to!

Rooms in my mother's house can get as low as 9 degrees even colder.

It's fake and forced fuel poverty. I could pay for fuel but she just spares it.

I have a heater for my room and that's it now. The rest of the house is freezing. I have get the temp in my room to be somewhat ok.

Heater for your room OP.

It’s not wasteful when you’re freezing though, you’re bloody using the heat! If they mention anything about waste you answer “so it is a waste for me to have basic level of comfort, and not be freezing my fingers off?”

My df is the opposite, it’s often 25c.
Dh and I are nearly fainting sometimes.
Sometimes df gets up for the loo at 4 am and turns the thermostat up and as soon as he’s settled I turn it down again. 😂

Like I said, it feels like a difficult dynamic because it's not my mum's house - although she pays half the utility bills. I think it's more my issue about the fact my mum's in a new relationship and I don't know how to navigate it.

Are people living in terribly insulated houses that it is routinely falling to 13?

I live in an early 80s house. Double glazed windows, quite old ones. Insulated loft. Good thick lined curtains on all windows, carpeted floors.

We had a boiler problem not long back. It took all night over night for the temperature inside to fall to 15. If your heating is coming on to reheat your home in the evening/at night how is it constantly getting so low? You need to improve your insulation/windows.

If she’s paying the bills then it’s absolutely fine, surely. Her money!

To be fair, I work for home, and I don't put the heating on during the day, Monday - Friday, as I'm the only one here. That said, I have two large bioethanol fires in my living room, so should anyone be here, I can light them and the room warms up quickly.

I ration mine now and I am still paying nearly twice as much to have the heating on for half as long. Lookng back to the time pre the astranomical price increases seems like memories of a golden age, waking up to a warm house, coming home to a warm house and bunting the heating on if I felt cold in the day. Having said that, if I had the money like the OP's mum and her partner I would be whacking the heating on during this horrible cold snap. However that is me and there are different dynamics going on for her

I think it’s mildly unreasonable to ask someone to adjust their preferred temperature in their own house but I’d just do it if it were close family like my mum. She’d tell me to go put a jumper/thermals on though because it’s a British winter and what should I expect.

I prefer a cool house to a warm one generally. My southern baby of a husband thinks differently though haha

I'm with you - ours drops to about 10 during the day; OP, why not find a library or cafe to go to during the day whilst you're working? Sounds as if they heat the house during the evening when they are there which sounds fair enough to me

Do you keep your heating on all night? We set the thermostat to 18 and then close off radiators in rooms that we don't use often. But we turn it on in the morning and off at bedtime. Seems weird to me to have heating on all night.

Ours is very well insulated, but rural and detached. Happens to lots of people!

@oakleaffy I still use cooking apples for pies and crumbles! I'd love to be able to have a Bramley tree! Next door did have a small ish one and she left the majority of the apples to rot. About 7 years ago, I mentioned that for the past few days, I'd been watching a pair of jays take our squirrels peanuts and sit eating them on a branch of her apple tree. And that it was lovely to have them around. Two days later, she had the tree cut down. Never see the jays now. But then she is a bit of a misery and stuck in her ways. Shame though.

Hope the conversation goes well! I couldn't work at my desk in 13 degrees - when I work from home and it drops under 18 I get freezing despite a blanket, fluffy slippers, thermal baselayers, a wool jumper and fleecy joggers! I have to put an extra heater in my office.

I'm fine with 18 at the weekend, because even if I'm not doing a lot, I am still getting up and moving around so my circulation is probably better.

Once I get cold at my desk it takes me so long to warm back up - I'm so static sitting at the computer!

The house is 250 yrs old - we have 18inch thick stone walls and flagstone floors under the modern flooring. I have double glazing, a loft full of insulation and thick thermal lined curtains. It will be a toasty 21C in here by 7pm but the stone just sucks the heat out of the place as soon as the heating goes off.

It will however be lovely in the summer as parts of the house never get warmer than 18C even if it's 30+ outside. We never have trouble sleeping during a heatwave.

I think you’ll find that the Labour party has done away with the Winter Fuel Allowance. It’s been all over the news for months! Even when it was being paid out you didn’t have to spend it on heating. A lot of older people, who automatically got it, would put it towards a nice treat.

I think whether it's unreasonable to ask depends on how cold it's kept. Being American, I had to translate 13 C to F and when I saw 55 degrees, I almost gasped. But also being American, I would just ask, especially in my mother's home (might not be her house, but it is her home.)